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Charmed (season 1) Quotes

Charmed is a television program that first aired in 1998 on The WB. Charmed ended in 1999.

Charmed aired for 22 episodes.

The cast includes: Holly Marie Combs as Piper, Alyssa Milano as Phoebe, Dorian Gregory as Chris, Cristine Rose as Paige, Dorian Gregory as Darryl, Shannen Doherty as Prue, Cristine Rose as Cole, Brian Krause as Leo, Finola Hughes as Wyatt Halliwell, Dorian Gregory as Adam, Billy Drago as Barbas, Brian Krause as Leo Wyatt, Dorian Gregory as Dwarf, Alyssa Milano as Eve, and Ted King as Andy.

Charmed Quotes

Holly Marie Combs as Piper

  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Look, I know I didn't call to confirm, but I was busy creating life, okay?"
  • (Tull) "Xavier? Where are you?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "You're stepping on him."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Everyone's treating me so differently. I'm still me. There's just a whole lot more of me going on."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Hey, guys. Oh, I'm sorry. Were you ranting?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Yes, I was, but I'm done now. Thank you."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I didn't have to resort to maternity clothes. Everything is so bright and cheery and ruffly."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I dreamt an animated musical last night. Is that normal?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "So what do you say to an overbearing younger sister who's treating her pregnant older sister like a porcelain doll?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) ""Thank you"?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "How about "Knock it off"?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "That's probably better advice."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Are you out of your mind, AGAIN?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "What are you doing?"
  • (Chris Perry) "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to find a way to free stone cold Paige over there"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Step away from the book."
  • (Chris Perry) "Oh, please. Like I haven't looked in this thing before? By the way, you should update you're goblins entry. It'll come in handy someday."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Goblins?"
  • (Chris Perry) "Yeah. It's gonna get ugly. Trust me. Look, I know you have no reason to trust me, but the book thinks I'm good, shouldn't you?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Well, maybe you found a way around it."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Paige. Is everything okay?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "Better than okay. I'm going to have a love life."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "You're making a love potion?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "No, I'm making a stun potion."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "So that lovers will be stunned by you?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "No, so that Kazis will be stunned by me."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "You're in love with a Kazi demon?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "Try to stay with me, people."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "You asked me to marry you, and I did. You wanted a family, and I gave you a son. And now you just want me to watch you walk away?"
  • (Brian Krause) "Piper it's not that simple."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Then make it simple."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Oh, no, don't tell me we got infected with the sin thingy."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Yeah, next time get your own damn lipstick."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "I heard that."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I love you."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "Bite me."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I don't need to take a deep breath. I need to find my husband."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I think my half whitelighter baby thought fireworks would be prettier than demon guts."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "You knew about this supernatural Jenny Jones reunion, didn't you?"
  • (Grams) "Piper blew up the wolf from inside. Although it took her long enough."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Hey, back off Grams, I just saved your ass."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Bad Prue. Very bad Prue."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Hi, Kujo, who you growling at?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Oh, no. Am I dead again?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Leo, I have growing powers inside of me. Powers that I don't understand, and the only person who does understand them never has time to talk. Add that to raging hormones and I guarantee you I am absolutely entitled to do the 'crying thing'."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I think I know how to find the demon --"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "-stration. Demonstration."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "She knows what I'm talking about."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Where's my baby?"
  • (Brian Krause) "Over here."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Oh, my God."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Oh, my God."
  • (Brian Krause) "Oh, my God."
  • (Slappy) "Oh, that doesn't sound good."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "That's what they do, Phoebe, they come back. They snarl and come back."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "So, what do you think? Should we go with Oprah, or Barbra? Barbra makes you cry. We go with Oprah."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "So why is Sir Lust-A-Lot after you?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "How should I know?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Well, because it's your damn fairy tale and it's alive and frozen in our kitchen."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Kiss this bitch."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "You know, if I could freeze the two of you, I would, often."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Uh, Phoebe, you're evil. You're like the queen of all evil, literally."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Darryl, I'm sorry, but what do you want me to say? My sister was just possessed with a supernaturally born killer and my husband is in 1994, and I do not mean in the fashion sense. He time traveled back with my other sister so the only one left to help me is you."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Cole, if you don't get me the hell outta here right now --"
  • (Cristine Rose) "You're the one that didn't want me to go easy on you."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Doesn't mean I wanted you to. Now get me out the damned wall."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "You don't really seem like yourself."
  • (Cristine Rose) "I don't? Then, who am I?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "You stole our sacred book so you could perform magical plastic surgery on yourself?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Leo, you're a nice guy, and I like you a lot, but let's face it, you're geographically undesirable."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Why didn't you save her?"
  • (Brian Krause) "I tried."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "But you didn't. Why didn't they let you save her, too?"
  • (Brian Krause) "The Elders? They couldn't. They don't have that kind of power."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Then what the hell good are they?"
  • (Brian Krause) "It's okay to be angry."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I'm not angry. I am pissed off. Don't you understand? You healed the wrong sister. You saved me because I'm your damn wife, and you should've saved her because she was the best. Because she, you should."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Why do they put us through so much for it to end this way?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Mm-hmm. Your destiny still awaits, she says. There's a reason for everything she says. So, now it's time to summon her transparent butt back and ask exactly what that reason is."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Are you going to help or are you just going to ramble?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "I'm just going to ramble."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Oh, please, please, somebody help me. The mean demon is dipping me into the water and it's really cold."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Phoebe's pregnant."
