American Beauty (1999 film) Quotes

American Beauty (1999 film) is a television show that appeared on TV in 1970 . American Beauty completed its run in 1970.

It features Bruce Cohen; Dan Jinks as producer, Thomas Newman in charge of musical score, and Conrad L. Hall as head of cinematography.

American Beauty (1999 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of American Beauty (1999 film) is 122 minutes long. American Beauty (1999 film) is distributed by DreamWorks.

American Beauty (1999 film) Quotes

• (Angela Hayes) "I hope you don't mind if I play the stereo."
• (Lester Burnham) "Not at all. Bad night?"
• (Angela Hayes) "Not really bad. Just -- strange."
• (Lester Burnham) "Believe me, it couldn't possibly be any stranger than mine."
• (Angela Hayes) "Jane and I had a fight. It was about you. She's mad at me, because -- I said I think you're sexy."
• (Lester Burnham) "Do you want a sip?"
• (Angela Hayes) "Sure."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "Are you trying to look unattractive?"
• (Jane Burnham) "Yes."
• (Carolyn Burnham) "Well, congratulations. You've succeeded admirably."

• (Angela Hayes) "Yeah? Well, at least I'm not ugly."
• (Ricky Fitts) "Yes, you are. And you're boring, and you're totally ordinary, and you know it."

• (Barbara Fitts) "I'm so sorry for the way things look around here."

• (Jane Burnham) "Mom, do we always have to listen to this elevator music?"
• (Carolyn Burnham) "No. No, we don't."
• (Carolyn Burnham) "As soon as you've prepared a nutritious yet savory meal that I'm about to eat, you can listen to whatever you like."

• (Angela Hayes) "This is my first time."
• (Lester Burnham) "You're kidding."
• (Angela Hayes) "I'm sorry. I still wanna do it. It's -- I thought I should tell you, in case you're wondering why -- I wasn't -- better."
• (Angela Hayes) "What's wrong?"
• (Angela Hayes) "I thought you said I was beautiful."
• (Lester Burnham) "You are beautiful."
• (Lester Burnham) "You are so beautiful -- and I would be a very -- lucky man."
• (Angela Hayes) "I feel so stupid."
• (Lester Burnham) "Don't."
• (Angela Hayes) "Why?"
• (Lester Burnham) "You have nothing to be sorry about. It's okay. Everything's okay."

• (Lester Burnham) "You better watch yourself, Jane, or you're going to turn into a real BITCH, just like your MOTHER."

• (Colonel Frank Fitts) "Where's your wife?"
• (Lester Burnham) "Uh, I dunno. Probably out f***ing that dorky, prince-of-real-estate asshole. And you know what? I don't care."
• (Colonel Frank Fitts) "Your wife is with another man and you don't care?"
• (Lester Burnham) "Nope. Our marriage is just for show. A commercial for how normal we are when we're anything but."

• (Lester Burnham) "That's my wife, Carolyn. See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That's not an accident."

• (Mr. Smiley's Manager) "I don't think you'd fit in here."
• (Lester Burnham) "I have fast food experience."
• (Mr. Smiley's Manager) "Yeah, like twenty years ago."
• (Lester Burnham) "Well, I'm sure there have been amazing technological advances in the industry, but surely you must have some sort of training program. It seems unfair to presume I won't be able to learn."

• (Angela Hayes) "I'm serious. He just pulled down his pants and yanked it out. You know, like, "Say hello to Mr. Happy.""
• (Playground Girl #1) "Gross."
• (Angela Hayes) "It wasn't gross. It was kinda cool."
• (Playground Girl #1) "So did you do it with him?"
• (Angela Hayes) "Of course I did. He's like a really well known photographer. He shoots for "Elle" on like a regular basis. It would have been so majorly stupid of me to turn him down."
• (Playground Girl #2) "You are a total prostitute."
• (Angela Hayes) "Hey. That's how things really are. You just don't know 'cause you're this pampered little suburban chick."
• (Playground Girl #2) "So are you. You've only been in "Seventeen" once and you looked fat. So stop acting like you're god**** Christy Turlington."
• (Angela Hayes) "c***. I am so sick of people taking their insecurities out on me."

• (Ricky Fitts) "I can't believe you don't know how beautiful you are."

• (Lester Burnham) "You don't think it's kinda weird & fascist?"
• (Carolyn Burnham) "Possibly, but you don't want to be unemployed."
• (Lester Burnham) "Oh well, all right, let's all sell our souls and work for Satan because it's more convenient that way."

