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Dennis the Menace (film) Quotes

Dennis the Menace (film) is a television show that first aired in 1970 . Dennis the Menace stopped airing in 1970.

It features John Hughes, and Richard Vane as producer, Jerry Goldsmith in charge of musical score, and Thomas E. Ackerman as head of cinematography.

Dennis the Menace (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Dennis the Menace (film) is 96 minutes long. Dennis the Menace (film) is distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures.

The cast includes: Christopher Lloyd as Switchblade Sam, Mason Gamble as Dennis, Walter Matthau as George Wilson, Robert Stanton as Henry Mitchell, Amy Sakasitz as Margaret, Kellen Hathaway as Joey, Devin Ratray as Mickey, Melinda Mullins as Andrea, and Natasha Lyonne as Polly.

Dennis the Menace (film) Quotes

Walter Matthau as George Wilson

  • (Walter Matthau) "Where are you going?"
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "To make myself a cup of tea."
  • (Walter Matthau) "I didn't decree that we wouldn't have children, Martha. It was out of both our hands."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "This isn't about having children or not having children, George. You missed the point. It's about my feeling, something very good, and not being able to tell you about it."
  • (Walter Matthau) "New pajamas. God bless them."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Poor thing, I wish he'd get the hernia fixed."
  • (Walter Matthau) "40 years down the drain."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Who else has a night-blooming mock orchid flowering this year?"
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "It's an awfully homely-looking plant, George."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Hang the looks at the thing. It opens before your eyes in the light of a full moon. It's a marvel, Martha. 40 years to mature and blossom. The flower opens and withers in a matter of moments."
  • (Walter Matthau) "There isn't a gardener in town who has a plant that requires a 40-year investment for ten seconds of splendor."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "George, take Dennis's suitcase up to the guest room, please."
  • (Walter Matthau) "He's got arms."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Don't you start, dear."
  • (Walter Matthau) "G.D. wading pool."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Over my dead body. This is the crowning moment of my retired life, and I'm not throwing it away like the evening trash for some ninny who can't get her keister to the airport on time."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "George Wilson, you have no right to insult Alice. She can't help the weather any more than you or I."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Well, she --"
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "It's just plain bad luck. It's no one's fault."
  • (Walter Matthau) "A tragedy of this magnitude has to be somebody's fault, Martha."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "It isn't a tragedy. A little boy's going to join us for a party. Uh, if you want to forsake your neighbors when they need help, you do it alone."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Why is it when everyone else feasts on the pleasure of life, I get the indigestion?"
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Because you're an old grump."
  • (Walter Matthau) "He's only a boy, huh?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "You're a pest. A menace. A selfish, spoiled little boy and I've no use for you. You took something from me that I can never get back, something that means more to me than you ever will. You understand? I don't want to see you, I don't want to know you. Get out of my way."
  • (Mason Gamble) "I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Now, George, take it easy."
  • (Mason Gamble) "I made a mistake?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "However, you're dealing with him. He hasn't learned it's not good manners to break in on a fella and shoot an aspirin down his throat."
  • (Robert Stanton) "Oh, Mr. Wilson, he's 5."
  • (Walter Matthau) "When I was 5, I had some respect."
  • (Robert Stanton) "Well, you're probably a pretty exceptional boy."
  • (Walter Matthau) "In 1925, I was not the exception; I was the rule."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Weren't you a fat boy?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "I was husky."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Well, Dennis, you're mother did not arrive."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Nope."
  • (Walter Matthau) "This is an important event for me, Dennis."
  • (Mason Gamble) "I know."
  • (Walter Matthau) "I, uh, don't want any nonsense. You mind whatever manners you have and don't make a pest of yourself."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Okay."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Don't embarrass me."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Okay."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Cheek pinchers."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "George, are you sleeping?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "I was until you started yaking."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "I'm sorry."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Was Dennis in our bathroom?"
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Yes."
  • (Walter Matthau) "I think the little rat put mouthwash in my nasal spray and toilet cleanser in my mouthwash."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Why would he do something like that?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "Must you ask?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "He's cheating."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "What are you doing?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "Dennis is cheating. He's using the Beckman kid as a spy."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Oh, leave them alone, George."
  • (Walter Matthau) "I'm gonna even things up. Gunther?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "Gunther, I'm just talking to your daddy on the telephone. He's going to the ice cream store. He wants to take you with him."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Hurry up and go home."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Now it's fair."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "You lied to a toddler, George."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Well, think how disappointed he's going to be when he gets home."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Well, he better get used to it. Disappointment's gonna be a big part of his life. He's a foot short for his age and he's cross-eyed."

