Arrested Development (season 2) Quotes

Arrested Development is a TV program that debuted in 2004 on Fox Broadcasting Company. Arrested Development ended in 2005.

Arrested Development was on for 18 episodes.

The cast includes: David Cross as Tobias Fünke, Ron Howard as Narrator, Will Arnett as Gob, Michael Cera as George Michael Bluth, Jason Bateman as Michael, Jessica Walter as Lucille, Ron Howard as Rita, Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth, Tony Hale as Buster, Michael Cera as George Sr., Portia de Rossi as Lindsay Funke, David Cross as Tobias Funke, Alia Shawkat as Maebe, Michael Cera as George Michael, Portia de Rossi as Lindsay, Jessica Walter as Lucille Bluth, and Portia de Rossi as Lindsey.

Arrested Development Quotes

David Cross as Tobias Fünke

(Unnamed) "Are you going to actually buy something this time, or are you just curious?"
(David Cross) "Well, let's just say that I'm buy-curious."

(David Cross) "Bad news, Michael, I am afraid that I am no longer an understudy for the Blue Man Group. It seems that we have parted ways."
(Jason Bateman) ""Cease and decist -- ""
(David Cross) "Apparently, they dont like competition."

(David Cross) "Where the f*** are my hard-boiled eggs?"

(David Cross) "Michael, you are not quite the ladies man I had pictured. Hopefully, we will remedy that when we are in the spa spreading body chocolate on each other."

(David Cross) "I'm looking for something that says "Dad likes leather"."
(Unnamed) "You mean -- Leather Daddy?"

(David Cross) "I just found out that my cellular telephone was a lemon. It didn't work."

(Carl Weathers) "I'm going to go get a drink refill. You know you can get unlimited refills on any drink you want -- and it's free?"
(David Cross) "It's a wonderful restaurant."
(Ron Howard) "It sure is."

(David Cross) "Don't leave your uncle T-Bag hanging."
(Michael Cera) "Please don't call yourself that."

(David Cross) "Good news, everyone. I bought the Queen Mary."
(Will Arnett) "Really? I was just thinking of getting a yacht."
(David Cross) "Well, I was dancing with the owner and he was looking to sell -- Also, he really, really did look like a woman -- But can you believe it? The only reason he's selling it is because, supposedly, it's in a bad neighborhood?"
(Portia de Rossi) "You idiot. I was going to use the stock money to get us into the country club."
(Jason Bateman) "What?"
(Portia de Rossi) "-- It's in such a nice neighborhood."
(Jason Bateman) "I don't believe this. Didn't any of you read that memo?"
(Ron Howard) "None of them had read past the word "unfrozen.""

(David Cross) "If this scene I recreate, perhaps I can resnare my mate --"
(Ron Howard) "Why wouldn't she take him back?"

(David Cross) "I need to go take down the buffet and set up the leather pony."
(Jason Bateman) "What's the leather pony?"
(David Cross) "I don't know, we don't have that at lunch."

(David Cross) "So what are your plans for this evening?"
(Bob Loblaw) "I thought that maybe I would stay in and work on my law blog."
(David Cross) "Ah, yes. The "Bob Loblaw Law Blog". You, sir, are a mouthful."

(David Cross) "Do you see me more as the respected dramatic actor or more of the beloved comic actor?"
(Carl Weathers) "Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you've got a stew going."
(David Cross) "Yes, that's fine, but I would like to focus on my acting, Mr. Weathers. I did give you my last $1, 100."
(Carl Weathers) "Let me tell you a little story about acting. I was doing this Showtime movie, Hot Ice with Anne Archer, never once touched my per diem. I'd go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup -- baby, I got a stew going."
(David Cross) "I think I'd like my money back."

(David Cross) "I blue myself."
(Jason Bateman) "There has got to be a better way to say that."

(David Cross) "That Funke is some kind of something. Boy, this Funke is all anybody's ever talking about. So sick and tired of hearing about how brilliant that Funke is. Overrated."

(David Cross) "Somebody is a rude Gus."

(David Cross) "Michael, you are quite the cupid. You can stick an arrow in my buttocks any time."

(David Cross) "So fill each one of these bags with some glitter, my photo resume, some candy, and a note."
(Mae 'Maebe' Funke) ""I know where you live, ha, ha." Casting directors hate this."
(Ron Howard) "They really do."
(Unnamed) "The glitteratti has struck again."
(Unnamed) "Never hire Tobias Funke."

(Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Didnt you get a job or something?"
(David Cross) "No, no I didnt. Unless -- you consider "World's Coolest Daddy" a job."

(David Cross) "Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over; an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist."

(David Cross) "I want my family back. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I want to reunite the band."
(Jason Bateman) "Oh, no."
(Ron Howard) "Oh, no was right. In the mid '90s, Tobias formed a folk music band with Lindsay and Maebe which he called Dr. Funke's 100 Percent Natural Good Time Family Band Solution. The group was underwritten by the Natural Food Life Company, a division of Chem-Grow, an Allen Crayne acqusition, which was part of the Squimm Group. Their motto was simple: We keep you alive."

(David Cross) "Somebody is a Rude Gus."

(David Cross) "No, no, it's pronounced a-nal-ra-pist."
(Tony Hale) "It wasn't really the pronunciation that bothered me."

(David Cross) "Look, you are playing adults --"
(David Cross) "Pick that up. Pick that up, please."
(David Cross) "-- with fully formed libidos, not two young men playing grab-ass in the shower."

(David Cross) "Hey, who wants to take me to the hospital?"

(David Cross) "Come on, Lindsay. We've had some great times."

(David Cross) "Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?"

(David Cross) "Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul."

Will Arnett as Gob

(Wife of Gob) "G. O. B., I want out. I'm in love with your brother --"
(Will Arnett) "What?"
(Will Arnett) "You did it again, you son of a bitch."
(Wife of Gob) "-- In-law. Tobias. Sorry. I should have finished that thought."

(Will Arnett) "Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night."
(Ron Howard) "But he really didn't"
(Will Arnett) "Yes, I did."

(White Power Bill) "White Power."
(Will Arnett) "But I'm white."

(Will Arnett) "Brother? Hermano means brother? Well, sounds like Hermano is about to get his ass kicked."

