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Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy Quotes

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy ended its run in 1970.

It features Judd Apatow as producer, Alex Wurman in charge of musical score, and Thomas E. Ackerman as head of cinematography.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy is 94 minutes long. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy is distributed by DreamWorks.

The cast includes: Christina Applegate as Veronica Corningstone, Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy, Paul Rudd as Brian Fantana, David Koechner as Champ Kind, Steve Carell as Brick Tamland, Fred Willard as Ed Harken, Chris Parnell as Garth Holliday, Fred Willard as Bear, Vince Vaughn as Wes Mantooth, Paul Rudd as Ian, Luke Wilson as Frank Vitchard, and Fred Armisen as Tino.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy Quotes

Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy

  • (Will Ferrell) "For just one night let's not be Co-workers. Let's be Co-people."
  • (Will Ferrell) "This is your doctor. I have your pregnancy report here, and guess what. You got knocked up."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You stay classy, San Diego."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?"
  • (Paul Rudd) "Brian Fantana."
  • (David Koechner) "Champ Kind."
  • (Steve Carell) "Brian Fantana."
  • (Paul Rudd) "No, you're Brick."
  • (Steve Carell) "Brian."
  • (Paul Rudd) "I'm Brian."
  • (Steve Carell) "Veronica."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Really."
  • (Will Ferrell) "People know me."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Well, I'm very happy for you."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."
  • (Will Ferrell) "It's so damn hot -- milk was a bad choice."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Brick, My sweet Brick. Brick, come hug me. I know you want to."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Hit 'em in the uvula."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I don't normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breath-taking -- heiney. I mean, that thing's good. I wanna be friends with it."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I -- I wanna be on you."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight / Gonna grab some afternoon delight / My motto's always been, "When it's right, it's right" / Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?"
  • (Steve Carell) "When everything's a little clearer in the light of day / And we know the night is always gonna be there anyway."
  • (Steve Carell) "Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite / Looking forward to a little afternoon delight / Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite / And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting."
  • (Steve Carell) "Sky rockets in flight / Afternoon delight."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You guys have it, I think."
  • (Steve Carell) "Afternoon delight."
  • (David Koechner) "I don't know Ron, That sounds kinda crazy."
  • (Paul Rudd) "Sounds like you have mental problems, man."
  • (Steve Carell) "Yeah you got mental problems, man."
  • (Paul Rudd) "Yeah, he really does."
  • (Steve Carell) "Man."
  • (Steve Carell) "Afternoon delight."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I immediately regret this decision."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Ribs. I had ribs for lunch, that's why I'm doing this."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Hello? Who's there, I'm talkin'? Hello? Who is this? Baxter -- is that you? Baxter. Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee -- Is this Wilt Chamberlain? Have the courage to say something. Hello?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Look, the most glorious rainbow ever."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Oh. Do me on it."
  • (Will Ferrell) "The arsonist has oddly-shaped feet."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?"
  • (Fred Willard) "Dammit. Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Unique New York."
  • (Will Ferrell) "The human torch was denied a bank loan."
  • (Will Ferrell) "1001 -- 1002 -- 1003 --"
  • (Christina Applegate) "Uh, Mr. Burgundy? Helen said that you needed to see me."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Oh, Miss Corningstone. I wasn't expecting company. Just doing my workout. Tuesday's arms and back."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Well, you asked me to come by, sir."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Oh, did I?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "Yes."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Ohh, it's the deep burn. Oh, it's so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand."
  • (Will Ferrell) "This is Ron Burgundy, proudly reporting once again for Channel 4 News. Today's story is one of the more remarkable things ever to happen to San Diego or even the world. But in order to properly retell it, I'm going to need some help from my co-anchor, Miss Veronica Corningstone."
  • (Steve Carell) "High Pressure systems -- High pressure systems --"
  • (Will Ferrell) "No, no, no, no, Brick."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You're a real hooker. I'm gonna slap you in public."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Come get a taste."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Let's go over the groundrules. Rule number 1: No touching of the hair or face -- AND THAT'S IT."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Boy, that escalated quickly -- I mean, that really got out of hand fast."
  • (David Koechner) "It jumped up a notch."
  • (Will Ferrell) "It did, didn't it?"
  • (Steve Carell) "Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?"
  • (Steve Carell) "Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Good night, I'm Ron Burgundy. Go f*** yourself San Diego."
  • (Fred Willard) "What in the name of? No."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Sharp broadcast all of you. Great show, especially from you on the floor. A lot of hustle. I liked that."
  • (Fred Willard) "Ron, I've got to fire you."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Ed, I've got to fire you."
  • (Fred Willard) "Do you even know what you just said?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Great Odin's raven. Veronica, she put that in the teleprompter."
  • (Fred Willard) "You're probably right, but I've got to fire you."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Great Odin's raven."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, and now we are in love."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Did I say that loud?"
  • (Paul Rudd) "Yeah, you pretty much yelled it."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Go easy on her, guys, she has feelings too, you know."
  • (Paul Rudd) "Listen to Burgundy, he sounds like some school-boy bitch."
