As Good as It Gets Quotes

As Good as It Gets is a TV show that debuted in 1970 . As Good as It Gets ended its run in 1970.

It features James L. Brooks, Bridget Johnson, and Kristi Zea as producer, Hans Zimmer in charge of musical score, and John Bailey (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

As Good as It Gets is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of As Good as It Gets is 139 minutes long. As Good as It Gets is distributed by TriStar Pictures.

The cast includes: Jack Nicholson as Melvin Udall, Helen Hunt as Carol Connelly, Greg Kinnear as Simon Bishop, Shirley Knight as Beverly Connelly, Lawrence Kasdan as Dr. Green, Cuba Gooding Jr. as Frank Sachs, Harold Ramis as Dr. Martin Bettes, and Yeardley Smith as Jackie.

As Good as It Gets Quotes

Jack Nicholson as Melvin Udall

• (Jack Nicholson) "I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence," and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Did you have sex with her?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Oh, sorry. I didn't know she was here. Did you have sex with her?"

• (Jack Nicholson) "I'm dying here."
• (Greg Kinnear) "Because you love her."
• (Jack Nicholson) "No. And you people are supposed to be sensitive and sharp?"

• (Jack Nicholson) "Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City "Sailor wanna hump-hump" bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here."

• (Jack Nicholson) "I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water."

• (Jack Nicholson) "I can't do this without you. I'm afraid he might pull the stiff one-eye on me."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Love that dog."
• (Greg Kinnear) "You don't love anything, Mr Udall."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Just what the world needs, another actress."

• (Jack Nicholson) "No thank you. Shouldn't that be a good thing?"

• (Jack Nicholson) "Well, it's not right to go into details, I got nervous. I screwed up, I said the wrong thing -- Where if I hadn't, I could be in bed right now with a woman who, if you make her laugh, you got a life. Instead I'm here with you"
• (Jack Nicholson) ". No offense, but a moron pushing the last legal drug."

• (Jack Nicholson) "I don't get this place. They make me buy a new outfit and let you in a housedress. I don't get it."

• (Jack Nicholson) "You like sad stories? Wanna hear mine?"

• (Jack Nicholson) "How old are you? Because going by your eyes I'd say you were fifty."
• (Helen Hunt) "Ha. Going by your eyes I'd say you were kind. So much for eyes."

• (Jack Nicholson) "You changed your office around."
• (Lawrence Kasdan) "I also grew a beard, but you don't care about me."

• (Jack Nicholson) "I will tell you why the dog prefers me, now. It's a trick. I carry bacon."

• (Receptionist) "I can't resist. You usually move through here so quickly and I just have so many questions I want to ask you. You have no idea what your work means to me."
• (Jack Nicholson) "What does it mean to you?"
• (Receptionist) "When somebody out there knows what it's like --"
• (Receptionist) "-- to be in here."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Oh God, this is like a nightmare."
• (Receptionist) "Oh come on. Just a couple of questions. How hard is that?"
• (Receptionist) "How do you write women so well?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability."

• (Jack Nicholson) "At last she was able to define love -- Love was? Ah."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Oh, now I'm pissed. Now I'm really pissed."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Can I ask you a personal question?"
• (Greg Kinnear) "Sure."
• (Jack Nicholson) "You ever get an erection over a woman?"
• (Greg Kinnear) "Melvin --"
• (Jack Nicholson) "I mean, wouldn't your life be easier if you weren't --"
• (Greg Kinnear) "You consider your life easy?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "All right, I give you that one."

• (Jack Nicholson) ""'You saved my life,' she said -- 'You'd better make it up to me.'""

• (Jack Nicholson) "This is New York, pal. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Oh, you were talking about your dog. I thought you were referring to that colored man inside your apartment."
• (Greg Kinnear) "Uh, what color would that be?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Like uh, like thick MO-lasses."

• (Jack Nicholson) "I've got Jews at my table."
• (Helen Hunt) "It's not your table, behave. This once, you can sit at someone else's station."
• (Helen Hunt) "Or you can wait your turn."

• (Jack Nicholson) "I've got a really great compliment for you, and it's true."
• (Helen Hunt) "I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Okay, here I go: Clearly, a mistake. I've got this, what; ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I hate pills, very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never -- all right, well, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills."
• (Helen Hunt) "I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me."
• (Jack Nicholson) "You make me want to be a better man."
• (Helen Hunt) "-- That's maybe the best compliment of my life."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Well, maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?"
• (Greg Kinnear) "Uhm, yes. It's not a -- subtle point that you're making."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Okay then."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Want something?"
• (Helen Hunt) "Warm rolls."

• (Jack Nicholson) "As long as you keep your work zipped up around me, I don't give a rat-crap what or where you shove your show. Are we done being neighbors for now?"

• (Jack Nicholson) "Is that something that's bad for you to be around, for you?"
• (Helen Hunt) "No."

• (Jack Nicholson) "I can't get back to my old life. She's evicted me from my life."
• (Greg Kinnear) "Did you really like it all that much?"