(Will Arnett) "You drive a hard bargain, but I'm the President of the Bluth company, and I decline."
(Will Arnett) "You look surprised."
(Stan Sitwell) "Must've put 'em on wrong."

(Will Arnett) "I'm filling Dad's shoes, now, Michael. Literally. Well, the shoes didn't fit but at least I got into Dad's pants."
(Will Arnett) "And I also had to have the crotch taken up a little."

(Will Arnett) "Tell you what we're gonna do: "Rock Paper Scissors" for it."
(Jason Bateman) "No, no I'm not --"
(Will Arnett) "One, two, three. Paper covers rock."
(Jason Bateman) "It is a rock, though. Should beat everything."
(Will Arnett) "There's not a lot of logic to it. It's kind of like on a boat with "Women and children first." I mean, why should they --"

(Will Arnett) "George Michael -- Lets deal some drugs."

(Will Arnett) "Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any inter-office"
(Will Arnett) "and"
(Will Arnett) "and finger"
(Will Arnett) "and"
(Will Arnett) "or even"
(Will Arnett) ". Even though so many of us are begging for it. Oh, and if anyone lays a finger on my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll show you my"
(Will Arnett) "and I'll personally"
(Will Arnett) "."

(Will Arnett) "My gut is telling me no -- but my gut is also very hungry."

(Will Arnett) "Ok, ok, ok. So should, should, should, should, should, shhhhshsh, should, should --"
(Jason Bateman) "Well, do it your way, I'm just here to have fun."
(Will Arnett) "Not too much fun, all right? I already gave my big sexual harassment speech today."
(Will Arnett) "Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of inter-office"
(Will Arnett) "ing, or"
(Will Arnett) "ing, or finger"
(Will Arnett) ", or"
(Will Arnett) "sting, or"
(Will Arnett) "esting or"
(Will Arnett) "eing or even"
(Will Arnett) ". Even though so many people in this office are begging for it. And if anybody does anything with my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll"
(Will Arnett) ", and I'll personally"
(Will Arnett) "."

(Will Arnett) "Is that George Michael's girlfriend? What is she funny or something?"

(Lucille Austero) "Today at lunch, you were ashamed to be with me."
(Will Arnett) "No. I was ashamed to be seen with you. I like being with you."

(Will Arnett) "Then there's me. The joker. The goofball. The magician."
(Jason Bateman) "I thought you were gonna do a little fireball there."
(Will Arnett) "I was. It didn't go off."

(Will Arnett) "I'm a failure. I can't even fake the death of a stripper."

(Steve Holt) "I've made a huge mistake."
(Will Arnett) "I know the feeling. I had you. I'm your father, Steve Holt. I can't hide from it any more."
(Steve Holt) "I won't forget this -- Dad."
(Will Arnett) "I will. I will."

(Will Arnett) "And now she's stomping on my heart."
(Jason Bateman) "What's her first name? Quickly."
(Will Arnett) "Crindee."
(Jason Bateman) "Name's not Crindee, Gob."
(Will Arnett) "Ah, Saul Zetzmann. Nope. That's her lawyer. Well, she's GOT a name. And I'm gonna find out what it is. And I'm gonna make a pun on it. And that's what I'll call her. Bad example: if her name's Amy, I'll call her "Blame-y.""
(Jason Bateman) "That's a strong defense."

(Will Arnett) "The Seaward."
(Jason Bateman) "You're not getting a boat."
(Will Arnett) "One, two, three."
(Jason Bateman) "You're not gonna do it --"
(Jason Bateman) "."
(Will Arnett) "Paper covers rock."
(Jason Bateman) "Fine, but rock sinks boat."
(Jessica Walter) "Michael."
(Jason Bateman) "Just a minute mom."
(Jason Bateman) ". Get rid of the Seaward."
(Jessica Walter) "I'll leave when I'm good and ready."

(Marta) "Te Quiero."
(Will Arnett) "English, please."
(Marta) "I love you."
(Will Arnett) "Great, now I'm late."

(Will Arnett) "I'm an ideas man Michael. I think I proved that with "f*** Mountain"."

(Will Arnett) "I lost Earl Milford."
(Jason Bateman) "What?"
(Will Arnett) "I didn't know it was him. Although he was exceptionally quiet in there. You can always tell a Milford man."

(Will Arnett) "If I didn't have a live dove in my pants right now, I'd leap across the table and --"
(Will Arnett) "Ah, what the hell --"
(Jason Bateman) "I think that's just as good of a time as any to end the meeting."

(Will Arnett) "I've made a huge mistake."

(Will Arnett) "Okay, everybody come out of your offices please. The party has now started."
(Will Arnett) "Let's go -- Everybody dance now."
(Will Arnett) "Everybody dance NOW."
(Jason Bateman) "Well, I think we're off to a great start."

(Marta) "They're children. How could you do that?"
(Will Arnett) "Oh, sure, first you dump all over it, now you want to know how it's done."

Michael Cera as George Sr.

(Michael Cera) "I'm paying thousands of dollars in Krugerrands."
(Portia de Rossi) "What?"
(Michael Cera) "Gold Krugerrands. Your mother snuck them in here, stuffed them in energy bar wrappers to keep me from getting strangled in the shower or worse."
(Portia de Rossi) "Stabbed?"
(Michael Cera) "In a way. I use them to pay off the other guys to stop them from hollering obscenities at my -- my little girl. But you keep coming back here, honey, and I'm going broke."
(Portia de Rossi) "That's all I've ever wanted from you, Daddy- for you to spend money on me."

(Michael Cera) "Chanukah can be spelled so many ways. Oh God."

(Michael Cera) "What's with Steve Holt and your mom?"
(Alia Shawkat) "Oh, I gave him the impression that she was a tranny."

(Michael Cera) "Steve Holt? I thought you liked him."
(Alia Shawkat) "I do, I'm crazy about him. He only talks to her because he thinks she has a penis. Oh, I told him that she was a tranny."

(Michael Cera) "The Brits set me up. I heard nothing about Iraq."
(Jason Bateman) "Dad, we have a picture of you and Saddam Hussein."
(Michael Cera) "I thought he was the Soup Nazi. I was just congratulating him on a great job."