  • (Brian Krause) "What, huh, really?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I just wish I could get a live guy."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "So what you're saying is, that whatever you're keeping from me is enough to piss me off but not put me in any danger. At the moment."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Oh. You're assuming because I'm not tall, tattooed, or big-breasted that I'm not important. That's a bad assumption because I own this club, which makes me a V.V.V.I.P.""
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Yeah. Sure, why not? We could have another funeral tomorrow. I mean, all the dishes are out and we pretty much know who to invite."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "See what I mean? We have bigger, naked breasts to worry about."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Paige has her naked breasts to worry about and I've got yours."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm pushing it too far with the wedding?"
  • (Shannen Doherty) "Okay, why is Phoebe going to school without her books?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Okay, why is Prue not answering Piper's question?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Every other mother-to-be does not have to worry about her child orbing to Tahiti when they are sent to their room."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I'll play the bitch, you play the witch, ok?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Who would shoot a gnome? And why is the 'g' silent?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "How can you be so evil?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "It's a gift."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Is that why you didn't want to go around the world in 80 orbs?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Wasn't there a confidence spell in the book?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Yeah, remember we cast it on that waiter at Quake?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Wow. Quake. That was a long time ago."
  • (Head Dwarf) "When's her prince getting here?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "She doesn't have a prince."
  • (Head Dwarf) "No prince? So then who's going to kiss her?"
  • (Stinky) "I'll do it."
  • (Dorian Gregory) "In your dreams stinky. I'll do it."
  • (Stinky) "I told you not to call me that."
  • (Head Dwarf) "People. A little professional decorum here please."
  • (Head Dwarf) "Forgive them, it's been a while."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I'm not pregnant. Trust me."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "Well, that's good news."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Are you kidding? That's great news. You can live."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I mean, why would a demon be interested in killing people's dreams? They're harmless, erotic fun."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Did you say 'erotic'?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Exotic. I said exotic."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "All right, that's it. Break it up. You go back to your corner and you, you're gonna get ready and we're gonna put lots and lots of makeup on you."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "So let me get this straight. You summoned me to a cage where our powers don't work so, what, we could all die together?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "I'll admit the plan has a few flaws."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I didn't need a sign to tell me where my heart lies."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "So your new-and-improved premonitions are just a more vivid way of telling us we're screwed?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Geez, you're like my husband with boobs."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Ah."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "What?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Oh, my God. You two could scare the hair off a cat. No demons dare drop by here."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Oh, you know what? She's getting angry. And our powers don't work so good when we're angry."
  • (Mitzy Stillman) "We've got them now."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Yeah, you've got us now so why don't you blow us up?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Piper, death bad, life good."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Don't worry, this bimbo couldn't hit the broadside of a beauty parlour. Check out that dye job."
  • (Mabel Stillman) "How dare you."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Run."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Yeah, but this demon didn't even seem to know who we were, which by the way I find insulting."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe."
  • (Grams) "Have you been exercising your powers daily?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Do I need to?"
  • (Grams) "Well, you know, if you don't want to lose control of them. Did you perform a ritual to promote growth?"
  • (Grams) "Did you cast a spell to ward off demonic parasites?"
  • (Grams) "Sweetheart, what did you do?"
  • (Brian Krause) "We built a nursery in our bedroom closet."
  • (Grams) "No wonder this baby summoned me."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Vanquish demon first, kill husband later."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Ugh. That tastes like ass -- phalt."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I'm gonna be happy when I vanquish your sorry ass."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Now she's Martha Stewart."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Wow, prenatal yoga this morning and now you want to crash a stranger's funeral? You really do need friends."
  • (Cristine Rose) "You're mean."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Aww I was such a cute baby."
  • (Brian Krause) "Yea I know."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Leo, you're not even looking at the picture."
  • (Brian Krause) "Well I've been watching you you're whole life."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Yea ok that's too creepy to think about."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Paige. There will be no talk of testicle-orbing in front of the baby."
  • (Brian Krause) "Or his father."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "You got anything that would go with combat boots? You know, for the mommy-to-be who kicks some ass on occasion."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "OK -- let me handle Wyatt. This requires a mother's touch -- Wyatt Matthew Halliwell. You stop this nonsense right now."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Apparently the baby here prefers Mommy to be indestructible."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Heads up. Pregnant lady coming through with the groceries."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Phoebe, you're overreacting. That's my department."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "So, here's the deal. We'll spare your lives if you pull your skanky little power out of her."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Yeah, like that doesn't have personal gain tattooed across its forehead."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I thought ghosts could go anywhere they wanted."
  • (Cristine Rose) "You are not a ghost, you are inbetween."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Don't act blonde."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Don't worry for I hold the power of -- one."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Wow, you really know your stuff."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Well, I learned from the best. I learned from you."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Thank you, Whitney Houston. Do I sock you in the face now?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "He's so -- innocent. If only he had any idea what Mommy and Auntie Paige did today."
  • (Brian Krause) "They turned a very bad man to a very big tree."