• (Jane Burnham) "I don't think we can be friends anymore."
• (Angela Hayes) "You're way too uptight about sex."
• (Jane Burnham) "Just don't f*** my dad, all right? Please?"
• (Angela Hayes) "Why not?"

• (Lester Burnham) "Man, oh man. Man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man."

• (Lester Burnham) "Remember those posters that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"? Well, that's true of every day but one; the day you die."

• (Angela Hayes) "I was hoping you'd give me a bath. I'm very, very dirty."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "Lester, I refuse to live like this. This is not a marriage."
• (Lester Burnham) "This hasn't been a marriage for years, but you were happy as long as I kept my mouth shut. Well, guess what, I've changed. And the new me whacks off when he feels horny, 'cause you're obviously not gonna help me out in that department."

• (Ricky Fitts) "I didn't mean to scare you. I just think you're interesting."

• (Angela Hayes) "I don't think that there's anything worse than being ordinary."

• (Ricky Fitts) "It's like God's looking right at you, just for a second, and if you're careful -- you can look right back."
• (Jane Burnham) "And what do you see?"
• (Ricky Fitts) "Beauty."

• (Ricky Fitts) "I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious."

• (Angela Hayes) "Go f*** yourself, psycho."

• (Ricky Fitts) "How much do you want?"
• (Lester Burnham) "I don't know. It's been a while. How much is an ounce?"
• (Ricky Fitts) "This is totally decent and it's three hundred."
• (Lester Burnham) "Wow."
• (Ricky Fitts) "This s*** is top of the line. It's called G-13. It's genetically engineered by the U.S. government. It's extremely potent but a completely mellow high. No paranoia."
• (Lester Burnham) "Is that what we smoked last night?"
• (Ricky Fitts) "This is all I ever smoke."

• (Angela Hayes) "It's that psycho next door. Jane, what if he worships you? What if he's got a shrine with pictures of you surrounded by dead people's heads and stuff?"

• (Lester Burnham) "I figured you guys might be able to give me some pointers. I need to shape up. Fast."
• (Jim Olmeyer) "Are you just looking to lose weight, or do you want increased strength and flexibility as well?"
• (Lester Burnham) "I want to look good naked."

• (Lester) "Oh, I'm in trouble."

• (Lester Burnham) "You don't get to tell me what to do ever again."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "Oh, I see. You think you're the only one who's sexually frustrated?"
• (Lester Burnham) "I'm not? Well, then, come on, baby, I'm ready."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey?"
• (Lester Burnham) "Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go f*** himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus."
• (Carolyn Burnham) "Your father seems to think this kind of behavior is something to be proud of."
• (Lester Burnham) "And your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a f***ing prisoner while she keeps my dick in a mason jar under the sink."
• (Carolyn Burnham) "How dare you speak to me that way in front of her. And I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me, on the same day that you LOSE your job."
• (Lester Burnham) "Lose it? I didn't lose it. It's not like, "Whoops. Where'd my job go?" I QUIT. Someone pass the asparagus, please."

• (Angela Hayes) "Jane, he's a freak."
• (Jane Burnham) "Then so am I. And we'll always be freaks and we'll never be like other people and you'll never be a freak because you're just too -- perfect."

• (Catering Boss) "I'm not paying you to do -- whatever it is you're doing out here."
• (Ricky Fitts) "Fine. So don't pay me."
• (Catering Boss) "Excuse me?"
• (Ricky Fitts) "I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone."
• (Catering Boss) "-- asshole."
• (Lester Burnham) "I think you just became my personal hero."

• (Lester Burnham) "This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that's just nuts."

• (Lester Burnham) "How's Jane?"
• (Angela Hayes) "What do you mean?"
• (Lester Burnham) "I mean, how's her life? Is she happy? Is she miserable? I'd really like to know, and she'd die before she'd ever tell me about it."
• (Angela Hayes) "She's -- she's really happy. She thinks she's in love."
• (Lester Burnham) "Good for her."
• (Angela Hayes) "How are you?"
• (Lester Burnham) "God, it's been a long time since anybody asked me that -- I'm great."
• (Angela Hayes) "I've gotta go to the bathroom."
• (Lester Burnham) "I'm great."

• (Lester Burnham) "Smile. You're at Mr. Smiley's."