(Michael Cera) "Soak the puppet's mouth with ether, and have Franklin give Lucille a kiss to knock her out."
(Will Arnett) "I ain't kissin' that ol' bitch."
(Michael Cera) "That's my wife, you bastard."
(Will Arnett) "Dad, that's my wrist."
(Will Arnett) "Hey, that's his neck."

(Michael Cera) "You got my 14-year-old grandson do this?"
(Will Arnett) "Under 18 walks out clean."
(Michael Cera) "Listen, um -- there's a very strict "no touching policy" here. But, um -- oh, what the hell, it's worth a week in the hot box."
(Unnamed) "No touching."
(Michael Cera) "You stupid ass."

(Michael Cera) "Fingerprints? You said they wouldn't be taking fingerprints."
(Alia Shawkat) "No, I said don't wear your mittens."

(Michael Cera) "Are those strippers?"
(Jason Bateman) "If I know your uncle, they're at least strippers."

(Michael Cera) "Oh, my God. It's your mom and gangee."
(Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "What are they doing here?"
(Michael Cera) "They're adults. They're allowed to have fun whenever they want. We're kids, we're supposed to work."

(Michael Cera) "I have Pop Pop in the attic."
(Jason Bateman) "The mere fact that you call making love "Pop Pop" tells me that you're not ready."

(Michael Cera) "They cannot charge a husband and wife for the same crime."
(Jason Bateman) "That's not true."
(Michael Cera) "Really?"
(Jason Bateman) "Yep."
(Michael Cera) "I got the worst"
(Michael Cera) "-ing attorneys."

(Oscar) "The car."
(Michael Cera) "Up yours Granny."
(Jessica Walter) "You couldn't handle it."

(Michael Cera) "Sorry, some of my students are arguing the significance of the shankbone on the seder plate. But we do not; not wag our genitals at one another to make a point."

(George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "Monopoly. You don't have it, do you?"
(Michael Cera) "Yeah, actually."
(George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "Well, that's good, cuz this one is missing a lot of pieces."
(Michael Cera) "Uh, Uncle GOB, the twenty?"
(George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "A magician never reveals his secrets."
(Michael Cera) "I don't need the secret, I need --"
(Michael Cera) "Wow, that's so much like stealing."

(Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "It all adds up. He stole somebody's hair, made a wig, knocked out the guard, tunneled his way through a sewer line, and then stopped to get a candied apple on his way to Mexico."
(Michael Cera) "Of course."
(Michael Cera) "You're mocking me."
(Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Of course."

(Michael Cera) "Look, I just need something to read. Pop-pop gets a Grisham?"

(Michael Cera) "Hello, Bluth Company."
(Michael Cera) "Talk you off? Talk you off what, Pop-Pop?"
(Michael Cera) "Oh, George Michael. I thought you were; when's that voice gonna drop?"

(Oscar) "The car."
(Michael Cera) "Up yours Granny."
(Jessica Walter) "You couldn't handle it."

(Michael Cera) "You should have seen the face he made when; well, he's my twin brother, I'll show you."

(Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "You and I are so different. It's like we're not even related."
(Michael Cera) "That would be amazing."

(Michael Cera) "Wait a minute, I'm not Oscar, I'm George."
(Unnamed) "The Cornballer."
(Michael Cera) "Si, si, the cornballer."
(Ron Howard) "George Sr. had been marketing a device called "The Cornballer" in Mexico after the severe burns it caused led to it being banned in the U.S."

(Michael Cera) "Does Pop-pop get a treat?"
(Jason Bateman) "No, Pop-pop does not get a treat, I just brought you a f***ing pizza."

(Michael Cera) "I came to talk to you about the softball game. We need some girls on the team this year."
(Jason Bateman) "It's a league requirement."
(Ron Howard) "One that was difficult to keep, given GOB's behavior in the third inning of last year's game."
(Ron Howard) "And in the fifth."
(Ron Howard) "Oh, and before the game."
(Jason Bateman) "We lost our entire outfield and a couple of court cases."

(Michael Cera) "We're out of milk. I could have got it earlier if someone would have left a note."
(Michael Cera) "Why? If someone had left a note, this innocent man would still have his arm. Why?"
(J. Walter Weatherman) "And that's why you always leave a note."

(George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "Dad's going to be crushed."
(Michael Cera) "You don't have to tell him."

(Michael Cera) "Say what you want about America, thirteen bucks still gets you a hell of a lot of mice."

(Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Do you remember that French film we snuck into? Dangerous Cousins?"
(Michael Cera) "No, actually, I dont remember it."
(Ron Howard) "In fact, George Michael knew the movie very well. He currently had a copy of the DVD hidden in his sock drawer."

(Michael Cera) "What is this is they have on me? You keep talking about a fact. You keep saying "I know for a fact." What fact?"
(Cindi Lightballoon) "Faith. I have faith my prayers will free you."
(Michael Cera) "Faith is not a fact."
(Cindi Lightballoon) "Oh, yes it is. You said so yourself in Caged Wisdom."
(Ron Howard) "George, Sr. had said faith is a fact. Unfortunately, it was in the Caged Wisdom blooper bonus footage."
(Michael Cera) "Faith is a fact. No, faith is a facet. I almost said faith is a fact."
(Michael Cera) "I am going to trial because you don't understand what a blooper reel is?"

(Michael Cera) "I'll be bringing you some salmon rolls real soon."
(Michael Cera) "How many times I gotta tell this kid chicken wings?"

(Michael Cera) "I don't want to let down Miss Baerly. She's nice, you know?"
(Portia de Rossi) "She's interesting -- and pretty?"
(Michael Cera) "Well, I don't know why I'm telling you this. I guess there's just some things you can't always say to your dad."
(Portia de Rossi) "Ah. sounds like you'd like her to be more than just your teacher."
(Ron Howard) "Lindsay believed that George Michael wanted to fix up his father so he could fill the role of his mother."
(Portia de Rossi) "There's nothing wrong with that. Although -- I must say I'm a little hurt that you haven't considered me."
(Michael Cera) "You're my aunt."
(Portia de Rossi) "That doesn't matter. Aunts can fill that role. Teachers can fill that role. And, someday, you're going to find the right woman to fill that role. But until then -- I'll be right across the hall."
(Ron Howard) "Lindsay had never been more proud of anything she had said in her entire life."
(Michael Cera) "Yikes."