Brian Krause as Leo

  • (Brian Krause) "I hate to be a bearer of bad news."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Could you possibly be the bearer of a big hug?"
  • (Brian Krause) "Because nobody knows where it is. Its location has been kept secret even from the Elders."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Where was their infinite wisdom on the day that was decided?"
  • (Brian Krause) "I have to get back to the elders"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Well Chris is a whitelighter, can't he do it?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Where is he?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Upstairs with Paige."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "And the book. Leo, go talk to the Elders, Pheobe keep an eye on our magical houseguests, I'm gonna go see what future boy is up to."
  • (Brian Krause) "Did you find out anything?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Besides having a twenty-four hour death wish? Nope."
  • (Brian Krause) "Look, Piper, no matter what happens --"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "No --"
  • (Brian Krause) "You have to keep trying to make contact."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I don't want him to hear it --"
  • (Brian Krause) "He's not after you, he's after me."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Would you please stop trying to save me."
  • (Brian Krause) "I'm sorry I got you into this."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Yeah, just one ordeal after another, right?"
  • (Brian Krause) "I've never stopped loving you."
  • (Brian Krause) "Being with her broke the rules. Not being with her breaks my heart."
  • (Brian Krause) "Ok, ok, ok, just relax."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "That's what I was trying to do and then somebody made me blow up my guru."
  • (Brian Krause) "Why am I standing in the ocean?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Phoebe's a mermaid."
  • (Brian Krause) "Oh, well, that would explain it."
  • (Brian Krause) "What is that? Is that a time portal? Is that what that is? What are you using it for?"
  • (Chris Perry) "I don't have to answer that."
  • (Brian Krause) "I thought you said you had nothing to hide."
  • (Chris Perry) "I don't have to answer that either."
  • (Brian Krause) "As your whitelighter, I'd say go with your instincts."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Okay."
  • (Brian Krause) "But as your brother-in-law, going up against your sisters would be pure suicide."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Great. You've really helped clarify this issue."
  • (Brian Krause) "Well, I know from experience Darklighter poison doesn't kill immediately, so there's still a window of opportunity."
  • (Brian Krause) "Ladies, death cannot be feared. For death, in time, comes to all witches. You know, the witch who says she's not scared in battle is a liar. The real witch is the one who fights."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Honey?"
  • (Brian Krause) "Yeah?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Zip it."
  • (Brian Krause) "Uh, Paige, where did you orb in from?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "I was dealing with some personal issues."
  • (Brian Krause) "Well, I'm your whitelighter so if you ever want to talk --"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "No."
  • (Brian Krause) "Hey, I'm not nauseous."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Hey, I am. Wait, that's not good news."
  • (Brian Krause) "Piper, I need you to help me find Paige."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I'm not talking to her until she cleans up her room."
  • (Brian Krause) "You know, you're a pretty good whitelighter."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Well, I learned from the best."
  • (Brian Krause) "Damn it, Paige. I would appreciate it if you didn't practice on me. I may be dead, but it still hurts."
  • (Brian Krause) "Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Don't be ridiculous, you're already dead."
  • (Dan Gordon) "Don't you have another house to repair?"
  • (Brian Krause) "No."
  • (Brian Krause) "-- plus ours will be doubly magical; half Whitelighter. Half witch."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Hey, that's like me. Oh. You might have some problems."
  • (Brian Krause) "It's your love that keeps me sane and whole and balanced"
  • (Brian Krause) "Now you know why we don't summon her more often."
  • (Brian Krause) "The spell, Piper, you need to reverse it. Fast."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I'm not sure I can."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Then you'd better make us disappear 'cause this one's gonna be tough to explain."
  • (Brian Krause) "You wanted a normal life, remember?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Look, that was before I realized our son was going to be humiliated in front of his entire class."
  • (Billie Jenkins) "Happened to me all the time. Only made me stronger."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "And shut it."
  • (Brian Krause) "Dammit."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Are Elders even allowed to swear?"
  • (Brian Krause) "No, but fathers are."
  • (Brian Krause) "Witch doctors are kind of a wild card. That's why the elders don't want us working with them."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Well, sometimes we don't want to work with the elders. So we're even."
  • (Witch Doctor) "You sure these are good witches that live here?"
  • (Brian Krause) "The best. Although one of them is going to go very evil on us if we don't get this room cleaned up in a hurry. Believe me."
  • (Witch Doctor) "Is that a fact?"
  • (Brian Krause) "Well, not literally."
  • (Brian Krause) "Give daddy back his powers now."
  • (Brian Krause) "Now that I'm a mortal, I'm going to fight for you and let the best man win."
  • (Brian Krause) "Yeah, that little elf? Got a big mouth."

