Ceasefire (M*A*S*H) Quotes

Ceasefire (M*A*S*H) is a television show that first aired in 1970 . Ceasefire ended its run in 1970.

Ceasefire (M*A*S*H) Quotes

• (Radar) "I thought this stuff was supposed to make you feel better."
• (B.J.) "No. It's supposed to make you feel nothing."

• (Hawkeye) "Did anyone ever tell you, you have the voice of a songbird slowly drowning in tar?"

• (Trapper) "Take a walk, Frank."
• (Hawkeye) "Yeah, take a major walk."

• (Charles) "Live. That's an order."

• (Colonel Flagg) "I could kill you with one finger."

• (Radar) "My own father didn't have me until he was 63, and the first time we played peek-a-boo together he had a stroke."

• (Radar) "Whoa, did you know it's yesterday there?"
• (Hawkeye) "Well, it's today here."
• (B.J.) "It's always today here."
• (Hawkeye) "Oh, yeah? What about tomorrow?"
• (B.J.) "Good point."
• (Hawkeye) "Ha, I wasn't born yesterday."

• (Unnamed) "Hear ye, Hear ye, it's 0700 and all is hell. Incoming wounded, folks."

• (Frank Burns) "It's the way these yellow devils think. It's burned into their brains. Kill Americans, kill, kill. They don't respect human life the way we do. I'd like to take him out and shoot him."

• (Hawkeye) "Sidney? Hawkeye Pierce. Did I interrupt you in the middle of someone?"

• (Frank Burns) "You disgust me."
• (Hawkeye) "You're right, Frank -- I discussed you with everyone I know and we all find you disgusting."

• (Charles) "Where is that Lebanese mongoose?"

• (Father Mulcahy) "You'd be surprised what a priest can get away with."

• (Hawkeye) "Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of happy hour."

• (Henry Blake) "You two have gone over my head so many times I have athlete's scalp."

• (Radar) "Sir, there's someone waiting to see you."
• (Henry Blake) "I was born with someone waiting to see me."

• (Frank Burns) "I don't see why the American taxpayer has to pay for a wedding between these two pagans."
• (Margaret) "They're not pagans, Frank. Everyone's going to be wearing clothes."

• (Frank Burns) "Funny thing, war: never have so many suffered so much so so few could be so happy."
• (Margaret) "We're lucky to be two of the few and not the many."
• (Frank Burns) "I know, darling, and I love being both of us."

• (Frank Burns) "It's nice to be nice -- to the nice."

• (Klinger) "Sir, I've had a lot of experience in these matters."
• (Charles) "I do not need the wisdom of your experience. I am not selling watches from the trunk of a car."

• (Frank Burns) "Margaret, can't we please talk about this?"
• (Margaret) "Remove your hand or I'll zap you with my knee."

• (Hawkeye) "Klinger, get back here as fast as you can. We want a few minutes before the party to beat the daylights out of you."

• (Unnamed) "Attention, all personnel -- the wounded you've all been waiting for has finally arrived in person -- report to the Big Top immediately; the circus is about to begin."

• (Dr. Sidney Freedman) "I haven't washed my hands since I became a psychiatrist."

• (Frank Burns) "This is the last straw."
• (Hawkeye) "Remind me to order more straws."

• (Unnamed) "Attention, all personnel; we interrupt your sweet dreams to bring you the following nightmare."

• (Father Mulcahy) "Colonel, an ambulance has turned over in the compound, you better come on the double."
• (Col. Potter) "Anybody hurt?"
• (Father Mulcahy) "Well, the driver's a bit shaken-up, but he'll be all right."
• (Col. Potter) "No-one else inside?"
• (Father Mulcahy) "No."
• (Col. Potter) "Thank God."
• (Father Mulcahy) "I already did."

• (Henry Blake) "You're always wrong, Frank. That's what's so right about you."

• (Frank Burns) "That's not my department, sir; intelligence is something I try to avoid."

• (Colonel Flagg) "You think you're real smart. But you're not smart; you're dumb. Very dumb. But you've met your match in me."

• (Henry Blake) "Boy, those two poops are gonna drive me dippy."

• (Hawkeye) "I'm too frightened to be scared."

• (B.J.) "Why don't you do us a favour, and break it in."

• (Charles) "Hunnicutt, I've known a lot of people in my life. You are not among them."

• (Frank Burns) "I know I'm a real asset."
• (Hawkeye) "You're only off by two letters."