Jessica Walter as Lucille

(Jessica Walter) "The company is in danger."
(Jason Bateman) "What tipped you off? The falling profit margins or the fact that we're a regular feature on Bill O'Reilly's most ridiculous item of the day?"

(Barry Zuckerkorn) "It would help if you all showed up, looking like a loving, supportive family."
(Jessica Walter) "For how long?"
(Barry Zuckerkorn) "Ten minutes tops."
(Jessica Walter) "See if you can get it down to five."

(Jessica Walter) "I heard about the banana stand and now there's been a break-in. But I have a surprise for whoever it is if he comes back."
(Jessica Walter) "First I blow him, then I poke him."
(Jason Bateman) "Guy has no idea what he's in for."

(Jessica Walter) "I'm going to Annyong's soccer awards ceremony, and --"
(Annyong) "Annyong."
(Jessica Walter) "-- and I don't need the other soccer moms knowing how old my first batch of kids are."
(Will Arnett) "Yeah, I think that they're gonna know that Annyong's not --"
(Annyong) "Annyong."
(Will Arnett) "-- would somebody please tell this insufferable child to -- GOD."

(Jessica Walter) "The media has him out to be some sort of mastermind, which believe me he's not. The man can barely work our shredder."

(Jessica Walter) "You'd think a man locked up in prison would able to abstain. Your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn't breast feed any of you kids because of that man."
(Barry Zuckerkorn) "They still look fabulous."

(Jessica Walter) "Oscar says that this walk, "Recharges his chi." I call it, "An excuse for him to score more pot and wave his ass at the co-eds"."

(Unnamed) "Plate or platter?"
(Jessica Walter) "I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it."

(Jessica Walter) "And yet you're too busy to polish the candlesticks? You're fired."
(Tony Hale) "You can't fire me, I'm your son. I'm firing you."
(Jessica Walter) "I was firing Lupe."
(Tony Hale) "O-oh, that makes more sense."

(Jessica Walter) "You're high."
(Oscar) "You're drunk."

(Jessica Walter) "Guess who's coming to dinner?"

(Jessica Walter) "You idiots. If your father sees me here with Wayne --"
(Jason Bateman) "-- we'll be stuck with Barry."
(Wayne Jarvis) "I shall hide behind that garbage car."
(Jason Bateman) "Guy's a pro."

(Jessica Walter) "She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know how little I care for GOB."
(Jason Bateman) "I think that makes the joke on GOB."

(Jessica Walter) "Buster. Thank God you're back. There's no shame in being a coward."
(Tony Hale) "A coward? I'm not a coward. Would I coward have THIS?"
(Jessica Walter) "What the hell is that?"
(Tony Hale) "These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship and the gorilla is for sand racing."

(Jessica Walter) "Start the bidding at $10,000. If the bidding increases, shout out something like "I get her 364 days a year for free."."
(Jason Bateman) "I'm not going to say that."

(Jessica Walter) "I bought it using the new unfrozen stock as soon as I received the memo."
(Jason Bateman) "You mean, the memo that specifically told you not to sell?"
(Jessica Walter) "Did it say that? I stopped after "unfrozen.""

(Jessica Walter) "I don't want to leave Buster alone with all the J-U-I-C-E."
(Tony Hale) "I can spell, Mother; you spelled juice."
(Jessica Walter) "What a genius. Let's see you find it."

(Jessica Walter) "Michael Moore confronted me on national television."
(Jason Bateman) "First of all, that was not Michael Moore. That was a Michael Moore look-alike. And second it wasn't national television. It was for a bit, on Jimmy Kimmel Live."
(Jessica Walter) "I don't know what that is nor do I care to find out."

(Jessica Walter) "Oh, George, I should have never doubted you. Even when you slept with my sister it was for a good reason."
(Michael Cera) "Got her to stop drinking, didn't it?"

(Jessica Walter) "I'll be in the hospital bar."
(Jason Bateman) "Uhh, you know, there isn't a hospital bar, mother."
(Jessica Walter) "Well, this is why people hate hospitals."

(Jessica Walter) "They're just heels, honey. They can only support so much weight."

(Jessica Walter) "You tricked me."
(Jason Bateman) "I deceived you. "Tricked" makes it sound like we have a playful relationship."

(Jessica Walter) "If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally."
(Jessica Walter) "I don't care for Gob."

(Jessica Walter) "What's a Forget-Me-Now?"
(Will Arnett) "They're pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give 'em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It's a mainstay of the magician's toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether."
(David Cross) "Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie."
(Jessica Walter) "Those are illegal."
(Will Arnett) "Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these."

(Jessica Walter) "Oh, for God's sake. He's out of the house for two days and he joins a gang."

(Jessica Walter) "Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched I'd eat the inside of your ear."

(Jessica Walter) "Did that Mexican girlfriend of yours kick you out?"
(Will Arnett) "She's not " that Mexican," Mom, she's " my Mexican." And she's Colombian or something."

Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth

(Jason Bateman) "So, how'd you make the yacht disappear?"
(Will Arnett) "Michael, a magician never reveals;"
(Will Arnett) "- I sunk it. At least I think I sunk it. I mean, I blew it up and I don't see it anywhere."

(Jason Bateman) "The only thing I found in the refrigerator was a dead dove in a bag."
(Will Arnett) "You didnt eat that dove, did you? I only have 6 days to return it."

(Jason Bateman) "Okay, is there a carbon monoxide leak in this house?"

(Jason Bateman) "Her?"

(Jason Bateman) "Gob, was that your trick?"
(Will Arnett) "No, Michael, that's not my trick."
(Ron Howard) "On the next Arrested Development:"
(Will Arnett) "It's my illusion."

(Jason Bateman) "Why haven't you talked to my brother, the new President of the company?"
(Wayne Jarvis) "We did earlier. He claims to know nothing."
(Jason Bateman) "Well, that's not an act. He twice tried to heat up a Ding-Dong in a microwave while it was still in its tinfoil."
(Wayne Jarvis) "Twice?"
(Jason Bateman) "Two times."