  • (David Koechner) "You sound like a gay."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Hey, this is me; Papa Burgundy. As far as I'm concerned Corningstone's fair game. Let the games begin. Wey-ho. Wey-ho."
  • (Paul Rudd) "There he is, there he is -- I'm very aroused"
  • (Will Ferrell) "I freakin' love you."
  • (Christina Applegate) "I freakin' love you back."
  • (Will Ferrell) "By the beard of Zeus."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Hey, Aqualung."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You dirtbags have been in third place for five years."
  • (Luke Wilson) "Oh yeah? Well, you're about to be in -- dead place."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm storming your castle on my steed, m'lady."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Do you guys really want to know what love is?"
  • (Steve Carell) "More than anything in the world, Ron."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Let's dance, dickweed."
  • (Vince Vaughn) "You wanna dance, Burgundy?"
  • (Vince Vaughn) "I wanna polka."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Uh-oh. She pointed to her boobies."
  • (Will Ferrell) "A La Jolla man clings to life at a University Hospital after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs in an abandoned pool."
  • (Will Ferrell) "-- Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon deliiiight -- Ahh -- I make fart-noises with my mouth, and I like it cause --"
  • (Bartender) "Hey nutjob, quit the singing. You creeping out all the regulars."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm expressing my inner anguish THROUGH THE MAJESTY OF SONG."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Don't you know I would never say f***. f***."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You know I don't speak Spanish."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina."
  • (Christina Applegate) "No, there's no way that's correct."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "No. No."
  • (Christina Applegate) "No, that's; that's what it means. Really."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Agree to disagree."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Um, Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celebrity golf tournament?"
  • (Steve Carell) "Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we're not gonna."
  • (Will Ferrell) "How are you? You look awfully nice today. Maybe don't wear a bra next time -- No, I was talking to you. No, not her. I don't know her name. What is it? Lanolin? Lanolin? Like sheep's wool?"
  • (Waiter at Tino's) "May I take your order?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Yes, I am going to have three fingers of Glenlivet with a little bit of pepper, and, uh, some cheese."
  • (Waiter at Tino's) "Very good."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Uh, I'll take a Manhattan, and kick the vermouth in the side with a pair of steel-toed boots."
  • (Waiter at Tino's) "Certainly."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Thank you, Scott."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Wow. Quite a drink order."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Oh, well, when in Rome."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Yes? Please, go on."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Uh, do as the Romans do?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "It's an old expression."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Oh. I've never heard of it. It's wonderful, though."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Everyone just relax, all right? Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women."
  • (Paul Rudd) "I don't know, Ron."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Guess what, I do. I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited."
  • (Bartender) "You know, times are changing. Ladies can do stuff now and you're going to learn how to deal with it."
  • (Will Ferrell) "What? Were you saying something? Look, I don't speak Spanish."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You stay classy, Planet Earth."
  • (Will Ferrell) "The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show --"
  • (Will Ferrell) "and see if she likes the goods."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Knights of Columbus, that hurt."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Little Ham 'n Eggs comin' at ya, hold on people hope ya got your griddles --"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Sweet Lincoln's mullet."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Let's make a Baby."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Don't act like you're not impressed."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Son of a bee-sting."
  • (Will Ferrell) "What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole -- wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. How 'bout we get you in your p.j.'s and we hit the hay."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Oh Audrey; I look like hell. I got bags under my eyes. What's that? Well if you were a man, I'd punch you. Punch you right in the mouth. That's bush. Bush league. YOU HEAR ME? AUDREY. LOOK AT ME. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Alright?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Cannonball."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm on right now? -- I don't believe you."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?"
  • (Steve Carell) "I don't know."
  • (Angry Biker) "What do you love?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "I love poetry, and a glass of scotch, and, of course, my friend Baxter here."
  • (Angry Biker) "Well, now, guess what, this is happening."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Excuse me -- excuse me -- what are you doing?"
  • (Angry Biker) "That's how I roll."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You've got a dirty whorish mouth."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm in a glass case of emotion."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?"
  • (Paul Rudd) "Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh -- Ching -- King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off."
  • (Paul Rudd) "Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out here, Panda Jerk."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Great story. Compelling, and rich."
  • (Announcer) "Channel 4 News, with five-time Emmy-award winning anchor Ron Burgundy. Champ Kind, Sports. Brick Tamland, Weather. And your reporter in the field, Brian Fantana. It's the Channel 4 News at 6:00."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy and here's what happening in your world tonight."
  • (Will Ferrell) "How now brown cow."
  • (Will Ferrell) "It's all right, my sweet chinchilla."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Hey Garth. How's the divorce?"
  • (Chris Parnell) "Oh, not so good -- I'll probably never see my kids again --"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Fantastic."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking. Yep, back of the head."