• (Unnamed) "Attention all personnel. Due to a lack of casualties, today's midnight movie will be shown at 9:00 in the morning -- And midnight has been canceled."

• (Margaret) "I am a woman, after all."
• (Hawkeye) "Is that true, Frank?"

• (Frank Burns) "I love it here."
• (Col. Potter) "Either you or Klinger is nuts. Now I have to figure out which one."

• (Margaret) "Act like a man, you sniveling twerp."

• (Unnamed) "Attention all personnel. Due to the shortage of oil and wood, tonight's movie will be burned at 1800."

• (Hawkeye) "We like it. It's modeled after the Chicago sewer system."

• (Klinger) "50 more pounds, and I'm homeward-bound."
• (Col. Potter) "You're going to eat you way to a discharge?"
• (Klinger) "I call it "Food for Freedom"."
• (Col. Potter) "I call it "Suicide by Salami"."
• (Klinger) "I'll take my chances."
• (Col. Potter) "Okay, when you can't get through that door, come see me."
• (Klinger) "I'll be wearing a size 30, sir."

• (Hawkeye) "You're a better nurse than I am, Gunga Din."

• (Henry Blake) "Frank, whatever it is, just write it down and put it on my desk where I can't find it."

• (Radar) "Sir, I was just crossing the compound when --"
• (Frank Burns) "I have no interest in the compound."
• (Klinger) "He has no compound-interest."

• (B.J.) "Big surprise dinner party. Spectacularly unforgetable. Have you ever considered renting your mouth out to the motor pool as a garage?"

• (B.J.) "What's Frank up to?"
• (Hawkeye) "I think he's vacuuming Korea. Eisenhower's coming; he wants everything just so."

• (Trapper) "They got a lot of guts."
• (Hawkeye) "And they keep serving them."

• (Frank Burns) "I'm sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot?"

• (Radar) "Will Scotch be all right for everybody, sir?"
• (Henry Blake) "Yeah, fine, Radar; perfect."
• (Radar) "Uh, I ran out of ice sir, so I used bourbon."

• (Trapper) "I've never met a nurse that didn't register."

• (Frank Burns) "Klinger, how dare you wear that hat while in uniform?"
• (Klinger) "It's spring, sir."

• (Hawkeye) "Unhand me you varlet, you know not who you touch."

• (Dr. Sidney Freedman) "You're a tribute to man's endurance. A monument to hope in size 12 pumps. I hope you do get out someday. There would be a battalion of men in hoop skirts right behind you."

• (Frank Burns) "Attention all Allied personnel. There are only about half a dozen stars visible, sky-wise. I am directly under the brightest one."
• (Hawkeye) "Very good, Frank."
• (B.J.) "They'll start looking for us in Bethlehem."

• (Margaret) "Oh, Frank. You're so above average."

• (Unnamed) "Attention, all personnel; this is your wake-up call."

• (Unnamed) "Attention, all personnel; incoming wounded. Out of the frying pan and into the O.R."

• (Frank Burns) "We're making real progress."
• (Hawkeye) "I can tell. You have a Korean accent."

• (Father Mulcahy) "Colonel Blake, are you busy?"
• (Henry Blake) "No -- I'm telling this mian's fortune by reading his bowels."

• (Hawkeye) "Blow in my ear."
• (Margaret) "What?"
• (Hawkeye) "I'm so cold I think my pilot's gone out."

• (Hawkeye) "War isn't Hell. War is war, and Hell is Hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse."
• (Father Mulcahy) "How do you figure, Hawkeye?"
• (Hawkeye) "Easy, Father. Tell me, who goes to Hell?"
• (Father Mulcahy) "Sinners, I believe."
• (Hawkeye) "Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chock full of them; little kids, cripples, old ladies. In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander."

• (Frank Burns) "The men hate me, don't they?"
• (Radar) "Just your guts, sir."

• (Col. Potter) "The General answers his own phone. Must be a Unitarian."

• (Trapper) "How should I know? I dropped out of school to become a doctor."

• (Frank Burns) "Why don't you guys like me?"
• (Hawkeye) "Because you're a lousy doctor and a rotten person."
• (Frank Burns) "Aside from that."
• (B.J.) "Well, there's your pimples."
• (Frank Burns) "My pores won't close."

• (Col. Potter) "Y'know, I had a still, on Guam. One night, it blew up."
• (Col. Potter) "That's how I got my Purple Heart."

• (Frank Burns) "Courage is something you shouldn't be afraid to have."

• (Frank Burns) "Spontaneity has its time and its place."

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