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'Allo 'Allo! (series 1) Quotes

'Allo 'Allo! is a TV program that debuted in 1984 on BBC One. 'Allo 'Allo! ended its run in 1984.

'Allo 'Allo! was on for 7 episodes.

'Allo 'Allo! Quotes

  • (Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen) "Heil Hitler."
  • (Officer Crabtree) "Hole Hotler."
  • (Yvette Carte-Blanche) "Rene, what are you doing?"
  • (René) "Cutting my throat, my love."
  • (Herr Flick) "This is very serious. The Gestapo is only insured for third party."
  • (Capt. Hans Geering) "Rene, your wife has many talents."
  • (Col. Von Strom) "Singing isn't one of them."
  • (Officer Crabtree) "Good moaning, Herr Flock. And von Smellhorsen."
  • (Herr Flick) "You put your right boot in, you take your right boot out, you do a lot of shouting and you shake your fists about. You light a little smokie and you burn down ze town, zat's vot it's all about. Ah, Himmler, Himmler, Himmler --"
  • (Lt. Hubert Gruber) "Would you like to come for a ride in my little tank?"
  • (Yvette Carte-Blanche) "What is happening?"
  • (Maria Recamier) "We were both aroused by the banging."
  • (Edith) "I too was aroused by the banging."
  • (Roger Leclerc) "I was aroused when I saw the girls with the candles."
  • (Officer Crabtree) "I was pissing by the door, when I heard two shats. You are holding in your hand a smoking goon; you are clearly the guilty potty."
  • (Michelle Dubois) "Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once."
  • (René) "Well, in that case, could you please speak slowly?"
  • (Herr Flick) "I have a box of sharp needles somewhere."
  • (Herr Flick) "Ah, here they are."
  • (Helga) "What have you in mind, Herr Flick?"
  • (Herr Flick) "I have an excellent gramophone and many old records of Hitler's speeches. They are quite amusing."
  • (Helga) "Hitler's speeches quite amusing?"
  • (Herr Flick) "Played at double speed, he sounds like Donald Duck."
  • (René) "Edith, if this plan fails, there will not be a wall in Nuvion big enough to shoot us all against."
  • (Unnamed) "And then we shall throw these useless old bodies into the Seine."
  • (Lt. Hubert Gruber) "You notice I am walking very gingerly."
  • (René) "Do not tell me you have dynamite in your trousers."
  • (Lt. Hubert Gruber) "You should not believe everything you hear, Rene."
  • (Herr Flick) "I will not be reporting this incident to Berlin. I do not wish to look a right 'nana."
  • (René) "I don't know, is it possible to just wound him?"
  • (Capt. Hans Geering) "With a 25lb shell, 'just wounding' may be difficult."
  • (René) "You silly old bat."
  • (René) "But if Herr Flick knows about that he will shoot me -- slowly and painfully."
  • (René) "Oh, 'eck."
  • (Officer Crabtree) "There is obviously no piss for the wicked."
  • (Flying Officer Fairfax) "Carstairs, you're standing like a tart again."
  • (Edith) "No one will suspect them. They look just like the staff."
  • (René) "Edith, the Germans take the staff upstairs from time to time. If they took these two upstairs, do you not think that their suspicions will be aroused?"
  • (Yvette Carte-Blanche) "We are much more attractive. They will take us."
  • (René) "And suppose there is a rush?"
  • (Flying Officer Carstairs) "What are they saying, Fairfax?"
  • (Flying Officer Fairfax) "I've no idea; it's all in French."
  • (Flying Officer Carstairs) "Look at my knees"
  • (René) "Why is he showing you his knees?"
  • (Michelle Dubois) "He was a scrubber at ze nunnery."
  • (René) "No wonder they threw him out."
  • (Officer Crabtree) "God Moaning. The resist-once have accqo-aired a bum. They are going to ex-plod the whaleway brodge."
  • (Officer Crabtree) "I was pissing by the door when I heard a shat."
  • (Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen) "Guards. Arrest all Gypsies driving fire engines."
  • (Roger Leclerc) "It is I, Leclerc."
  • (Monsieur Alfonse) "Oh, my dicky ticker."
  • (Edith) "Tonight I will sing as I have never sung before."
  • (René) "What, in tune?"
  • (Col. Von Strom) "Do you think he has a screw loose?"
  • (Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen) "In my opinion, a whole Meccano set is falling apart in there."
  • (Flying Officer Carstairs) "What's going on?"
  • (Michelle Dubois) "Jerries. Keep quite or you'll be shot."
  • (Flying Officer Fairfax) "We're wearing the right clobber for it."
  • (René) "We will stick out like a carrot in an omelet."
  • (Capt. Bertorelli) "What a mistake-a to make-a."
  • (Michelle Dubois) "Listen very carefully; I shall say this only once."
  • (René) "You stupid woman."
  • (Officer Crabtree) "My lips are soiled."
  • (Helga) "What about the good news?"
  • (Herr Flick) "The good news is there is no more bad news."
  • (René) "Youuuuuu stupid woman."
  • (Col. Von Strom) "Ah, Helga. What can we do for you?"
  • (Capt. Hans Geering) "Judging from past experience, very little."
  • (Edith) "Listen carefully, Michelle said this only once."
  • (Flying Officer Carstairs) "What was all that about?"
  • (Flying Officer Fairfax) "I think he means that if Hitler comes in and wants us to go upstairs with him, we're not to go."
  • (Flying Officer Carstairs) "Is he like "that," then?"
  • (Flying Officer Fairfax) "Oh, yes."
  • (René) "And they must not speak."
  • (Flying Officer Carstairs) "What does that mean?"
  • (Flying Officer Fairfax) "Well, if we do go upstairs with Hitler, we're not to tell anyone."
  • (Flying Officer Carstairs) "Well, it's hardly the sort of thing you boast about, is it."
  • (René) "Hang on a minute. You have not finished my windows."
  • (Michelle Dubois) "Screw your windows."
  • (Capt. Hans Geering) "Do you not see that if you kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug, then you need not light the candle with the handle on the gateau from the chateau."
  • (René) "Simple plans are always the best."
  • (Officer Crabtree) "There is obviously no piss for the wicked."
  • (René) "But you won't shoot me?"
  • (Col. Von Strom) "That goes without saying."
  • (René) "I would feel better if you said it, just the same."

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