Fred Willard as Ed Harken

  • (Fred Willard) "Apparently, my son was on something called "Acid," and was shooting a bow and arrow into a crowd."
  • (Unnamed) "Leave these people alone. They mean you no harm."
  • (Fred Willard) "We Bears are a proud race. They must pay for their intrusion."
  • (Unnamed) "On my journey I met one of your kind. His name was Katow-jo. We became friends."
  • (Fred Willard) "Katow-jo is my cousin. Go in peace."
  • (Unnamed) "I will tell tales of your compassion."
  • (Fred Willard) "Fare thee well, Baxter. You shall always be friend of the bears."
  • (Fred Willard) "Sweetheart, you and I have had this discussion a million times. There's never been a woman anchor."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Mr. Harken, this city needs its news. And you are going to deprive them of that because I have breasts? Exquisite breasts? Now, I am gonna go on, and if you want to try and stop me, bring it on. Because I am good at three things: Fighting, screwing, and reading the news. I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be? Huh?"
  • (Fred Willard) "Screwing?"
  • (Fred Willard) "A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team."
  • (David Koechner) "What in the hell's diversity?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era."
  • (Fred Willard) "Ron, I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned about the lack of an old, old wooden ship, but nice try."
  • (Fred Willard) "Put down the gun, and let the marching band go. We'll play it off as a prank."
  • (Fred Willard) "I have no idea where he would have gotten ahold of German pornography. But you and I are mature adults; we've both seen our share of pornographic materials. Oh, you never have? Of course you haven't, how stupid of me. Neither have I. I was just speaking in generalities. Right. I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye."

