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Dragnet (1987 film) Quotes

Dragnet (1987 film) is a television program that first aired in 1970 . Dragnet stopped airing in 1970.

It features Bernie Brillstein, David Permut, and Robert K. Weiss as producer, Ira Newborn in charge of musical score, and Matthew F. Leonetti as head of cinematography.

Dragnet (1987 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Dragnet (1987 film) is 106 minutes long. Dragnet (1987 film) is distributed by Universal Pictures.

The cast includes: Dan Aykroyd as Friday, Tom Hanks as Pep Streebeck, Jack O'Halloran as Emil Muzz, Dabney Coleman as Jerry Caesar, Dan Aykroyd as Joe Friday, Christopher Plummer as Reverend Jonathan Whirley, Kathleen Freeman as Enid Borden, and Lenka Peterson as Granny Mundy.

Dragnet (1987 film) Quotes

Tom Hanks as Pep Streebeck

  • (Unnamed) "Basically, it burns the eyes, lungs and throat, causes vomiting and if continuously inhaled, death."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Oh, sort of like your aftershave."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Oh Joe, you never had these feelings before, have you?"
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Almost. I had a kitten once."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Yeah, it's going to be a little different. Connie is not going to be sleeping in a box, or meowing all night, or clawing up your drapes. Or maybe she will. I mean, you're both kind of starting from scratch with this."
  • (Tom Hanks) "2 to 1, that's Enid Borden's wedding dress."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "20 to 1 Enid Borden didn't look that good on her wedding day."
  • (Tom Hanks) "It's for you. It's the president."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Can you swim?"
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Red Cross junior lifesaver with clusters, bub."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Silly me."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Joe, I could use some coffee"
  • (Tom Hanks) "You want anything?"
  • (Jack O'Halloran) "Chewing gum -- Snickers bar -- and my attorney, badge kisser."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Well -- it's just you -- and me -- your balls --"
  • (Tom Hanks) "and this drawer."
  • (Tom Hanks) "And if I may a toast -- to Granny Mundy: may you live as long as you want but never want as long as you live."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Thank God, it's Friday."
  • (Tom Hanks) "You know, uh, Friday, we're allowed to go 55 -- On some occasions, even faster."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "I'm well aware of the federally mandated speed limit, Streebeck. But, did it ever occur to you that, by going eight miles an hour slower, we might save some gasoline and ease the burden on the poor taxpayers out there who pay our salaries?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "Friday, a little extra gas isn't gonna put the city in hock; besides, this looks bad. Come on, live a little; it's the vertical pedal on the right."
  • (Tom Hanks) "You know, Friday, I think you and the Commissioner would make a cute couple. I like the way you both keep your jaws locked. Plus the two of you do share that same curious affection for hats."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "May I remind you that only this morning Commissioner Kirkpatrick threatened to turn me into a -- civilian?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "Yeah, I know. There was was a gleam in her eye, though --"
  • (Tom Hanks) "Look Muzz, we've got you on 87 violations of the motor vehicle code, it's only a matter of time before we tie you into one of those PAGAN jobs, not to mention that you stole your landlady's wedding dress which so far is the only endearing thing about you. So why don't you talk to us?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "I can't quite place it. It tastes like --"
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Milk. Just like the sign said before you obliterated it. Fresh wholesome milk."
  • (Tom Hanks) "You probably love this stuff."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Vitamin D, calcium, essential for good strong bones and healthy teeth. But that's all Greek to you, isn't it, Mr. Gingivitis?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "You know, Muzz, you have the right to remain silent. If you give up the right to remain silent any thing you s-, you know these words, Muzz. C'mon, sing along."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Anything-you-say can-and WILL be USED against-you IN a-court of LAW."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Are you crazy? Silvia Wiss wanted you."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Now let me tell you something, Streebeck. There are two things that clearly differentiate the human species from animals. One, we use cutlery. Two, we're capable of controlling our sexual urges. Now, you might be an exception, but don't drag me down into your private Hell."
  • (Tom Hanks) "You've got a lot of repressed feelings, don't you, Friday? Must be what keeps your hair up."
  • (Tom Hanks) "You know the kinds of things that can fall into an industrial sausage press? Not excluding rodent hairs and -- bug excrement?"
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "I hate you, Streebeck."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Hey partner. I tried to call you up till midnight. I didn't know the Christian Science reading rooms stayed open so late."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Not that it's any of your business, but I spend the evening in the company of Connie Swail."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Don't you mean "the Virgin Connie Swail"?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "Wait a minute."
  • (Tom Hanks) "This guy knows God personally, I hear they play racquetball together."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Well, just go ahead and chuckle away, mister. I don't hear God laughing."
  • (Tom Hanks) "You will, once he sees your haircut."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Well, what a pleasant surprise -- Grannie Friday --"
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Not that it's any of your business, she's my maternal grandmother, her name is Mundy."