Cristine Rose as Cole

  • (Cristine Rose) "You're pregnant?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I was, but now I think Leo is."
  • (Cristine Rose) "I'm goin' straight to hell cause it's got to be a sin to look THIS good."
  • (Bacarra) "I'm Bacarra, I've come here from the future."
  • (Cristine Rose) "-- Well, I can't say I've heard that before."
  • (Cristine Rose) "She's blown him up -- literally?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Yeah, but you know Piper, she didn't mean anything by it."
  • (Cristine Rose) "I think Leo should orb me down to the Underworld. I may not be a demon anymore, but I still know the terrain."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "And you may just find yourself in ever-lasting pain."
  • (Cristine Rose) "-- That was a rhyme."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "I know; and now is not the time."
  • (Witch Doctor) "How may I be of service?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "Are you a witch doctor?"
  • (Witch Doctor) "Let me guess. You were expecting someone with a bone through the nose and shrunken head necklace, perhaps?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Yeah, actually. Yeah. Yeah."
  • (Cristine Rose) "I can understand wanting to take a break from guys but, come on -- she's gonna run out the batteries."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Aw, Paige."
  • (Cristine Rose) "What?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "Hello? Oh, hey, Phoebe. We were just talking about you."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "And your batteries."
  • (Witch Doctor) "It's only a matter of time before they destroy themselves."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Talk about premature jubilation. You, gentlemen might want to see a doctor about that."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Bug spray. We should've used bug spray."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Well, you wanted to live like us. Now you get to die like us."
  • (Cristine Rose) "What just happened?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "The freaking furniture just attacked us."
  • (Craig) "Who are you?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "Witch."
  • (Brian Krause) "Angel."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Mermaid."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Besides, everyone is odd in San Francisco. That's why we fit in so well."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Well, I was sort of messing around with Dave --"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Messing around?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "Yeah, having sex."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Oh."
  • (Cristine Rose) "See, that's why I don't want to talk to you about this. It's weird talking to a pregnant lady about sex anyway."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Well, Paige, how do you think I got pregnant?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "Ugh, I don't want to know that either."
  • (Cristine Rose) "I can't believe that they exist -- not that I should be surprised."
  • (Cristine Rose) "I like an element of danger."
  • (Cristine Rose) "I'm telling you, he's gone for good."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Yeah -- that's what we thought last time."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "And the time before that."
  • (Cristine Rose) "And you, you're not La Femme Nikita, you're a Charmed One. Yeah, you don't mind kicking ass when you have to, but otherwise you'd rather be hanging out with your sisters, baking cookies, or knitting booties."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Knitting booties? Clearly you don't know me at all."
  • (Cristine Rose) "What? I -- I knocked."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Stop yelling at death."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Can someone please tell me how I got in a coffin?"
  • (Grams) "You were dead, dear. But bright side, at least now we have something in common."
  • (Cristine Rose) "You used to be a demon and a lawyer?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "Yeah."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Insert joke here."
  • (Cristine Rose) "No offense, but aren't you supposed to be dead?"
  • (Grams) "Oh, I'm over that."
  • (Cristine Rose) "All of them had their eyes gouged out."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Ew."
  • (Brian Krause) "Now the video doesn't seem so gruesome."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Ha. Speak for yourself."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Why would I ever not want to talk to you?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "I don't know, you know, just in case you thought I was a drunk or a lunatic, or a drunk lunatic."
  • (Cristine Rose) "He met some bimbette while climbing the Matterhorn."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "At Disneyland?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "No, Switzerland."