(Jason Bateman) "You want to be in charge?"
(Will Arnett) "Yeah."
(Jason Bateman) "You want to deal with what I deal with? A sister who takes your money and throws it away. A mother who you can't trust. A company whose founder may be on trial for treason. Is that what you want?"
(Will Arnett) "What kind of vacation time does it offer?"

(Jason Bateman) "I need you to do something to my mom that I cannot do. Maybe some Afternoon Delight."
(Oscar) "Ah. Now the question is, how do I get it in her?"
(Ron Howard) "Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannibus called "Afternoon Delight". It was known for the ability to slow down reflexes."
(Jason Bateman) "I don't want any details --"
(Oscar) "Maybe I'll put it in her brownie --"
(Jason Bateman) "Hey."

(Jason Bateman) "You know, GOB, you might want to start acting like the President. You're beginning to alienate some of the employees."
(Will Arnett) "Yeah, like the CEO has to worry about alienating the employees."
(Ron Howard) "In fact, GOB had started to alienate some of the employees."
(Will Arnett) "The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. Come on."
(Will Arnett) "Yeah, the guy wearing the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. Come on."
(Will Arnett) "Yeah, like I'm going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit. Come on."

(Jason Bateman) "Clear as the Ann on plain's face."

(Jason Bateman) "Did that oven vent hit you? Your foot is bleeding."
(Portia de Rossi) "Oh, my God. My foot is bleeding."
(Ron Howard) "Teamocil may cause numbness of the extremities."
(Jason Bateman) "Don't forget. We're going to need you for the softball team tomorrow."
(Portia de Rossi) "Of course. Why do you think I'm taking Teamocil?"
(Jason Bateman) "To curb your sex drive."
(Portia de Rossi) "Oh, yeah. What team are you talking about?"
(Ron Howard) "It may also cause short-term memory loss."

(Jason Bateman) "What's the matter with you? Didn't you bag some woman you're never going to see again?"
(Will Arnett) "Well, I broke a couple of my own rules. She knows I'm Gob Bluth, and -- we got married, and --"

(Jason Bateman) "I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it."
(Jessica Walter) "You would do that to your brother?"
(Jason Bateman) "I said "cot"."

(Jason Bateman) "I'm moving to Phoenix. I got a job."
(Jason Bateman) "Something you apply for and they pay you to -- Never mind, I don't want to ruin the surprise."

(Jason Bateman) "Gob, I'm going to need you to sneak Mom out of rehab."
(Will Arnett) "Gee, I didn't think the woman I'd be checking out at Spring Break would be Mom."
(Tony Hale) "She's better than the whores you date."
(Will Arnett) "Don't call my escorts whores."
(Tony Hale) "Mom's still got it."
(Will Arnett) "I don't date whores."
(Portia de Rossi) "Stop it, both of you. This objectification of women has got to stop."
(Jason Bateman) "It's just Mom and whores."

(Jason Bateman) "Gob, Ms. Whitehead was the civics teacher. We both had her."
(Will Arnett) "Yes we did, and now we're even."

(Jason Bateman) "That's why people don't typically cook in these things or install them in attics. Besides, you made me look very foolish in front of Sally Sitwell."
(Michael Cera) "Did you stick it to her?"
(Jason Bateman) "No. You screwed that up just like you screwed up this hot tub."

(Jason Bateman) "I'm sure Egg is a great person."
(Michael Cera) "It's -- it's Ann."

(Jason Bateman) "Save it for the talk room, son."

(Jason Bateman) "You know, I'm in pretty good shape, Buster. You could be eating my dust all day."
(Ron Howard) "Buster was starting to give as good as he received."
(Tony Hale) "Yeah, and you could be eating"
(Tony Hale) "that's gonna"
(Tony Hale) "."
(Jason Bateman) "Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that."

(Jason Bateman) "That cousin of yours is a smart girl -- Its too bad you can't date her."
(Michael Cera) "No, I was talk -- You mean, you wouldn't have a problem with that?"
(Michael Cera) "-- Nothing."

(Kitty) "The program has changed my life. And I have a sponsor now."
(Kitty) "He's famous."
(Jason Bateman) "That's great."
(Kitty) "I can't tell you who he is, but let's just say -- that he was on -- "Night Court.""
(Jason Bateman) "Well, you look great --"
(Kitty) "-- I can tell you who it's NOT. It's not Bull. It's not Harry Anderson."
(Jason Bateman) "I got it --"
(Kitty) "-- and he's white."
(Jason Bateman) "I know who it is."

(Barry Zuckerkorn) "So basically you're about 2,000 shares short of being the majority stock holders. Now unfortunately it's a private stock so you can not just buy up the shares unless someone is willing to sell"
(Jason Bateman) "Are you sure?"
(Barry Zuckerkorn) "That's what it said on 'Ask Jeeves'"

(Jason Bateman) "What do you think of when you hear the name, "Sudden Valley"?"
(Michael Cera) "Salad dressing. But for some reason, I don't want to eat it."
(Jason Bateman) "What about, "Paradise Gardens"?"
(Michael Cera) "Yeah -- I can see marinating a chicken from that."

(George Bluth, Sr.) "Michael, this is my brother. Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you?"
(Jason Bateman) "Just one? No. No idea. It sounds wonderful, though."

(Jason Bateman) "Look, you can't risk leaving the attic any more."
(Michael Cera) "When have you seen me outside?"
(Jason Bateman) "Yesterday at the Ford Dealer."
(Michael Cera) "Yeah, well, have you seen those new Mustangs? I'm telling you; you could hump the hood."

(Jason Bateman) "Where's Tobias?"
(Ron Howard) "Tobias had intended to come to the magic show, but had a slight miscommunication with his cab driver."
(David Cross) "I would like to go to the Gothic Castle."
(Cab Driver) "Gothic asshole?"
(David Cross) "Yes."
(David Cross) "Boy, I am glad I didn't go with that outfit."
(David Cross) "I am here to see the magic."

