Dish and Dishonesty Quotes

Dish and Dishonesty is a TV show that was first aired in 1970 . Dish and Dishonesty ended its run in 1970.

Dish and Dishonesty Quotes

• (Blackadder) "Sir, may I be allowed a short violent outburst?"
• (Prince George) "Why yes of course."
• (Blackadder) "DAMN."

• (Prince George) "You know, Blackadder, for me socks are like sex. Tons of it about and I never seem to get any."

• (Pitt the Younger) "I intend to put my own brother up as a candidate against you."
• (Blackadder) "And which Pitt would this be? Pitt the Toddler? Pitt the Embryo? Pitt the Glint in the Milkman's Eye?"

• (Blackadder) "If you want something done properly, kill Baldrick before you start."

• (Vincent Hanna) "Master William Pitt, the Even Younger, are you disappointed?"
• (Pitt the Even Younger) "Yes I'm horrified. I smeared my opponents, bribed the press to be on my side, and threatened to torture the electorate if we lost. I fail to see what a more decent politician would have done."

• (Blackadder) "Dunny-on-the-Wold is a tuppenny- ha'penny place. Half an acre of sodden marshland in the Suffolk Fens with an empty town hall on it. Population: three rather mangy cows, a dachshund named Colin, and a small hen in its late forties."

• (Blackadder) "Minimum bribe level?"
• (Baldrick) "One turnip. Oh, hang on, I don't want to price myself out of the market."

• (Blackadder) "Give me the bloody money Baldrick, or you're dead."
• (Baldrick) "Give me the bloody money Baldrick, or you're dead my Lord."
• (Blackadder) "Just do it Baldrick, or I shall further enoble you by knighting you very clumsily with this meat cleaver."
• (Baldrick) "I haven't got it."
• (Blackadder) "What?"
• (Baldrick) "I spent it."
• (Blackadder) "You spent it? What could you possibly spend £400 000 on?"
• (Blackadder) "Oh, no -- oh God, don't tell me."
• (Baldrick) "My dream turnip."
• (Blackadder) "Baldrick, how did you manage to find a turnip that cost £400 000?"
• (Baldrick) "Well, I had to haggle."
• (Blackadder) "This is the worst moment of my entire life. I've spent my last penny on a cat-skin windcheater, I've just broken a priceless turnip --"
• (Blackadder) "-- and now I'm about to be viciously slaughtered by a naked Tunisian sock merchant. Well, all I can say, Baldrick, is that's the last time I dabble in politics"

• (Ivor Biggun) "We're for the compulsory serving of asparagus at breakfast, free corsets for the under-5s and the abolition of slavery."
• (Vincent Hanna, His Own Great Great Great Grandfather) "I'm sure many moderate people would respect your stand on asparagus, but what about all this extremist nonsense about abolishing slavery?"
• (Ivor Biggun) "Oh, that. We just put that in for a joke. See you next year."

• (Blackadder) "Oh, good, it's the Lord Privy Toast Rack."

• (Pitt the Younger) "Mr. Speaker, Members of the House, I shall be brief, as I have rather unfortunately become Prime Minister right in the middle of my exams."

• (Prince George) "I say, Blackadder, are you sure this is the PM? Seems more like an oily tick to me. When I was at school, we used to line up four or five of his sort, make 'em bend over, and use 'em as a toast rack."
• (Pitt the Younger) "It doesn't surprise me, sir, I know your sort. Once, it was I who stood in the big, cold schoolroom, a hot crumpet burning my cheeks with shame. Since that day, I have been busy every hour God sent, working to become Prime Minister and fight sloth and privilege wherever I found it."
• (Blackadder) "I trust you weren't too busy to remove the crumpet."

• (Blackadder) "Right. Now all we have to do is fill in this MP application form. Name: Baldrick. First name?"
• (Baldrick) "Er, I'm not sure."
• (Blackadder) "Well, you must have some idea --"
• (Baldrick) "Well, it might be Sod off."
• (Blackadder) "What?"
• (Baldrick) "Well, when I used to play in the gutter, I used to say to the other snipes, "Hello, my name's Baldrick," and they'd say, "Yes, we know. Sod off, Baldrick.""
• (Blackadder) "All right, right right right right, Mr. S. Baldrick. Now; distinguishing features -- None."
• (Baldrick) "Well, I've got this big growth in the middle of my face."
• (Blackadder) "That's your nose, Baldrick. Now; any history of insanity in the family? Tell you what, I'll cross out the in. Any history of sanity in the family? None whatsoever. Now then; criminal record --"
• (Baldrick) "Absolutely not."
• (Blackadder) "Oh, come on, Baldrick, you're going to be an MP, for God's sake. I'll just put fraud and sexual deviancy. Now; minimum bribe level --"
• (Baldrick) "One turnip. Oh, hang on, I don't want to price myself out of the market."
• (Blackadder) "Baldrick, I've always been meaning to ask: Do you have any ambitions in life apart from the acquisition of turnips?"
• (Baldrick) "Er, no."
• (Blackadder) "So what would you do if I gave you a thousand pounds?"
• (Baldrick) "I'd get a little turnip of my own."
• (Blackadder) "So what would you do if I gave you a million pounds?"
• (Baldrick) "Oh, that's different. I'd get a great big turnip in the country."
• (Blackadder) "Oh God, I'll get that. Here"
• (Blackadder) ", sign here."

• (Blackadder) "My lord."
• (Prince George) "My Lords."
• (Blackadder) "Pardon, sir?"
• (Prince George) "My Lords. There is more than one lord in the vicinity. Will you please welcome his Grace, the Lord Baldrick."
• (Blackadder) "You made BALDRICK a Lord?"
• (Prince George) "Well, yes. One who has recently done sterling service, matching the political machinations of the evil Pitt. Good old Lord Baldrick."
• (Baldrick) "It's all right Blackadder, you don't have to curtsey or anything."
• (Blackadder) "Sir, might I let loose a short violent exclamation?"
• (Prince George) "Certainly."
• (Blackadder) "DAMN."
• (Prince George) "I say, that's a bit of a strange get up, isn't it Blackadder?"
• (Blackadder) "No sir, I'm just off to a fancy dress party. I'm going as Lady Hamilton's p*****."
• (Blackadder) "There is one little question, sir. About the £400 000 to influence the lords --"
• (Prince George) "Ah, yes. I gave that to Lord Baldrick."
• (Blackadder) "Ahh. Sir, might I be permitted to take Lord Baldrick downstairs for some instruction in his lordly duties?"
• (Prince George) "I think that's a splendid idea."
• (Blackadder) "This way, my Lord."

• (Blackadder) "However, if we're going to get him to support us, he will need some sort of incentive."
• (Prince George) "Hmm, anything in mind?"
• (Blackadder) "Well, you could appoint him a high court judge."
• (Prince George) "Is he qualified?"
• (Blackadder) "He's a violent, bigoted, mindless old fool."
• (Prince George) "Sounds a bit over-qualified. Well, get him here at once."
• (Blackadder) "Certainly, sir. I will return before you can say 'antidisestablishmentarianism.'"
• (Prince George) "Well, I wouldn't be too sure about that. Antidistibilitsmin -- anti-misty-linstimbl -- anti-stids --"
• (Unnamed) "Two Days Later"
• (Prince George) "Anti-distinctly-minty-monetarism --"
• (Blackadder) "Your Highness, Sir Talbot Buxomly, MP."

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