  • (Cristine Rose) "They're dicks."
  • (Kyle Brody) "Dicks."
  • (Cristine Rose) "No, like private eyes. Detectives. Don't you see? They wrote themselves in as the heroes of their own books. Like Sam Spade or Philip Marlowe."
  • (Head Dwarf) "You know, you really ought to get yourself a prince, in case this ever happens again."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Uh, who are you?"
  • (Head Dwarf) "We'll send you the bill. Let's go, men."
  • (Dorian Gregory) "Come on, guys, let's go."
  • (Cristine Rose) "My sweater shrunk."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Ah, come on. You've worn tighter things than that."
  • (Cristine Rose) "We're hardly typical. I proposed to you under a hail of demon goo, and you accepted while I was bleeding to death."
  • (Cristine Rose) "We kick evil's ass every day."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Sometimes twice a day."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Do you think you could shift the gears? My boobs are in the way."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Is there something that we don't know -- that we should know -- you know?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "You've got to hold my hand."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "This already sucks."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Okay, is that normal?"
  • (Brian Krause) "All this arguing is probably just upsetting the baby."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Leo, the baby is an inch long. All this arguing is upsetting the mommy."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Power. Power's good. I like power. Why do I like power?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "So I basically come off as this big, dumb, fat, unemployed loser."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "No, Paige, you're a big, dumb, fat, unemployed loser who saves the world."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Well guys, we better come up with a plan, because Lord Dyson is out there, getting stronger as we speak."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Thanks to Piper --"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "ALLRIGHT."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Did you get my flowers?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Yeah. "Sorry I tried to strangle you" Probably not a card the florist gets to write everyday."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Ok, I know you're angry, but before you say anything, we found out that the faction is led by a Warlock named Devlin."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Hmmm -- he looked more like a Joe to me."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Call me butter, 'cause I'm on a roll."
  • (Cristine Rose) "We're preparing for the big home birth."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Home birth? You're nuts. I'd never agree to that. I wouldn't give birth unless it was in --"
  • (Cristine Rose) "A hospital. Yeah, yeah, you keep saying the same thing in any reality."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Oh, gross. What are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "No, it's The Joys of Home Birthing. Strangely I'm not feeling the joy."
  • (Cristine Rose) "If you want to talk to Piper, she's in the room throwing up."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "What, is she sick?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "She's pregnant Phoebe, sickness is their way of life."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Phoebe, I love you. I don't know what's going on but maybe I can help. Would you like me to kill someone for you?"
  • (Drake Robin) "The point is, Leo and Piper's love, it's epic, it's massive. It's Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, Brad and Jennifer."
  • (Cristine Rose) "All tragedies, I might add."
  • (Cristine Rose) "We are not slobs."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Oh, really? How come I spent all night cleaning potion stains off of the ceiling?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "That's gazpacho, not potion."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Well, you know what? Blenders have lids."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Whoa -- full frontal Phoebe."
  • (Cristine Rose) "She flashed."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Yeah -- I; I got that."
  • (Cristine Rose) "No, I mean she flashed black-and-white."
  • (Cristine Rose) "I can't believe I destroyed the house."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "What I can't believe is what you almost saw in the hotel room. If you had gotten there five minutes earlier --"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Lalala. Over sharing."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Oh, the Elders don't know anything. What a shock."