(Jason Bateman) "Where did you get that outfit?"
(Portia de Rossi) "Mom gave it to me. I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing."
(Jason Bateman) "Only two of those words describe mom, so I know you're lying to me."
(Portia de Rossi) "Okay fine. I bought it before we went broke. I just haven't worn it until now."
(Jason Bateman) "Uh huh. And the outfit yesterday?"
(Portia de Rossi) "Old Thing gave it to me."

(Jason Bateman) "Why are you squeezing me with your body?"
(Jessica Walter) "It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you."

(Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?"
(Jason Bateman) "That's a cross."
(Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Across from where?"

(Annyong) "Okay, Mom want someone to come with her to my soccer game. She don't want other soccer moms think she single. She old school."
(Jason Bateman) "I liked it better when he just said Annyong."

(Jason Bateman) "I burned it. Down to the ground."
(Michael Cera) "There was money in that banana stand."
(Jason Bateman) "Well, it's all gone now."
(Michael Cera) "There was $250,000 lining the inside walls of the banana stand."
(Jason Bateman) "What?"
(Michael Cera) "Cash, Michael. What the hell did you think I meant when I said --"
(Michael Cera) "There is money -- in -- the banana stand."
(Unnamed) "No Touching."
(Michael Cera) "No touching."
(Unnamed) "No touching."

(Jason Bateman) "My mom is very stressed out, and she needs something I can't give her, um -- maybe a little "afternoon delight"."
(Ron Howard) "Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannabis named Afternoon Deelite, a strain famous for slowing behavior."
(Oscar) "Well sure, my question is, which way do I try to get it in her?"
(Jason Bateman) "I don't need any details."
(Oscar) "Maybe I'll put it in her brownie"
(Jason Bateman) "Hey."

(Jason Bateman) "Tell me the truth. There's been a lot of lying in this family"
(Jessica Walter) "And a lot of love."
(Jason Bateman) "More lies."

(Jason Bateman) "This is going to be our best summer ever."
(Jason Bateman) "You mailed that insurance check, right, GOB?"

(Jason Bateman) "It's the carpenter who blames his shoddy;"
(Jason Bateman) "stupid corballin' piece of"
(Jason Bateman) "."

(Jason Bateman) "I really think the reason you and I always fight is that, since we were little, Dad's always played us off each other."
(Will Arnett) "Dad always said that was your fault."

(Jason Bateman) "They're going to keep Dad in jail until this whole thing gets sorted out."
(Jason Bateman) "Also, I've been told that the company's expense accounts have been frozen --"
(Jason Bateman) "-- Interesting. I would have expected that after "They're keeping Dad in jail.""

(Jason Bateman) "G. O. B., you've found a woman who believes in you. You should make a commitment to her because life is short. Listen to me. I would give anything to be able to have that again, you know? A family. Nothing else matters."
(Jessica Walter) "Michael?"
(Jason Bateman) "It's Mom. Hide."
(Will Arnett) "You brought up money earlier. I actually would like to borrow some."
(Jason Bateman) "No."
(Jessica Walter) "Michael?"
(Will Arnett) "He's in here, Mom."
(Jason Bateman) "Come on."

(Jason Bateman) "I think George Michael is hiding Ann in the attic."
(Portia de Rossi) "From the Nazis?"

(Jason Bateman) "We're not here to talk nonsense to Bob Loblaw."

(Jason Bateman) "There's more to life than strippers and booze and buckets of blood. Why do you guys have buckets of blood?"
(Will Arnett) "It's not real blood. It's corn syrup and red dye -- juice."
(Tony Hale) "There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook."

(Jason Bateman) "I thought I got rid of GOB, but Dad puts him right back in the business."
(Portia de Rossi) "You two have always fought. In fact, I think I have a video of that."
(Jason Bateman) "You and half of Orange County."
(Ron Howard) "As children, George Sr. would often provoke the boys to fight each other. He thought it would equip them for the challenges of life. He also believed that footage of the boys fighting would be a big hit in the burgeoning home-video market. He soon franchised the concept with such titles as "Boyfights 2", "A Boyfights Cookout", and "Backseat Boyfights: The Trip To Uncle Jack's 70"."

(Jason Bateman) "Hi, there."
(Will Arnett) "What's she doing here?"
(Alia Shawkat) "Merry Christmas to you too, Uncle Gob."
(Jason Bateman) "Is everything okay?"
(Will Arnett) "I just don't want people's kids getting their sticky little fingers all over these $2,600 pants."
(Jason Bateman) "You think they're going to go right for the pants?"

(Jason Bateman) "One of those British guys came up to me and told me to back off. I can't believe it, but Dad may have been telling the truth. This may be dangerous."
(Will Arnett) "So you came back here to hide like a child."
(Jason Bateman) "What are you doing locked in my office, exactly?"
(Will Arnett) "Hiding from a child. Big difference."
(Jason Bateman) "Gob, Steve Holt is your son. He probably just feels a connection."
(Will Arnett) "He doesn't know what he feels. I'm tired of being told; my God. What is this feeling?"
(Jason Bateman) "You know, the feeling that you're feeling is just what many of us call -- a "feeling"."
(Will Arnett) "It's not like envy, or even hungry."
(Jason Bateman) "Could it be love?"
(Will Arnett) "I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite; it's like my heart is getting hard."
(Will Arnett) "Maybe I am ready to be a father."

(Jason Bateman) "If this information was so damaging, why didn't you just shred it?"
(Michael Cera) "Well, Saddam owed us money."
(Jason Bateman) "And you didn't realize that he wouldn't pay?"
(Michael Cera) "Your mom had a good feeling about him."

(Jason Bateman) "Oh sure, Lindsay. You're a much better parent; no borders, no limits, oh go ahead, touch the Cornballer --"

(Jason Bateman) "To Buster and Lucille --"
(Tony Hale) "Don't forget my girlfriend."
(Jason Bateman) "That's who I meant."

Portia de Rossi as Lindsay Funke

(Portia de Rossi) "I think George Michael needs a mother."
(Jason Bateman) "Well, he's got you, he's got mom, you think that would turn him off the concept entirely."

(Portia de Rossi) "I've always been passionate about the separation of church and state."
(Jason Bateman) "Oh, really? What are you going to do with them?"
(Portia de Rossi) "I don't know. Give 'em to a school."

