Adventureland (film) Quotes

Adventureland (film) is a TV show that debuted in 1970 . Adventureland ended in 1970.

It features Sidney Kimmel as producer, Yo La Tengo in charge of musical score, and Terry Stacey as head of cinematography.

Adventureland (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Adventureland (film) is 107 minutes long. Adventureland (film) is distributed by Miramax Films.

The cast includes: Paige Howard as Sue O'Malley, Jesse Eisenberg as James Brennan, Josh Pais as Em Lewin, Bill Hader as Bobby, Michael Zegen as Eric, Mary Birdsong as Francy, Josh Pais as Mr. Lewin, Ryan Reynolds as Mike Connell, Michael Zegen as Rich, and Margarita Levieva as Lisa P..

Adventureland (film) Quotes

Josh Pais as Em Lewin

• (Josh Pais) "I can't believe my dad wants to be with that."
• (Josh Pais) "Do you want to hear something f***ed up?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "What?"
• (Josh Pais) "When my mom first started getting, like, really sick my dad starts going to temple. He's never been serious about his faith. But he decided to buddy up to God like he thought it was going to help save my mom. And that's where he met Francy."
• (Josh Pais) "My mom loses her hair in chemo and my dad starts f***ing a bald woman. It's just weird."

• (Josh Pais) "I thought you were off today."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "I need to tell you something. Last week I went on a date with Lisa P. She asked me out. It was nothing. We kissed a little bit at the end of the date and I felt her breast a little bit, but nothing else."
• (Josh Pais) "Right. No intercourse?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "No. No intercourse. Look, I'm sorry. It's just you and I never talked about being exclusive. I don't want to see her again, okay? You're the one I."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Look, we'll both be in New York soon and I want to hang out with you. I want to get to know you better if you want to get to know me better as well."
• (Josh Pais) "James, you don't owe me anything."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "I know, but, I want to owe you things. I'm ready to owe you things, okay? Because I really, really care about you. Are you mad at me? Because I'm sorry."
• (Josh Pais) "No. No, I'm not mad at you. Thanks for telling me. That was, like, really sweet."

• (Josh Pais) "Well, you know, my dad's a lawyer. It's been his life-long dream for his daughter to work at Adventureland."

• (Josh Pais) "What are you doing here?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Are you and Connell, like?"
• (Josh Pais) "Uh, it started in like. I didn't know you when it. How did you? What are you? How did you find me here?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Lisa P. told me that Connell used to take some other girl here last summer. To his mother's basement."
• (Josh Pais) "Right."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Yeah, I just, like, I don't understand how you could do this."
• (Josh Pais) "I came here to."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "I know. I know I f***ed up too, okay? I f***ed up one time and I f***ing told you about it. And you think I'm like some kind of f***ing pathetic idiot or something."
• (Josh Pais) "You're not a f***ing idiot. I'm a f***ing idiot."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Yeah, that's right."
• (Josh Pais) "s***."

• (Josh Pais) "You know you don't deserve to date Joel. You're an anti-Semitic asshole, what do you like hate gay people too? Do you support apartheid?"

• (Josh Pais) "Wow."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Hi. I just got off the bus. I'm a New Yorker now. I guess I should probably buy an umbrella."
• (Josh Pais) "I don't think I can see you."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "What?"
• (Josh Pais) "This summer was rough. I did things that I really, really regret."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Yeah, me too. I'm sorry I told Lisa P. about you and Connell. She told the rest of the world, but I'm not gonna lie. I was really angry at you but you didn't deserve that."
• (Josh Pais) "You know, James, I am so sorry for f***ing this up. You were the only good thing that happened this summer."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Wait, Em. I think I maybe see you a little differently than you see yourself. Yes I see the person who f***ed up, but I also see the person who saved me from being knifed over a giant-ass panda, who introduced me to psychotropic chocolate-chip cookies, who stood up for Joel, and who doesn't make apologies for herself. Look, my theory is you can't just avoid everybody you screw up with. And you should trust me, I'm a New Yorker."

• (Josh Pais) "Was the sex good?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "She was very sexy."
• (Josh Pais) "You've been with a lot of girls?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Yep. Are we talking about intercourse specifically?"
• (Josh Pais) "Yeah."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Yeah, yeah. No in that case there were actually a few times that I could have done that. But it wasn't, it wasn't exactly right."
• (Josh Pais) "Wait, so you're telling me you're a virgin?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "There were circumstances."
• (Josh Pais) "Oh my God."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "No. Okay, alright for example, junior year I was dating this girl Betsy Cooke. Betsy was kind of like, she was kind of a prude actually. Anyway one day I was reading Shakespeare and I realized I don't really love this person. You know? It was one of the sonnets, "being your slave, what should I do but tend upon the hours and times of your desires?" And I realized I don't want to tend to Betsy's hours or her times. Alright that doesn't matter. Anyway, I drove to Betsy's house and I was literally about to tell her and that's the night she said she wanted to have sex. Can you believe it? It was the same night."
• (Josh Pais) "And you didn't just f*** her anyway?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Hmm? No. So what about you and intercourse?"
• (Josh Pais) "Can you stop saying intercourse?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Sure, sure."
• (Josh Pais) "I don't know. There were guys in high school and then, like, there were other ones."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Were you in love with any of them?"
• (Josh Pais) "No. Hell no."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Gotcha."