Mason Gamble as Dennis

  • (Mason Gamble) "The most important thing is they marry the women, then the women can go down and get the baby."
  • (Amy Sakasitz) "The baby is in her stomach."
  • (Mason Gamble) "She has to get it installed. Her stomach isn't just filled up with babies."
  • (Amy Sakasitz) "Who installed some?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "A minister and a doctor."
  • (Amy Sakasitz) "How?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "'How'?"
  • (Kellen Hathaway) "She wants to know how?"
  • (Amy Sakasitz) "Tell me, Dennis. How?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "The bellybutton-it opens up."
  • (Amy Sakasitz) "How come men have them?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "So they don't look weird in bathing suits."
  • (Mason Gamble) "You've got everything figured out, haven't you, Mr. Wilson?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "I haven't figured out yet how I'm gonna get my work done with you in the house."
  • (Mason Gamble) "That's a tough one."
  • (Mason Gamble) "She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes. She'll be coming;"
  • (Mason Gamble) "I have one more question."
  • (Christopher Lloyd) "What?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "What does a hostage have to do?"
  • (Christopher Lloyd) "Nothing."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Then how come you need one?"
  • (Christopher Lloyd) "Incase the cops show up."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Do I get to use a gun?"
  • (Christopher Lloyd) "No, you get to stand in front of me incase the cops use a gun."
  • (Mason Gamble) "I brought my own pillow so I won't get my spit all over yours."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Thank you, Dennis."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Hi."
  • (Mrs. Alice Mitchell) "Did you shoot an aspirin into Mr.Wilson's mouth?"
  • (Robert Stanton) "Oh god."
  • (Mason Gamble) "I didn't want him to bite off my fingers with his big, fake teeth. Those things are sharp."
  • (Mrs. Alice Mitchell) "George said Dennis shot an aspirin into his mouth with a slingshot."
  • (Robert Stanton) "What slingshot?"
  • (Mrs. Alice Mitchell) "Do you have a slingshot?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "I'm not sure."
  • (Robert Stanton) "Give it to me."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Is that Pirate's Gold?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "No."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Is it real valuable?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "Yes."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Is that why you keep it in your safe?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "Uh-huh."
  • (Mason Gamble) "How come that safe looks like books?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "How come you ask so many questions?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "I've only been around for 5 years. There's a lot of stuff I don't know."
  • (Mason Gamble) "This is Mr. Wilson's gold. How come you got it?"
  • (Christopher Lloyd) "I stole it."
  • (Mason Gamble) "You're a robber?"
  • (Christopher Lloyd) "I'm a thief."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Uh-oh."
  • (Christopher Lloyd) "Say your prayers, little rat."
  • (Mason Gamble) "I can't, I didn't take my bath yet."
  • (Christopher Lloyd) "Have it your own way."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Holy smokes, you gotta be pretty brave to ride on a tiger in your underpants."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Put that away, that's not for kids."
  • (Mason Gamble) "How old is this bed?"
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "It belonged to my mother."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Where's she sleeping now?"
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "She's been gone many years, Dennis."
  • (Mason Gamble) "On business?"
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "No, she's in Heaven."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Oh, there's an awful lot of people in Heaven, especially old people."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Hi, Mrs. Wilson. Is Mr. Wilson up yet?"
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Not yet, dear."
  • (Mason Gamble) "How long do you think he's gonna sleep for?"
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Not too much longer. He's having his picture taken this morning."
  • (Mason Gamble) "For what?"
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "He's being honored for his garden."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Do you think he'll get mad if I went up the stairs."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "What do you want to go upstairs for?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "I made him a "I'm Sorry, I Shot Paint On Your Chicken" card."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Well, that's very nice, Dennis."
  • (Mason Gamble) "I'm kind of busy today, so I won't have a chance to give it to him. I have to go to Margaret's house, because we're getting poor and my mom's got a job now. So could I just leave it up by his whisker-cutter? That's where I leave all my dad's 'Sorry' cards, and it's a good time to say you're sorry. 'Cause grownup guys are happy in the morning when they wake up. My dad's so happy, he whistles when he goes to the bathroom. The only time he isn't happy is on Sunday morning when he and my mom wrestle. They kind of like to be alone when they do that. I think it's 'cause they take off their shirts and then they start to make funny noises."
  • (Mrs. Martha Wilson) "Uh, you can go up, as long as you promise not to disturb Mr. Wilson."
  • (Mason Gamble) "I promise."

Melinda Mullins as Andrea

  • (Melinda Mullins) "Oh, I'm gonna get that little kid."
  • (Melinda Mullins) "Aren't you supposed to be in the daycare area with the other -- children?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "That's where I was, but I had to leave, because the lady that watches all the kids said if she had to look at me for five more seconds --"
  • (Mason Gamble) "-- she'd jump out the window."
  • (Melinda Mullins) "Humph."
  • (Mason Gamble) "She's a pretty nice lady, so I wouldn't want her to do that."
  • (Melinda Mullins) "Hi, mom."
  • (Mrs. Alice Mitchell) "Good morning."
  • (Melinda Mullins) "I hear you're trying to beg off the Oklahoma City trip."
  • (Mrs. Alice Mitchell) "I asked that it be rescheduled."
  • (Melinda Mullins) "Have a Cub Scout meeting or something?"
  • (Mrs. Alice Mitchell) "My husband has a trip at the same time. His was scheduled before mine."
  • (Melinda Mullins) "So, if you and your husband travel at the same time, there's no one to watch your kid. Is that the problem?"
  • (Mrs. Alice Mitchell) "It's not a problem, per se."
  • (Melinda Mullins) "Oh, good. Because if you want to blow off your trip, I'm the one who has to cover for you, and I have plans I can't break. I don't have kids but I do have a life. I'm sorry. I'm just not gonna be able to help you."
  • (Mrs. Alice Mitchell) "God --"