• (Jane Burnham) "Don't you feel naked?"
• (Ricky Fitts) "I am naked."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "Oh god, I love it."
• (Buddy Kane) "You like gettin' nailed by the King?"
• (Carolyn Burnham) "Oh yes, I love it. f*** me, your majesty."
• (Buddy Kane) "Who's the King?"
• (Carolyn Burnham) "You are."

• (Brad Dupree) "Management wants you gone by the end of the day."
• (Lester Burnham) "Well, just what sort of severance package is management prepared to offer me? Considering the information I have about our Editorial Director buying p***** with company money; which, I think, would interest the I.R.S., since it technically constitutes fraud; and I'm sure that some of our advertisers and rival publications might like to know about it as well. Not to mention"
• (Lester Burnham) "Craig's wife."
• (Brad Dupree) "What do you want?"
• (Lester Burnham) "One year's salary, with benefits."
• (Brad Dupree) "That's not going to happen."
• (Lester Burnham) "Well, what do you say I throw in a little sexual harassment charge, to boot?"
• (Brad Dupree) "Against who?"
• (Lester Burnham) "Against YOU. Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job if I let you blow me?"
• (Brad Dupree) "Man, you are one twisted f***."
• (Lester Burnham) "Nope; I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "This is a $4,000 sofa, upholstered in Italian silk. This is not just a couch."
• (Lester Burnham) "It's just a couch."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "There happens to be a lot about me that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man. There's plenty of joy in my life."

• (Lester Burnham) "Well you know what? I've changed. And the new me whacks off when he feels horny."

• (Lester Burnham) "This isn't life. This is just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living."

• (Brad Dupree) "Got a minute?"
• (Lester Burnham) "For you, Brad, I've got five."

• (Colonel Frank Fitts) "You need structure. Yeah? You need discipline."
• (Ricky Fitts) "Yes, sir. Thank you for trying to teach me. Don't give up on me, Dad."

• (Lester Burnham) "So -- you gonna tell me? What do you want?"
• (Angela Hayes) "I don't know."
• (Lester Burnham) "You -- don't know?"
• (Angela Hayes) "What do you want?"
• (Lester Burnham) "Are you kidding? I want you."
• (Lester Burnham) "I wanted you since the first moment I saw you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."
• (Angela Hayes) "You don't think I'm ordinary?"
• (Lester Burnham) "You couldn't be ordinary if you tried."
• (Angela Hayes) "Thank you. I don't think there's anything worse than being ordinary."

• (Lester Burnham) "Good. I'm looking for the least possible amount of responsibility."

• (Angela Hayes) "What a freak. And why does he dress like a bible salesman?"
• (Jane Burnham) "He's just so confident, it can't be real."
• (Angela Hayes) "I don't believe him. I mean, he didn't even like, look at me once."

• (Lester Burnham) "Oh Carolyn, when did you become so -- joyless?"
• (Carolyn Burnham) "Joyless? I'm not joyless. There happens to be a lot about me that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man. There's plenty of joy in my life."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "My company sells an image. It's part of my job to live that image."

• (Sale House Woman #5) "I mean, I think 'lagoon', I think 'waterfall', I think 'tropical'. This is a cement -- hole."
• (Carolyn Burnham) "Er -- I have some tiki torches in the garage --"

• (Lester Burnham) "Oh, what? You're mother of the year? You treat her like an employee."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "Honey, I'm so proud of you. I watched you very closely, and you didn't screw up once."

• (Ricky Fitts) "Anything new in the world, Dad?"
• (Colonel Frank Fitts) "This country is going straight to hell."

• (Lester Burnham) "Will someone please pass the f***ing asparagus?"

• (Carolyn Burnham) "I refuse to be a victim."

• (Lester Burnham) "Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser and they're right, I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn't always feel this -- sedated. But you know what? It's never too late to get it back."

• (Jane Burnham) "Oh, my God --"
• (Ricky Fitts) "Wow --"

• (Lester Burnham) "Janie's a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her."

• (Brad Dupree) "-- so I'm sure you can understand the need to cut corners around here."
• (Lester Burnham) "Sure. Times are tight, and you need to free up cash. Gotta spend money to make money."
• (Brad Dupree) "Exactly."
• (Lester Burnham) "Like when our editorial director used the company MasterCard to pay for a hooker, and then she used the card number to stay at the St. Regis for, what was it, three months?"
• (Brad Dupree) "That's unsubstantiated gossip."
• (Lester Burnham) "That's fifty thousand dollars. That's somebody's salary. Somebody who's probably gonna get fired because Craig has to pay women to f*** him."
• (Brad Dupree) "Jesus. Calm down. Nobody's getting fired yet. That's why we're having everyone write a job description, mapping out in detail how they contribute. That way, management can assess who's valuable and who's --"
• (Lester Burnham) "Expendable."
• (Brad Dupree) "It's just business."