Alyssa Milano as Phoebe

  • (Alyssa Milano) "A little help here."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "What are you doing with that thing?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Well, first I'm gonna kill it and then I'm gonna stuff it."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "You are not bringing that filthy fowl in the house."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Yes, I am. Thanksgiving's early this year."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "I'll do what I should've done a while ago which is vanquish your sorry ass."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "I need your help."
  • (Cristine Rose) "You've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "It's just research for that stupid article Jason made me do."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Ah, you said his name without swearing. Does that mean things are going better at work?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Oh, no. He's still driving me crazy."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Didn't he just give you a raise?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Yeah, but that was just a bribe so I wouldn't quit."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Ah, a woman of principles. I admire that."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Notice anything different about me?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Engagement ring. Notice it or wear coffee."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "I mean, you're not even showing yet -- except for your boobies."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I'm telling you, they are large and they are definitely in charge."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Hey. We've had this discussion. You're not allowed to use your active power on me, until I have an active power to use on you."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Come on, you don't think we'll be 60 and still living together, sharing clothes and a cat."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Well now that you put it that way, no, I don't want to live with you anymore."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Wanna take a wiccan time out and do the crossword puzzle?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Stop hinting around and let him have your crab already."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Don't be disgusting."
  • (Grams) "You and Paige moved out? When?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Uh, a few weeks ago. But we're handling everything."
  • (Grams) "Dear, you have Paige stuck in the past and a demonic blob roaming the manor. Exactly how are you handling things?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "28 minutes, 33 seconds."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Really? We ran that long?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "No, that's how long you've been comparing Leo and Dan."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I haven't been comparing; I've just been -- talking."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Non-stop."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "No I can still cast spells and do the power of three thing. Whatever the problem is it seems more natural than supernatural."
  • (Brian Krause) "Phoebe why didn't you come to me, I'm your Whitelighter."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Because you've been busy."
  • (Brian Krause) "I've been busy?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Well I've been busy. My work schedule has been really hectic. But I'm coming to you guys now."
  • (Brian Krause) "Ok you guys yell at her, and I'm gonna check with the Elders and see what they know."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "We could sure use some cosmic help right about now."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Anyone got a vanquish in their pocket"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "What about water birth? Can we do that at home?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Sure, we can rent a tub."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "What am I a dolphin? I'm not giving birth to fish."
  • (Brian Krause) "Well, actually, dolphins aren't fish. They're mammals."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Shut up."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "So, we get to go back there? And we get to meet our grandfather?"
  • (Grams) "Don't make too much out of it, because whatever you do, you can't change the past or tell anyone you're from the future."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Well, why does he get to?"
  • (Dorian Gregory) "Because I know what I'm doing."
  • (Grams) "Not from where I'm standing."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "I can't believe you guys didn't notice my billboards downtown."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Oh, honey, of course we noticed. You can see them from a passing 747."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Okay we theme, you potion."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Me peeved, you annoying."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Will your friends be staying for dinner?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "I'm going to have a hard enough time convincing them to stay 'til the end of the meeting if you don't stop threatening to kill them."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "The wrong thing done for the right reason is still the wrong thing."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "I just want to know, am I in for another cold shower or not?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "You know Phoebe, there are times in our lives where a cold shower is a good thing."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Are you making spaghetti sauce?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "No, that's demon blood."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "AT&T;, Power of Three."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Go away horny tom cats."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Cole, these boots may be made for walkin, but they're NEVER walkin' back to you buddy."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Lawyers. There should be a place in Hell for each and every one of them."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "We're not demon hunting. We're going to lunch."