Christina Applegate as Veronica Corningstone

  • (Christina Applegate) "In case we die here today, there's something that you should know. That dirty trick with the Teleprompter. It wasn't --"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Sweet Eli Whitney's nose. It wasn't you, was it? It was Wes Mantooth. Oh, I should have known."
  • (Christina Applegate) "No, no. No, I did it."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You bitch."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You woke up the bears. Why did you do that?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "For the entire Channel 4 news team, I'm Veronica Corningstone."
  • (Will Ferrell) "And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go f*** yourself, San Diego."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Mr. Harkin, I just wondering if you knew when my office would be ready."
  • (Fred Willard) "Well, that might take some time. For now why don't you just grab a desk in the bullpen?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "YOU CAN USE MY OFFICE AND AFTERWARDS, MAYBE WE CAN GO TO LUNCH."
  • (Fred Willard) "Lower your voice, Ron."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Jazz flute is for little fairy boys."
  • (Christina Applegate) "My God, what is that smell? Oh."
  • (Paul Rudd) "That's the smell of desire my lady."
  • (Christina Applegate) "God no, it smells like, like a used diaper -- filled with -- Indian food. Oh, excuse me."
  • (Paul Rudd) "You know, desire smells like that to some people."
  • (News Station Employee) "What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair."
  • (News Station Employee) "Smells like Bigfoot's dick."
  • (Paul Rudd) "Whoa, what's that smell?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Really?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Yes, I do. Um -- I'm sorry, it's -- It's the pleats. It's actually an optical illusion, it's the pattern on the pant's that it's not flattering in the crotchal region. I'm actually taking them back right now, taking them back to the -- The pants store. Well, this is awkward. I'm gonna walk this situation off and I will see you later."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Nothing to look at. Get back to work everyone. Don't act like you're not impressed."
  • (Announcer) "You're watching Channel 4 News with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor Ron Burgundy and Tits McGee."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone. Tits McGee is on vacation."
  • (Will Ferrell) "And I'm Tits -- I'm Ron Burgundy."
  • (Christina Applegate) "-- and that can be very distracting. Okay, so when we get to the pet shop --"
  • (Steve Carell) "Cough. Look over here."
  • (Steve Carell) "Excuse me, Veronica?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "Yes? What is it, Brick?"
  • (Steve Carell) "I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Excuse me?"
  • (Steve Carell) "The -- party. With the -- with the pants. Party with pants?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?"
  • (Steve Carell) "That's it."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?"
  • (Steve Carell) "No. Yes. He did."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Okay. No. I don't want to go to a party in your pants."
  • (Steve Carell) "Very well. Ian, would you like to go to a party in my pants?"
  • (Paul Rudd) "No, Brick."
  • (Steve Carell) "All right. Let's go."
  • (Steve Carell) "It's all right. I'm all right."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Excuse me."
  • (Will Ferrell) "What are you doing?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "I need this machine so I can watch a tape for a story."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm using the tape. I'm showing Jeffrey my Emmy tape. We are watching history."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Mr. Burgundy, I'm a professional, and I would like to be able to do my job."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Big deal. I am very professional."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman."
  • (Christina Applegate) "You are not a man. You are a big fat joke."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science."
  • (Christina Applegate) "I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You are a smelly pirate hooker."
  • (Christina Applegate) "You look like a blueberry."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "Well, you have bad hair."
  • (Will Ferrell) "What did you say?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "I said -- your hair -- looks stupid."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Well done sir."
  • (Will Ferrell) "And a tip of the cap to you, Miss Corningstone."
  • (Christina Applegate) "This is pathetic."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You're pathetic."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Take me to Pleasure Town."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Oh, we're going there."

Steve Carell as Brick Tamland

  • (Steve Carell) "I pooped a hammer."
  • (Steve Carell) "I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation."
  • (Paul Rudd) "Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy."
  • (Steve Carell) "You're not Ron --"
  • (Steve Carell) "Where'd you get your clothes -- from the -- toilet store?"
  • (Steve Carell) "I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said -- my stomach's itchy."
  • (Steve Carell) "Heinie --"
  • (Steve Carell) "He said heinie."
  • (David Koechner) "Brick, get back over here."
  • (Steve Carell) "Any moment now, a stork will come in with the new baby panda. Let's just see if I can see what's going on there."
  • (Steve Carell) "Oh God --"
  • (Steve Carell) "No -- I don't understand --"
  • (Steve Carell) "Hey, Ron. I'm riding a furry tractor."
  • (Steve Carell) "I pooped a Cornish game hen."