• (Ricky Fitts) "Welcome to America's weirdest home videos."

• (Jane Burnham) "I'm so sorry my Dad was weird tonight."
• (Angela Hayes) "That's okay. I'm used to guys drooling over me. It started when I was about twelve. I'd go to dinner with my parents. Every Thursday night: Red Lobster."
• (Angela Hayes) "And every guy there would stare at me when I walked in. And I knew what they were thinking. Just like I knew guys at school thought about me when they jerked off."
• (Jane Burnham) "Vomit."
• (Angela Hayes) "No, I liked it. And I still like it. If people I don't even know look at me and wanna f*** me, it means -- I really have a shot at being a model. Which is great. Because there's -- nothing worse in life than being ordinary."
• (Jane Burnham) "I really think it'll happen for you."
• (Angela Hayes) "I know. Because everything that was meant to happen, does -- eventually."

• (Mr. Smiley's Counter Girl) "Whoa. You are so busted."
• (Carolyn Burnham) "You know, this really doesn't concern you."
• (Lester Burnham) "Well, actually, Janine is Senior Drive-thru Manager so you are on her turf."

• (Ricky Fitts) "So, do you party?"
• (Lester Burnham) "Excuse me?"
• (Ricky Fitts) "Do you get high?"

• (Lester Burnham) "Well what makes you so sure she wants us to be there? Did she ask us to come?"
• (Carolyn Burnham) "Of course not. She doesn't want us to know how important this is to her. But she's been practicing her steps for weeks."
• (Lester Burnham) "Well, I'll bet money she's going to resent it, and I'm missing the James Bond marathon on TNT."
• (Carolyn Burnham) "Lester, this is important. I'm sensing a real distance growing between you and Jane."
• (Lester Burnham) ""Growing?" She hates me."
• (Carolyn Burnham) "She's just willful."
• (Lester Burnham) "She hates you too."

• (Lester Burnham) "I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up."

• (Sale House Woman #4) "The ad said this pool was lagoon-like. There's nothing lagoon-like about it, except for the bugs. There aren't even any plants out here."
• (Carolyn Burnham) "What do you call this? Is this not a plant? If you have a problem with my plants, I can always call my landscape architect. Solved."

• (Lester Burnham) "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself."

• (Jane Burnham) "I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school. What a lame-o. Someone really should just put him out of his misery."
• (Ricky Fitts) "Want me to kill him for you?"
• (Jane Burnham) "Yeah. Would you?"

• (Jane Burnham) "Sorry about my dad."
• (Angela Hayes) "Don't be. I think it's funny."
• (Jane Burnham) "Yeah, to you, he's just another guy who wants to jump your bones. But to me, he's just -- too embarrassing to live."
• (Angela Hayes) "Your mom's the one who's embarrassing. What a phony. But, your dad's actually kind of cute."
• (Jane Burnham) "Shut up."
• (Angela Hayes) "He is. If he just worked out a little, he'd be hot."
• (Jane Burnham) "Shut up."
• (Angela Hayes) "Oh, come on. Like you've never sneaked a peek at him in his underwear? I bet he's got a big dick."
• (Jane Burnham) "You are so grossing me out right now."
• (Angela Hayes) "If he built up his chest and arms, I would totally f*** him."
• (Angela Hayes) "I would. I would suck your dad's big fat dick, and then I'd f*** him until his eyes rolled back in his head."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
• (Lester Burnham) "Uh oh. Mom's mad. Bench presses. I'm going to whale on my pecs and then do my back."

• (Lester Burnham) "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about."

• (Colonel Frank Fitts) "What is this? The f***ing Gay Pride parade?"

• (Jane Burnham) "Somebody should just put him out of his misery."
• (Ricky Fitts) "Do you want me to kill him?"
• (Jane Burnham) "Yeah, would you?"

• (Carolyn Burnham) "Uh, whose car is that out front?"
• (Lester Burnham) "Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule."

• (Lester Burnham) "When I was your age, I flipped burgers all summer just to be able to buy an eight-track."
• (Ricky Fitts) "That sucks."
• (Lester Burnham) "No, actually it was great. All I did was party and get laid. I had my whole life ahead of me."