• (Joel) "Two options: I can play it safe, pick them off from back here, or I can rush into the breach guns a blazing, make a run to the cortex and -- bombs away."
• (Joel) ""Audentes Fortunas Juvat", Fortune Favors the Bold. Virgil said that."
• (Josh Pais) "I'm sure Virgil had Bionic Mutant in mind."

• (Josh Pais) "Can you stop saying "intercourse"?"

Jesse Eisenberg as James Brennan

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Hey, is it because of Sue?"
• (Joel) "What?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Why you quit. Because, Joel, you're a great guy, you know, and she doesn't deserve you."
• (Joel) "James, look at me. I'm not a good looking guy. And I'm poor. Girls aren't gonna go near me when there's all these f***ing yuppies around."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "That's ridiculous. Not all women are like that. You know, Em isn't like that."
• (Joel) "Em?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Yeah."
• (Joel) "You don't even appreciate what you have. You're chasing after Lisa P. when you have this incredible, beautiful girl right f***ing there. f*** this."

• (Tommy Frigo) "Let's go, panty stain."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Panty stain, that's me. Good night everybody."

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Hey, I heard you jammed with Lou Reed."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Don't believe everything you hear."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Okay."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "I'll tell you about it sometime."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "So, where does your band play?"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Usual s***holes around town. I need better musicians. I'm starting a new band out in L.A."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Los Angeles?"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Yeah, it's going to be cool. Going this winter."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Jesus. Nasty."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "You'll get better at avoiding that."

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Jesus f***ing Christ. They play this song like 20 times a day."
• (Joel) "f***ing sadists. f***ing sadists."

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Frigo, get the f*** out of here, and you can't tell anybody about this, okay?"
• (Tommy Frigo) "All right, all right, relax, Brennan. What's it worth to you?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "You're shaking me down?"
• (Tommy Frigo) "No -- Yeah, yeah."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "I hate you with such great fervor."

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Ladies and gentlemen, put down your mint juleps. Horses are all at the starting gate. Okay, and they're off. And Red bolts out of the gate, taking an early lead. But look out. Here comes Green, issuing a challenge from the outside lane. Green runs well on a muddy track, folks, so today's conditions might give him a slight edge. And Yellow is dead last. What a dissapointment after Yellow's strong showing at Saratoga last spring. Wait. Look out. Wait a second. Out of nowhere, Orange breaks ahead of the pack, and now, in the backstretch, Orange and Green. Orange and Green, and Orange takes it by a nose. Green places and Red shows. Please come to the window to collect your winnings."
• (Adult Contestant) "What window?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Huh?"
• (Adult Contestant) "What window? There's a window?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Uh, no. No, there's not. Here you go."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Congratulations, sir."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "I'm new."

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Satin lives."

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Are we doing this?"
• (Josh Pais) "Yeah, I think we are."

• (Tommy Frigo) "James, don't get all drunk and fall asleep or anything."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Why not?"
• (Tommy Frigo) "Because I'll jack off on your face."

• (Joel) "So your life must be utter s***, or you wouldn't be here."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "I was supposed to go to Europe, but my family has money problems."

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Yeah, Frigo was my best friend. Then, I turned four."

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "My theory is you can't just avoid everybody you screw up with. You can trust me on that because I'm a New Yorker."

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Hey, I feel like I should tell you."
• (Josh Pais) "Tell me what?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "I had my heart broken recently."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Is that -- I don't know, I just thought I should tell you."
• (Josh Pais) "That sucks."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Yeah."
• (Josh Pais) "Who broke your heart?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "A girl at school. Yeah, it's typical. I actually, I think there was something there. I think we actually had, like, potential. I don't know. I think she was afraid."
• (Josh Pais) "Afraid of what?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "I don't know. Afraid of it being good or something."

• (Joel) "What's the point of being a writer or an artist anyway? Herman Melville wrote f***in' Moby Dick, he was so poor and forgot by the time he died that in his obituary they called him Henry Melville. You know, like why bother? They're just going to forget our f***in' names anyway. I heard Em went back to New York."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "I wish it didn't end like that, I should've; I don't know."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Your Herman Melville story that; that's bulls***."
• (Joel) "It's true, they called him Henry."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "No, I mean, he wrote a seven-hundred page allegorical novel about the whaling industry. I think he was a pretty passionate guy, Joel. I hope they call me Henry when I die, too."
• (Joel) "One can only hope"

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Who's that?"
• (Josh Pais) "It's my stepmom. I don't think there's any pictures of my mom in here. She died two years ago."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Really? I'm sorry."
• (Josh Pais) "My dad remarried last year. That's Francy. You see that unholy abomination on her head? It's a wig."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Is it?"
• (Josh Pais) "She had, like, a nervous breakdown when her first husband divorced her. Lost all her hair. I would feel bad if she wasn't such a status-obsessed witch."