(Portia de Rossi) "That was supposed to be for me. She was my au pair. I'm the one who cleared my throat and pointed to the laundry room. Ma. You know I wanted that."
(Jessica Walter) "I know. But it's an elephant and I didn't want to invite the comparison."

(Portia de Rossi) "I hate to say it, but Michael might be right. You need to learn a little discipline."
(Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Hmm. Nope. That doesn't feel right."
(Portia de Rossi) "No, no, no. I am telling you. You are now punished. I punish thee."
(Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Are you serious? What could you possibly come up with that would punish me?"
(Portia de Rossi) "Oh, I have to come up with another thing?"

(Portia de Rossi) "Oh, are we still talking about the tapes? I was talking about my marriage. As you know, Bob Loblaw and I have had a secret little thing going."
(Jason Bateman) "Real secret. In fact, he doesn't even know about it."
(Portia de Rossi) "Last night, he finally responded to one of my subtle hints."
(Portia de Rossi) "Why wont you f*** me?"
(Bob Loblaw) "I'll be honest. You're a nice girl but you dress like a common whore. And besides, I just can't go out with a client."

(Portia de Rossi) "Hey, I could've sworn I just saw Dad -- Or not. I think hallucinations are a side effect of Teamocil."
(Ron Howard) "They aren't."

(Dave Attell) "Wow, the service sent you over quick."
(Portia de Rossi) "Oh I'm sorry."
(Portia de Rossi) "You dont cry when you take those off?"

(Portia de Rossi) "GOB doesnt do anything for the family."
(Will Arnett) "Hey, I'm f***ing Lucille 2."
(Portia de Rossi) "Or I could do something like that."

(Portia de Rossi) "I'm going to go see if I cant get a wrench to strip my nuts."
(Portia de Rossi) "I thought it sounded sexy."

(Portia de Rossi) "Barry, did you talk to a doctor?"
(Barry Zuckerkorn) "I did. I have poison oak. Do you believe it? How the hell did I get that?"
(Jessica Walter) "She was talking about George."
(Barry Zuckerkorn) "Oh, he's the same. Look, I guess we should decide on who's going to speak for the family. I would, but I have Laker tickets."

(Portia de Rossi) "You'll never be able to pull this off, Michael. You're the good guy. This isnt you."
(Jason Bateman) "It's me now, Lindsay. It's the me that can recline."
(Portia de Rossi) "Did that hurt?"
(Jason Bateman) "No."

(Portia de Rossi) "I'm saying every time something starts to go well for you, you blow it."
(David Cross) "Nothing has ever gone well for me, and you know that."
(Portia de Rossi) "That's my point, you --"
(Portia de Rossi) "-- handsome cowboy, you."
(David Cross) "Oh, great. And now you're mocking me. You selfish coun-"
(David Cross) "-- try music loving lady. Hello, Maeby."

(Portia de Rossi) ""Lindsay's a combative, entitled princess"? I should hire someone to kick your ass for that."

(Portia de Rossi) "Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough."
(Jessica Walter) "Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want the belt to buckle, not your chair."
(Jessica Walter) "You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it."
(Portia de Rossi) "That's funny, 'cause I was gonna say "You might wanna lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol.""
(Jessica Walter) "Mine was better."

(Portia de Rossi) "I think it's frightening when it's cut off. It's like a Doberman; let it have its ears."

(Portia de Rossi) "Michael, if this is a lecture on how we're all supposed to whatever and blah-blah-blah, well, you can save it, because we all know it by heart."

(Portia de Rossi) "What was all that about?"
(Jason Bateman) "I think Buster's planning to flee to Mexico."

(Portia de Rossi) "Let's just go, I've suddenly lost my appetite."
(Jessica Walter) "Oh, who's gonna believe that?"

(Portia de Rossi) "Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good Time Family Band solution was a nightmare."
(Jason Bateman) "Tobias said it was some of the most fun your family has ever had."
(Portia de Rossi) "Yeah, well, I was whacked on Xanotab."
(Jason Bateman) "Well I thought Xanotab was supposed to make everything better."
(Portia de Rossi) "For fifteen minutes. Then it burns when you pee and your marriage goes to hell. It's not a good supplement. Besides, Maebe wont do it."
(Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Let's do it. I want to reunite the band. That was some of the best times we've ever had."

(Portia de Rossi) "-- like the stress you put on George Michael, even when he gets an A."
(Jason Bateman) "Minus, and he knows an A gets him ice cream."

(Portia de Rossi) "Oh. Because you're too afraid to ask Sally Sitwell to go with you."
(Jason Bateman) "That's not true. That's not true at all."
(Portia de Rossi) "Chaw-chee-chaw-chee."
(Jason Bateman) "What is that? Is that a chicken?"
(George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "What's this?"
(Portia de Rossi) "Michael is scared to ask out Sally."
(Jason Bateman) "No, I'm not."
(George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "This is priceless."
(George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "Caw-ca-caw-ca-ca-caw."
(Jason Bateman) "Oh, come on. Those aren't even birds."

(Portia de Rossi) "Nana's fine, she's been dead for six months."

Ron Howard as Narrator

(Ron Howard) "George Sr. had always done the ribbon-cutting ceremony, even for the Orange County Prison, which he built, and later, ironically, would occupy."

(Ron Howard) "What Dave Attell was trying to portray was the fact that Tobias was never able to be completely naked, but it was lost on the audience due to the narrator's shoddy delivery."

(Ron Howard) "Gob was recently hired by the Bluth Company's rival, Sitwell Enterprises. And although he started off well --"
(Will Arnett) "52% of the country is single. That's a market that's been dominated by apartment rentals. Let's take some of that market. I call it "Single City.""
(Ron Howard) "-- his ideas failed to evolve."
(Will Arnett) "It's, like, "Hey, you want to go down to the whirlpool?" "Yeah, I don't have a husband." I call it "Swing City.""
(Stan Sitwell) "Let's get into some new areas, if you don't mind."
(Ron Howard) "But Gob continued to fine-tune his first one."
(Will Arnett) "How do we filter out the teases? We don't let them in."
(Will Arnett) "This goes for the guys, too. Because sometimes the guys are tapped out. But check your lease, man. Because you're living in"
(Will Arnett) "City."
(Stan Sitwell) "You're fired."