• (Jack Nicholson) "Police. Donut-munching morons, HELP ME. HELP ME."
• (Cuba Gooding Jr.) "Shh."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Assault and Battery; and you're black."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Hi."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Help."
• (Lawrence Kasdan) "If you want to see me, you will not do this. You will make an appointment."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Dr. Green, how can you diagnose someone as an obsessive compulsive disorder, and then act like I have some choice about barging in here?"

• (Jack Nicholson) "Over a dog. Over an ugly dog."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Hey, what I did for you -- it's working out?"
• (Helen Hunt) "-- What you did changed my life."
• (Jack Nicholson) "No, no thank-you notes."
• (Helen Hunt) "Well, part of what I said in this entire history of my life which you won't read is that somehow you've done more for my mother, my son and me, than anyone else ever has -- And that makes you the most important, surprising, generous person I've ever met and that you be in our daily prayers forever. I also wrote one part -- I wrote, "I'm sorry" -- I was talking about I was sorry when I got mad at you when you came over and you told my son that he ought to answer back so I wrote that I was sorry for busting you on that -- and I'm sorry for busting in on you that night -- when I said I was never -- I was sorry and I'm sorry every time your food was cold and that you had to wait two seconds for a coffee filler -- and I'm sorry for never spotting, right there at the table in the restaurant, the human being that had it in him to do this thing for us -- You know what, I'm just going to start from the beginning -- I have not been able to express my gratefulness to you -- even as I look at the word "grateful" now it doesn't begin to tell you what I feel for you --"

• (Jack Nicholson) "I need you to chaperone, separate everything but cars. You said you liked convertibles. Now, I'm on the hook."
• (Helen Hunt) "I'm sorry, "the stiff one eye"?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Two days."
• (Helen Hunt) "I can't, I work."
• (Jack Nicholson) "You get off when you want to."
• (Helen Hunt) "My son."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Bettes says he's doing fine."
• (Helen Hunt) "-- Melvin, I'd rather not."
• (Jack Nicholson) "What has that got to do with it?"
• (Helen Hunt) "Funny, I thought it was a strong point."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Write a note, isn't she sweet? I need a hand and where'd she go?"
• (Helen Hunt) "Are you saying accepting your help obligates me?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Is there any other way to see it?"
• (Helen Hunt) "-- No."

• (Jack Nicholson) "You're a disgrace to depression."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Forget I said that."
• (Helen Hunt) "I'll never forget you said it."

• (Jack Nicholson) "I work at home, do you realise that?"
• (Greg Kinnear) "No, I did not know that."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Do you like being interrupted when you're nancying around in your little garden?"
• (Greg Kinnear) "No. Actually sometimes I put the stereo on and --"

• (Jack Nicholson) "What if this is as good as it gets?"

• (Jack Nicholson) "People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Judging from your eyes, I'd say you were fifty."
• (Helen Hunt) "Judging from your eyes, I'd say you were kind, so so much for eyes."

Greg Kinnear as Simon Bishop

• (Greg Kinnear) "The best thing you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself."

• (Greg Kinnear) "Is this fun for you? You lucky devil. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? I'm losing my apartment, Melvin. And Frank, he wants me to beg my parents, who haven't called me, for help. And I won't. And -- I -- I don't want to paint any more. So the life that I was trying for, is over. the life that I had is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe."

• (Greg Kinnear) "Thank you, Melvin. You -- overwhelm me."
• (Greg Kinnear) "I love you."
• (Jack Nicholson) "I tell you, buddy -- I'd be the luckiest guy alive if that did it for me."

• (Greg Kinnear) "Rot in hell, Melvin."
• (Jack Nicholson) "No need to stop being a lady. Quit worryin. You'll be back on your knees in no time."

• (Greg Kinnear) "Waiting gives the devil time."

• (Greg Kinnear) "Verdell. What's wrong? You miss the tough guy?"
• (Greg Kinnear) "Well, here I am, sweetheart. Happy to see me, you little pissant mop? How 'bout another ride down the chute?"

• (Greg Kinnear) "Mommy and Daddy are home."
• (Greg Kinnear) "Sorry. You're just fun to mess with."

• (Greg Kinnear) "Why are you doing this to me?"

• (Greg Kinnear) "Melvin, do you know where you're lucky? You know who you want."

• (Greg Kinnear) "Lucky for you -- you're here for rock-bottom. You absolute horror of a human being."

• (Greg Kinnear) "The life I was trying for is gone, but it's high times for you, isn't it Mr Udall? The gay neighbour's terrified. Terrified."

Helen Hunt as Carol Connelly

• (Helen Hunt) "To hell with sex. It was better than sex. We held each other. What I needed, he gave me great."