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "I think somebody was trying to write "Satan Lives" on that wall but they spelled it "Satin Lives"."
• (Josh Pais) "One of those textile worshiping cults no doubt."

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Who's Lisa P?"
• (Joel) "That's Lisa P."
• (Joel) "Oh my God, look at the shape of her ass. It's a platonic ideal. That ass is a higher truth. Look, look at that little portal of light, just below her crotch, right where the thigh meets the pudendum."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "The pudendum? Are you pre-med?"
• (Joel) "I'm telling you, man, I've had dreams about that diamond-shape portal."
• (Joel) "Oh s***, she's coming over here, man. Be cool."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Okay, I'll try to hold it together."

• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Okay, we have a winner. It's the purple horse. Uh -- Okay, green's in second, and yellow's third. Congratulations."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Here you go, you can have that."
• (Bill Hader) "Hey, James?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Yeah?"
• (Bill Hader) "Maybe you could, uh, take it up a notch?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Yeah, I know -- Maybe I'm not the right guy to run this game. I really -- I think I should probably be on the rides department."
• (Bill Hader) "Oh, no, no, no. No. You're more of a game guy."
• (Paulette) "Yeah, you're very -- you're very gamey."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay."
• (Bill Hader) "Have you ever seen a horse race before? Have you ever, like, heard one on the radio?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Harness racing or, like, the normal kind?"
• (Paulette) "That's a good question."
• (Bill Hader) "That doesn't really matter. Look, the Kentucky Derby, have you seen the Kentucky Derby? The way they announce it on the radio, and it's really --"
• (Paulette) "Yeah, 100, 200, going --"
• (Bill Hader) "That's an auction, sweetie."
• (Paulette) "Right."

Paige Howard as Sue O'Malley

• (Paige Howard) "He told my parents. We're Catholic. He told my parents that you're Jewish."
• (Joel) "Oh, but I'm an atheist, maybe more of a pragmatic nihilist I guess or an existential pagan if you will --"
• (Paige Howard) "Yeah, yeah um, but my parents are really strict. Sorry."

• (Paige Howard) "You're so strong-ish."
• (Joel) "I'll take that."

Michael Zegen as Rich

• (Michael Zegen) "Park's closed, Em."
• (Josh Pais) "Yeah. Rich, you scared the hell out of us."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Rich, it's me James."
• (Michael Zegen) "Park's closed, James."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Okay. We'll leave soon, okay?"
• (Michael Zegen) "Better leave now. The park's closed."
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Alright. We better leave now."
• (Josh Pais) "Okay, here we go."

• (Michael Zegen) "f*** this weed is good."

Mary Birdsong as Francy

• (Unnamed) "I love what you've done with the house."
• (Mary Birdsong) "Thank you."
• (Josh Pais) "It's clean."
• (Josh Pais) "I thought the house was a lot nicer the way my mum used to have it, it's pretty barfirific if you ask me."
• (Mary Birdsong) "Is that some kind of joke Emily?"
• (Josh Pais) "No, it's not."
• (Mary Birdsong) "I think you own me an apology right now."
• (Josh Pais) "I don't owe you s***."

• (Mary Birdsong) "So, it was a lovely party at the Melnick's and, you know, their daughter Lori is lovely. She said you two used to be best friends."
• (Josh Pais) "She used to sleep over in, like, junior high."
• (Mary Birdsong) "Did you know that she is at law school at Northwestern?"
• (Josh Pais) "Lori Melnick. She once violated our cat Gypsy with a ball point pen."
• (Mary Birdsong) "Alright, Emily. That is enough, young lady."

Bill Hader as Bobby

• (Bill Hader) "Brennan, you been toking up?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "What?"
• (Bill Hader) "You been drinking drugs?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "No."
• (Paulette) "Your eyes are red. Have you been crying?"
• (Jesse Eisenberg) "Yea, maybe like a little bit."

• (Bill Hader) "Hey honey, I'm running out of googly eyes. Do you have any more over there?"
• (Paulette) "Yeah, me too. But I found these."
• (Paulette) "So I have just been sort of."
• (Bill Hader) "Oh."
• (Josh Pais) "Hey."
• (Bill Hader) "Hey Em. What's up?"
• (Josh Pais) "Uh, I quit. See ya."

Ryan Reynolds as Mike Connell

• (Ryan Reynolds) "It's nice when Paulette's got the day off. Put that disco station on."
• (Bill Hader) "Hey, you know, I'm a one-man woman so --"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Huh?"
• (Bill Hader) "Hmm?"

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Hey, James -- you still have anymore of those baby joints?"

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