  • (Dorian Gregory) "Hey. I am not unreasonable. You can hunt demons after lunch."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Where the hell is Leo, it's been five hours and he hasn't responded to any of my calls."
  • (Chris Perry) "I really don't know"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Well I really think you do know"
  • (Chris Perry) "Well maybe I do, and if I'm right, Leo's gonna need some major alone time"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "You know what? Cut the cryptic crap. I want you to go up there and bring Leo back now."
  • (Chris Perry) "Fine. But if I was you I would focus on finding a way to unfreeze Paige 'cause you're gonna need her -- soon"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I swear to God if he does not bring Leo back I am gonna blow his ass back to the future orbs and all."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Okay, Piper maybe it would be better if you go downstairs and spend some time with Wyatt -- you're not breathing are you?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Nope"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Breathe, inhale, exhale, okay next sister."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "You have really got to lay off the rhyming, Prue"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Go to hell."
  • (Cristine Rose) "We're already here."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Last night two guys held up a bar and a vigilante killed them."
  • (Cristine Rose) "Sounds more like you need an arrest warrant, not a potion."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Not when the vigilante is tall, dark and handsome and can send people flying with the wave of a hand."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Well, that doesn't mean it's Cole."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Did I forget to mention the scorch marks?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "See, that means it's Cole."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "I don't get it. If our ancient compilation of spells, witchcraft and rituals can't help us, what makes you think Martha Stewart can?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "I think I did something really bad -- I slept with my boss."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Jason?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "No, Elise. Yes, Jason."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "I curse you, you curse me, let's get together and do a little cursing."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "You know what? You're a turkey. And turkeys don't write columns."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "But they do make delicious dinners."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Sorry, had to grab my broom."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "What do you think he wants?"
  • (Cristine Rose) "Our heads on a platter."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "You're a monkey. Ooh, you're an angry monkey. Oh, you're pissed. You're- PMS monkey?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "I hope this doesn't mean we get our virginity back too."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "What are those?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Slipcovers. To keep the furniture clean. Although I've come to the conclusion we should probably just stand from now on."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Piper."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Don't you "Piper" me."
  • (Grams) "You need guidance, some advice on a certain sister situation. Am I getting warm?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Red hot. But wait a minute, if you know, that means that they know, and if they know then we are f --"
  • (Grams) "Fine."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "No time to dawdle, there's a baby on the way."
  • (Brian Krause) "This is crazy. You can't leave like this."
  • (Cristine Rose) "We, very well can't ignore Chris's birth now can we?"
  • (Dorian Gregory) "I'm the baby. I give you permission to."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "I mean, between you and Leo, and Prue, the new Hot Wicca Woman, and me, soon to be employed, things are looking up."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Don't say that. The moment someone says that, everything always goes south."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Unless you freeze him. Oh, I couldn't help it. It was so good."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "Okay, okay, come on, we're going, you're going to borrow the car."
  • (Brian Krause) "Good morning."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Yeah, we heard."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Okay, Piper. As much as we would love to hear about your man problems, we have a possible demon to vanquish."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "What a cool power, I hate her."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Ready to kick some ass -- sis?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Dead? What do you mean she's dead?"
  • (Brian Krause) "Don't worry. The dwarves are all over it."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "The dwarves?"
  • (Brian Krause) "Piper cast a spell that wound up summoning the descendents of the seven dwarves. Actually, they prefer to be called little people now."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Can you do anything about this thunder? 'Cause it's making me nuts."
  • (The Seer) "I have no sway over the weather. I do have a friend who works with the wind, but she's out of town."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "It'll be just like the summer by the lake. Remember when we made that blood oath to be friends forever, not just sisters?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I remember my finger got infected."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Drake? Are you okay?"
  • (Drake Robin) "Drake? Who's Drake? I'm Robin Hood -- of Nottingham."
  • (Alyssa Milano) ""We harken ye"? What are we trying to summon a leprechaun here?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "I think I found the demon. Oh my god --"
  • (Cristine Rose) "What? You can't say "demons" followed by "oh my god"; I'm new at this, I'm likely to panic."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Okay, something really freaky happened last night when I was with Miles."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "You guys are all ready getting freaky?"