Paul Rudd as Brian Fantana

  • (Paul Rudd) "People call me the Bry man; I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes; my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang."
  • (Paul Rudd) "I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head."
  • (Steve Carell) "That's a good one."
  • (Paul Rudd) "Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engine, but they do NOT belong in the newsroom."
  • (David Koechner) "It is anchor man, not anchor lady. And that is a scientific fact."
  • (Steve Carell) "I don't know what we're yelling about."
  • (Paul Rudd) "You're with us, Ron, what do you think?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "She -- Sh -- It's terrible. She has beautiful eyes. And her hair smells like cinnamon."
  • (Steve Carell) "LOUD NOISES."
  • (Paul Rudd) "Where is the suit store? We've been walking for forty-five minutes."
  • (David Koechner) "Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut."
  • (Steve Carell) "Fantastic."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Well, is it a shortcut or not?"
  • (Steve Carell) "Okay."
  • (Paul Rudd) "That was one crazy party. I am hung ovaaah.."
  • (David Koechner) "I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming."
  • (Steve Carell) "Oh, yeah. I ate a big red candle."
  • (Paul Rudd) "I think I was in love once."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Really? What was her name?"
  • (Paul Rudd) "I don't remember."
  • (Will Ferrell) "That's not a good start, but keep going --"
  • (Paul Rudd) "She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm pretty sure that's not love."
  • (Paul Rudd) "Damn it."

David Koechner as Champ Kind

  • (David Koechner) "What do you say if we go out on a date? Have some chicken, maybe some sex -- You know, see what happens."
  • (David Koechner) "The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team."
  • (Will Ferrell) "That's a given."
  • (David Koechner) "We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you. I miss being near you. I miss your laugh."
  • (David Koechner) "I miss your scent."
  • (David Koechner) "I miss your musk -- When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together."
  • (Paul Rudd) "Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while."
  • (David Koechner) "Champ here. I'm all about havin' fun. You know, get a couple cocktails in me, start a fire in someone's kitchen. Maybe go to SeaWorld, take my pants off. Anyway, I kinda known for my catch phrase WHAMMY. As in Gene Tenace at the plate -- iiittt WHAMMY. WHAMMY."
  • (David Koechner) "What's it like, Ron?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "The intimate times? Outta sight, my man."
  • (Paul Rudd) "No, the other thing; love."
  • (Steve Carell) "Yeah, what is that?"
  • (David Koechner) "Tell me about it. I woke up this morning and I s*** a squirrel. I mean it, literally. Hell of it is, damn thing's still alive. So I got this s***-covered squirrel down there in the office. Don't know what to name it."
  • (Steve Carell) "Oh, I'm sorry, Champ. I think I ate your chocolate squirrel."
  • (David Koechner) "I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again."
  • (Vince Vaughn) "Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Hey, let's leave the mothers out of this."

Luke Wilson as Frank Vitchard

  • (Luke Wilson) "I did not see that coming."
  • (Luke Wilson) "We've talked about this, Ron. A dog cannot be a gentleman."
  • (Luke Wilson) "I am gonna straight-up murder your ass."
  • (Public TV News Anchor) "Blade."
  • (Unnamed) "Here ya go, mate."
  • (Luke Wilson) "Ah. I did not see that one coming."
  • (Public TV News Anchor) "This is a great shot. Am I right Frank?"
  • (Luke Wilson) "I'm not talking to you because you cut off my arm."

Vince Vaughn as Wes Mantooth

  • (Vince Vaughn) "I hate you, Ron Burgundy. I hate you."
  • (Vince Vaughn) "Today we spell "redemption" -- R-O-N."
  • (Vince Vaughn) "I didn't know that the Salvation Army was having a sale."

Chris Parnell as Garth Holliday

  • (Chris Parnell) "You were my hero Ron. Why'd you have to say that? You come out with stink like that."
  • (Chris Parnell) "Poop. You poopmouth, with poop out of your mouth."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Garth, if I would give you some money out of my wallet, would that ease the pain?"

Fred Armisen as Tino

  • (Fred Armisen) "You eat that cat poop."

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