(Barry Zuckerkorn) "Those are the pictures?"
(Wayne Jarvis) "They're all over the news."
(Barry Zuckerkorn) "Those are balls."
(Wayne Jarvis) "What?"
(Ron Howard) "Barry was right. Tobias had inadvertently photographed himself in the bathtub while trying to figure out his new cell phone."

(Ron Howard) "Tobias went to a tryout for the Blue Man Group hoping to be seen."
(Ron Howard) "Unfortunately, it was dusk, and he wasn't seen."

(Ron Howard) "Each year, Oscar attempts the four hundred mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California. In the twelve years that he's attempted this, he's never made it farther than UC Irvine."

(Ron Howard) "Tobias was a never nude, which is exactly what it sounds like."

(Ron Howard) "And they think the stupidest things are funny."
(Jason Bateman) "Yeah, that's a cultural problem is what it is. You know, your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development."
(Ron Howard) "Hey. That's the name of the show."

(Ron Howard) "But I want to get married and have sexual relations like you promised."

(Ron Howard) "George Michael was getting ready for school when he came across a box of love letters he'd written, but never sent, to his cousin Maeby. One letter, titled "If you weren't my cousin," was particularly incriminating."

(Ron Howard) "Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It's Arrested Development."

(Ron Howard) "And back at the penthouse, Lucille was praying for the second time in her life."
(Jessica Walter) "Lord, let Buster forget everything. And if you need to take another hand to make that happen, please make it G.O.B.'s."

(Ron Howard) "Gob, getting the feeling he could not return a completely frozen dead dove to a pet store and get the full refund the felt he was entitled to, decided to join him."

(Ron Howard) "After being arrested, George Sr. found a loophole in the Mexican judicial system --"
(Michael Cera) "I have --"
(Michael Cera) "-- I have money"

(Ron Howard) "Tobias had recently auditioned for a role as a member of the silent performance trio, the Blue Man Group."
(David Cross) "And this is "Kids", from "Bye, Bye, Birdie"."
(Ron Howard) "He had yet to hear back from them."

(Ron Howard) "Michael was concerned that he was caught in a lie about his family. The family was concerned that they were being confronted by a woman they had clubbed, drugged, and left on a bench."

(Ron Howard) "So the speech was disturbing, the food was inedible, and the gift bags pretty frightening. And when GOB found out that he wasnt going to get any tips, the service got worse. Oh and that old racist woman choked on Buster's thumb. All in all it was one of the Bluth's better parties."

(Ron Howard) "In an effort to "hip" up his act, Gob had briefly introduced a puppet."
(Will Arnett) "Can I tell you something, my man?"
(Will Arnett) "Sure, Franklin."
(Will Arnett) "You are one cool"
(Will Arnett) ". Speaking of mothers, let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar."
(Michael Cera) "Get off my wife, you bastard."
(Will Arnett) "What's the matter with you?"
(Will Arnett) "Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear."
(Jason Bateman) "Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?"
(Will Arnett) "He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either."

(Ron Howard) "George Michael did not just get to second base with Maeby, he dove in head first. Like Pete Rose."

(Ron Howard) "On the next Arrested Development, Barry receives a sign from God."
(Barry Zuckerkorn) "I will obey your will, I will lead a good life."
(Barry Zuckerkorn) "Well, to hell with this then."

(Ron Howard) "While on the set of Wrench, Tobias had snuck into the costume closet and disguised himself as an English nanny in an attempt to see his daughter and prove to his wife he had what it took to become a successful actor. It was the exact same plot as Mrs. Doubtfire --"
(David Cross) "Why, hellooo. My name is Mrs. Phlyddia Featherbottom, the agency sent me over."
(Portia de Rossi) "Uh -- I didn't contact any agency."
(David Cross) "But I can cook and clean and even take care of the little ones. In fact, if it comes in handy -- I can sing a song or two --"
(Ron Howard) "And maybe a little Mary Poppins to throw in the mix --"
(David Cross) "A squirt of frosting down the throat helps to take your medication / In the most delicious way --"

(Ron Howard) "Michael was having brunch with Sally Sitwell at a restaurant called Skip Church's Bistro. In addition to brunch, the restaurant was known for an item on the menu called the "Skip's Scramble", an omelet that contained everything on the menu. Do not order the Skip's Scramble."

Alia Shawkat as Maebe

(Alia Shawkat) "Steve Holt."

(Alia Shawkat) "So, you killed Kitty, huh?"
(Jason Bateman) "No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer's questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide."
(Jason Bateman) "And apparently, a fun one. Why don't we go see what's going on in the back, shall we?"
(Alia Shawkat) "Were those the last words Kitty ever heard?"

(Alia Shawkat) "No more BS. No more BS."

(Steve Holt) "Your mom seems pretty cool."
(Alia Shawkat) "That's not my mom."
(Steve Holt) "-- but she said you were her daughter."
(Alia Shawkat) "His daughter. It's my dad."
(Steve Holt) "That's a dude?"
(Alia Shawkat) "And the worst part is? He thinks he's passing."

(Alia Shawkat) "That was a freebie."

(Steve Holt) "STEVE HOLT."
(Alia Shawkat) "STEVE HOLT."
(Michael Cera) "I'm a stand-in for --"
(Steve Holt) "STEVE HOLT."

(Alia Shawkat) "All Pop-Pop ever wanted was to see you with another man besides Daddy."
(Portia de Rossi) "You're right. I'll just throw on a skirt, take off my underwear and make your Pop-Pop proud."

Tony Hale as Buster

(Tony Hale) "It-it's for my girlfriend. She's sick."
(Will Arnett) "Why don't you just wait it out? She's gonna be gone soon."
(Tony Hale) "Oh, that's it."
(Tony Hale) "Why are YOU hitting yourself? Why are YOU hitting yourself? Why are YOU hitting yourself?"

(Tony Hale) "No mother, I can blow myself. You've interfered for the last time."

(Tony Hale) "Oh my god -- Oh my god -- I killed Michael --"

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