Dorian Gregory as Dwarf

  • (Dorian Gregory) "Okay, where is this baby that everybody keeps talking about? Is it an invisible baby? Am I gonna step on it?"
  • (Dorian Gregory) "This is the last time I come to this place for lunch."
  • (Dorian Gregory) "Oh, no creepy talk in the precinct. Will you just keep down the creepy talk."
  • (Dorian Gregory) "I was just wondering how it went with the doctor."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Well, you'll be happy to know that you're a boy."
  • (Dorian Gregory) "That's not what I meant."
  • (Cristine Rose) "I don't see it."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Oh, see, it's this little thing right here --"
  • (Dorian Gregory) "Whoa."
  • (Dorian Gregory) "Excuse me. Do you mind?"
  • (Dorian Gregory) "In the future, everyone tried to control the demon with no name, but it can't be done."
  • (Grams) "That's hardly a winning attitude, young man. And why, in heaven's name, couldn't the people in the future find some name for that thing?"

Shannen Doherty as Prue

  • (Shannen Doherty) "Yeah, well, rules are meant to be broken."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Yeah, but bodies weren't."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "And neither were hearts."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "I hate to be the detail police."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "Great, so some guy couldn't keep it in his sheath and now I'm marked for death."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Well, some men can be very sensitive about their weapons."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "What is he again?"
  • (Alyssa Milano) "He's a Whitelighter. You know, kinda like Peter Pan and Tinkerbell without the wings and the tutu."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "I mean, well, you are a warlock magnet."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "Where's Piper?"
  • (Brian Krause) "Upstairs, recovering from what happened at the office."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "Why? What happened?"
  • (Brian Krause) "She -- sort of -- blew some of it up."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "I mean, how come we can't fight the demon of cleanliness or the demon of housekeeping, or even that really big bald guy, Mr. Clean? I would so totally take him on."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "Hey, be nice. I don't even want to think about sin tonight."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Me neither."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "So, this is an interesting band, what's their name?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "Orgy."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "Innocents and alleys, don't they ever learn?"
  • (Shannen Doherty) "Leo you can't just let Piper die."
  • (Brian Krause) "Don't you think I would do something about it if I could?"
  • (Shannen Doherty) "But you love her."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "I came, I saw, I was perky."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "What are you doing?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I think you've got fleas."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "You know what? That's so not funny because I think I do."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "Cop, witch. It's not a love connection."
  • (Alyssa Milano) "Boy, girl. Lighten up."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?"
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "I'm going to be a very good witch from now on."
  • (Shannen Doherty) "Here's to Leo for saving me from eternal torment."
  • (Holly Marie Combs) "And to me for not trying to be the perfect couple, if it isn't good enough for them, then screw them."

Finola Hughes as Wyatt Halliwell

  • (Finola Hughes) "Is this Chris? He's so small. Is this before or after he swallowed that marble?"

Ted King as Andy

  • (Ted King) "Everything happens for a reason, remember, you told me that, Prue."

Billy Drago as Barbas

  • (Billy Drago) "How cute. The great big elder's afraid of the teeny-weeny itsy-witsy baby."

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