Dan Aykroyd as Friday

  • (Dan Aykroyd) "But that's all Greek to you, isn't it, Mr. Gingivitis?"
  • (Captain Gannon) "Frank won't be coming into work today Joe."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "24 hour virus?"
  • (Captain Gannon) "Or tomorrow."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "48 hour?"
  • (Captain Gannon) "Frank quit, moved to Ukiah, bought a goat farm --"
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Hold it right there, Whirley. Police officer, you're under arrest."
  • (Christopher Plummer) "I beg your pardon, what is this? Some kind of a feeble joke?"
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Oh, it's a real knee-slapper, friend, if you consider California Penal Code section 4A, 4207A, 597 and 217: Theft, Kidnapping, Cruelty to Animals, and Attempted Murder something to laugh about."
  • (Christopher Plummer) "I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "My partner and I witnessed that little torchlight picnic you threw last night, we're gonna put you where your kind always ends up; in a seven by seven foot grey-green metal cage in the fifteenth floor of some hundred-year-old penitentiary, with damp, stinking walls and a wooden plank for a bed. Sure, this city isn't perfect, we need a smut-free life for all of our citizens; cleaner streets, better schools, and a good hockey team. But the big difference between you and me, mister, is you made the promise, and I'm going to keep it."
  • (Sylvia Wiss) "Do these look like the breasts of a forty year old woman?"
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "No ma'am. They're quite impressive -- bordering on spectacular."
  • (Unnamed) "Kill the good. Kill the good. Kill the good."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "You are all under arrest."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Each of you has the right to remain silent. If you waive the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Oh for crying out loud."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "There's the limo from the mansion."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Yeah, and that's Emil Muzz."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Let's check Enid Bordon's description."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Well?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "Big, bad, stupid-looking."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "An exact match."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Look out. Muppets."
  • (Connie Swail) "Why is his so much bigger than yours?"
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Ma'am?"
  • (Connie Swail) "Your gun."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "I've never needed more."
  • (Captain Gannon) "Friday, do you have any idea what time it is?"
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Yes sir."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Oh, don't ask him that, Captain."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "It's 4:27am, sir."
  • (Tom Hanks) "He lives for that. It's in his blood."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) ""Reckless endangerment of human life, willful disregard of private property, failure to signal for a -- ""
  • (Tom Hanks) "Yeah, he's really raking up the violations, isn't he."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Not him, you. This is your one way ticket back to civilian life, Mr. I-Like-To-Throw-The-Book-Out-The-Window."
  • (Tom Hanks) "That's a good idea."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Streebeck, there's no road here."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Ma'am, what is the approximate dry weight of the average Madagascan fruit tree bat?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "You mean you don't know?"
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, thank God, vibrator repair."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "No, ma'am, LAPD. Sorry."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Ah, sure, but just like every other foaming, rabid psycho in this city with a foolproof plan, you've forgotten you're facing the single finest fighting force ever assembled."
  • (Christopher Plummer) "The Israelis?"
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Somebody must have wanted that lion's mane pretty bad to pull a twisted stunt like that."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Although, as mohawks go it's not that bad. It'll grow back."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Yeah, and how do you tell that to these kids here who have never seen a lion before and now probably won't have the desire to ever see one again."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Kids, it'll grow back."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "I don't care what undercover rock you crawled out from, there's a dress code for detectives in Robbery-Homicide. Section 3-605. 10. 20. 22. 24. 26. 50. 70. 80. It specifies: clean shirt, short hair, tie, pressed trousers, sports jacket or suit, and leather shoes, preferably with a high shine on them."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Connie, I'd like you to meet my maternal grandmother Mrs. Grace Mundy. Granny, this is the virgin Connie Swail."
  • (Lenka Peterson) "You're kidding."
  • (Connie Swail) "Hi."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "After losing the two previous vehicles we had been issued, the only car the department was willing to release to us at this point was an unmarked 1987 Yugo, a Yugoslavian import donated to the department as a test vehicle by the government of that country and reflecting the cutting edge of Serbo-Croatian technology."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "People -- Against -- Goodness -- And -- Normalcy. P, A, G, A, N. P.A.G.A.N.."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Nice work, Joe."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "With the exception of you and canned cling peaches I'd be hard pressed to find anyone or anything that doesn't know you should never leave your car keys in the ignition."
  • (Tom Hanks) "It's called a mistake, Friday, but I don't suppose you ever make any of those, do you?"
  • (Captain Gannon) "Friday, Streebeck, we got another one. Chemical train hijack down at the freight yards. Damn Pagans must be living on No-Doz."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Yessir, Captain. We'll roll as soon as we requisition a new --"
  • (Captain Gannon) "Oh, one more thing. Police and fire departments all over the county have been reporting vehicles stolen. So keep an eye on your car."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Alright, let's run through it again. You say you're a Pagan, but we caught you working for Jerry Caeser. That makes you a plant in my book. Why don't you just make it easy on yourself and lead us to the stolen magazines?"
  • (Jack O'Halloran) "Jump on this and spin, cop. I'm not saying another word until my attourney gets here."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Say Joe, wouldn't a couple of danishes go great with this coffee right now?"

Kathleen Freeman as Enid Borden

  • (Kathleen Freeman) "What the hell do you want?"
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Police officers, maam."
  • (Kathleen Freeman) "'Bout time you pencil-dicks showed up. Why couldn't you have gotten here before that big bad stupid-looking piece of sewage breath stole my white wedding dress?"
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "'Sewage-breath' is your little nickname for?"
  • (Kathleen Freeman) "Muzz. Emil Muzz."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Not much of an improvement."

Lenka Peterson as Granny Mundy

  • (Lenka Peterson) "Do join us, Detective Swayback."
  • (Dan Aykroyd) "Streebeck."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Pep."

Dabney Coleman as Jerry Caesar

  • (Dabney Coleman) "Reverend, you've got balls as big as church bells."

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