• (Helen Hunt) "I'm sure Simon they did something really "off" in order for you to feel this way but when it comes to your parents or your kids something will always be "off" unless you set it straight and maybe this thing happened to you so you have a chance to do that"
• (Greg Kinnear) "When I was a kid I always painted and my mother always encouraged it, she was very fabulous about it, I was too young to think that there was anything wrong with it, so she used to pose nude for me, I always thought or I assumed my father knew about it, one day he found us and started screaming I was trying to defend my mother and make peace in the lamest way, I said " she's not naked, it's art" and he started hitting me and beat me unconscious, he taught me a lesson he thought I'd never forget, he knew what I was even before I did, the morning I left for college he walked into my room and held out his hand and it was filled with money, a big sweaty wad of money and he said, " take this and I don't want you ever to come back", I grabbed him and hugged him and he turned around and walked out I haven't seen him or talked to him since"

• (Helen Hunt) "You're going to die soon with that diet. You know that, right?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Oh, we're all going to die soon. I will, you will, and it sure sounds like your son will."
• (Helen Hunt) "If you ever mention my son again, you will not be able to eat here any more, Mr Udall. Do you understand me? Give me some sign you understand me, you sick f***."

• (Helen Hunt) "Come on in, and try not to ruin everything by being you."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Maybe we could live without the wisecracks."
• (Helen Hunt) "Maybe we could."

• (Helen Hunt) "My knees go when you turn on the Charm full blast."

• (Helen Hunt) "You look so se- -- um, you look great. You look great."

• (Helen Hunt) "I'm not going to sleep with you. I will never sleep with you, never, ever. Not ever."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Well, I'm sorry, but, um -- we don't open for the "no sex oaths" until 9am."

• (Helen Hunt) "Have you ever let a romantic moment make you do something that you knew was stupid?"

• (Helen Hunt) "And then they send me to ER where I have to talk to whatever 12 year old they just made a Doctor --"

• (Helen Hunt) "How are you?"
• (Greg Kinnear) "Don't ask. I'm tired of my own complaints. I need to get some new thoughts."
• (Helen Hunt) "Why? What are you thinking about now?"
• (Greg Kinnear) "How to die, mostly."
• (Helen Hunt) "To think that in our little mix you're the good roommate."

• (Helen Hunt) "Is it a secret what you're doing here?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "I had to see you."
• (Helen Hunt) "Because?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "It relaxes me. I'd feel better sitting ouside your apartment on the curb than any other place I can think of or imagine."

• (Helen Hunt) "OK, we all have these terrible stories to get over, and you- --"
• (Jack Nicholson) "It's not true. Some of us have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good."

• (Helen Hunt) "When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome -- and then, of course, you spoke."

• (Helen Hunt) "Do you want to dance?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "I've been thinking about that for a while."
• (Helen Hunt) "Well?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "No."

• (Helen Hunt) "I want your life for five minutes when someone's offering me a free convertible so I can get outta this city."

• (Helen Hunt) "A compliment is something nice about somebody else."

• (Helen Hunt) "Why can't I have a normal boyfriend? Just a regular boyfriend, one that doesn't go nuts on me."
• (Shirley Knight) "Everybody wants that, dear. It doesn't exist."

Harold Ramis as Dr. Martin Bettes

• (Harold Ramis) "Have they done blood tests on him?"
• (Helen Hunt) "Yes."
• (Harold Ramis) "Only in the emergency room, or when he was well?"
• (Helen Hunt) "Emergency room only."
• (Harold Ramis) "Have they done skin testing for allergies?"
• (Helen Hunt) "No."
• (Harold Ramis) "Standard scratch test? Where they make small injections into the skin?"
• (Helen Hunt) "No. I asked. They said it wasn't covered under my plan, and that it's not necessary anyway. Why, was it?"
• (Harold Ramis) "Well --"
• (Helen Hunt) "f***ing H.M.O. bastard pieces of s***."
• (Shirley Knight) "Carol."
• (Helen Hunt) "Sorry."
• (Harold Ramis) "It's okay. Actually, I think that's their technical name."

• (Harold Ramis) "My wife is Melvin Udall's publisher. She said that I was to take excellent care of this little guy because you are urgently needed back at work. What kind of work do you do?"
• (Helen Hunt) "I'm a waitress."
• (Shirley Knight) "In Manhattan."

Cuba Gooding Jr. as Frank Sachs

• (Cuba Gooding Jr.) "I grew up in hell. My grandmother has more attitude than you."

• (Cuba Gooding Jr.) "If there's a mental health organization that raises money for people like you, be sure to let me know."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Last word freak."

• (Cuba Gooding Jr.) "Can you drive him?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Think white, and get serious."

• (Cuba Gooding Jr.) "You can take my car, a convertible. Do you drive?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Like the wind, BUT I'M NOT DOIN' IT."
• (Helen Hunt) "Gettin' loud."

• (Cuba Gooding Jr.) "I HATE doing this. I'm an Art Dealer."

Yeardley Smith as Jackie

• (Yeardley Smith) "Simon, you're broke the medical bills are sixty one thousand now and the show didn't go well I've spoken to your parents they didn't hang up or anything but they say they'd feel strange if they called you"

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