• (Angela Hayes) "Everything that's meant to happen does."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "What are you doing?"
• (Lester Burnham) "Nothing."
• (Carolyn Burnham) "You were masturbating."
• (Lester Burnham) "I was not."
• (Carolyn Burnham) "Yes you were."
• (Lester Burnham) "Oh, all right. So shoot me, I was whacking off. That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying "hi" to my monster."

• (Lester Burnham) "I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time -- For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars -- And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined our street -- Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper -- And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird -- And Janie -- And Janie -- And -- Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me -- but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst -- And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life -- You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry -- you will someday."

• (Angela Hayes) "If people I don't even know look at me and want to f*** me, it means I really have a shot at being a model."

• (Ricky Fitts) "My dad thinks I paid for all this with catering jobs. Never underestimate the power of denial."

• (Angela Hayes) "You total slut, you have a crush on him. You're defending him, you love him, you wanna have, like, ten thousand of his babies."

• (Ricky Fitts) "She's not your friend. She's just someone you use to feel better about yourself."

• (Lester Burnham) "Look at me, jerking off in the shower -- This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here."

• (Angela Hayes) "So, you're f***ing psycho-boy on a regular basis now? Tell me, has he got a big dick?"
• (Jane Burnham) "It's not like that."
• (Angela Hayes) "What, hasn't he got one?"
• (Jane Burnham) "I'm not going to talk about his dick with you, OK?"

• (Jim Olmeyer) "Hello. We're your neighbors from two doors down and we just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood."
• (Jim "JB" Berkely) "Everything's from our garden, except for the pasta."
• (Jim Olmeyer) "Yes, it's from Fizzoli's, it's amazingly fresh, you just pop it in water and it's done. I'm Jim Olmeyer."
• (Jim Olmeyer) "And this is my partner Jim."
• (Jim "JB" Berkely) "Jim Berkely, but people call me J.B."
• (Colonel Frank Fitts) "Ah, let's just cut to it, what are you selling?"
• (Jim Olmeyer) "Nothing, we just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood."
• (Colonel Frank Fitts) "You said you're partners, so, uh what's your business?"
• (Jim Olmeyer) "Well, he's a tax attorney."
• (Jim "JB" Berkely) "And he's an anesthesiologist."

• (Angela Hayes) "Who are you looking for?"
• (Jane Burnham) "My parents are coming tonight. They're trying to, you know, take an active interest in me."
• (Angela Hayes) "Gross. I hate it when my mom does that."

• (Lester Burnham) "What is this?"
• (Ricky Fitts) "Urine. I have to take a drug test every six months just to make sure I'm clean."
• (Lester Burnham) "Are you kidding? You just smoked with me last night."
• (Ricky Fitts) "It's not mine. One of my clients is a nurse in a pediatrician's office. I cut her a deal. She keeps me in clean piss."

• (Lester Burnham) "My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood; this is my street; this is my life. I am 42 years old; in less than a year I will be dead. Of course I don't know that yet, and in a way, I am dead already."

• (Jane Burnham) "Are you scared?"
• (Ricky Fitts) "I don't get scared."
• (Jane Burnham) "My parents will try to find me."
• (Ricky Fitts) "Mine won't."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "Uh, Buddy, this is my --"
• (Lester Burnham) "Her husband. We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time."

• (Jane Burnham) "Could he be any more -- pathetic?"
• (Angela Hayes) "I think he's sweet. And I think he and your mother have not had sex in a long time."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "My husband, Lester."
• (Buddy Kane) "It's a pleasure."
• (Lester Burnham) "Oh, we've met before, actually. This thing last year, Christmas at the Sheraton --"
• (Buddy Kane) "Oh yeah, yes --"
• (Lester Burnham) "It's OK, I wouldn't remember me either."
• (Carolyn Burnham) "Honey, don't be weird."
• (Lester Burnham) "OK honey, I won't be weird. I'll be whatever what you want me to be."
• (Lester Burnham) "We have a very healthy relationship."
• (Buddy Kane) "I see."
• (Lester Burnham) "Well, don't know about you guys, but I need a drink."

• (Carolyn Burnham) "Don't you mess with me, mister, or I'll divorce you so fast it'll make your head spin."
• (Lester Burnham) "On what grounds? I'm not a drunk, I don't f*** other women, I don't mistreat you, I've never hit you -- I don't even try to touch you since you've made it so abundantly clear just how unnecessary you consider me to be. But I did support you when you got your license, and some people might think that entitles me to half of what's yours. So, turn out the light when you come to bed."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.