Amy Sakasitz as Margaret

  • (Amy Sakasitz) "This things been here our whole life and we never knew it."
  • (Kellen Hathaway) "Do you think anybody lived in it?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "Just squirrels and birds."
  • (Kellen Hathaway) "It looks kind of junky."
  • (Mason Gamble) "We'll fix it up."
  • (Amy Sakasitz) "Oh, good, I'll be the decorator. We'll put on a special room for the babies and a powder room for when we have company."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Forts don't have powder rooms."
  • (Amy Sakasitz) "Oh, really? Where do the soldiers' wives go to freshen up?"
  • (Kellen Hathaway) "Soldiers don't have wives, stupid."
  • (Amy Sakasitz) "Don't call me stupid, baby rump kisser."
  • (Amy Sakasitz) "You know why men are so lousey when it comes to taking care of babies?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "They have better things to do."
  • (Amy Sakasitz) "Like what? Play golf and drink beer?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "No, like hunting, having wars, driving cars, shaving, cleaning fish. Do you know how to do that?"
  • (Kellen Hathaway) "Me?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "Margaret."
  • (Kellen Hathaway) "Oh, okay."
  • (Amy Sakasitz) "If you didn't have women, you wouldn't have babies, which means you wouldn't have people."
  • (Kellen Hathaway) "And if you didn't have men, who'd drive the ladies to the hospital?"
  • (Amy Sakasitz) "You guys don't understand. Baby Louise is a very expensive antique."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Nobody robbed your doll, Margaret. Maybe a bear ate it."
  • (Amy Sakasitz) "What?"
  • (Kellen Hathaway) "Yeah, there's no robbers in our town."

Robert Stanton as Henry Mitchell

  • (Robert Stanton) "I'm Sorry about this Morning."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Your kid is driving me nuts."
  • (Robert Stanton) "I'll talk to him again."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Maybe it isn't talk that he needs, when my father had something to tell me, he told me with his belt."
  • (Robert Stanton) "That's not how I deal with my son, George."
  • (Robert Stanton) "You go sit in the corner and think about what you've done."
  • (Mason Gamble) "For how long?"
  • (Robert Stanton) "Until you're sorry."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Oh good, I'm sorry now."
  • (Mrs. Alice Mitchell) "He can't sit in the corner, I have to take him to Margaret Wade's house."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Margaret's house? I didn't do anything bad enough to deserve to go to her house. She's a lunatic, I'll go crazy, she tortures me, she's mean, she's ugly, she doesn't share."
  • (Mrs. Alice Mitchell) "Honey, I made arrangements with Mrs. Wade for you to go to their house while I work."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Are you serious?"
  • (Mrs. Alice Mitchell) "Well, you can't spend the summer unsupervised. You're out of school."
  • (Mason Gamble) "I'll go back."
  • (Robert Stanton) "You're mother made arrangements. That's it. I don't want any arguments."
  • (Mason Gamble) "My life is falling apart."

Christopher Lloyd as Switchblade Sam

  • (Christopher Lloyd) "Put a cork in it, you're giving me a headache."
  • (Mason Gamble) "I don't have a cork."
  • (Christopher Lloyd) "Shut your mouth."
  • (Mason Gamble) "I can't because my nose is stuffy, because of my allergies. If I shut my mouth, I can't breathe good."
  • (Christopher Lloyd) "Then keep your mouth open, but don't talk."
  • (Mason Gamble) "Where do you put the cork when you put a cork in it?"
  • (Christopher Lloyd) "Didn't I ask you to shut your yap?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "What's a yap?"
  • (Christopher Lloyd) "It's your mouth."
  • (Mason Gamble) "I can't shut my mouth because my nose is stuffy - --"
  • (Christopher Lloyd) "SHUT UP."

Natasha Lyonne as Polly

  • (Natasha Lyonne) "Hi, Mr Mitchell."
  • (Robert Stanton) "Hello Polly, come on in."
  • (Robert Stanton) "What's the helmet for?"
  • (Natasha Lyonne) "Oh my girlfriend used to babysit for Dennis, she said to bring a helmet, and wear pants."

Devin Ratray as Mickey

  • (Devin Ratray) "How can a train grow?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "He eats all his coal and gets plenty of sleep."
  • (Devin Ratray) "No, like, what's the point of reading lies?"
  • (Mason Gamble) "It teaches kids to eat all their food, and go to bed when they're supposed to, and not cry when mean cabooses and box cars make fun of him."

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