Absolutely Fabulous: 20th Anniversary Quotes

Absolutely Fabulous: is a TV program that first aired in 2011 on BBC One. Absolutely Fabulous: 20th Anniversary ended its run in 2012.

Absolutely Fabulous: lasted 3 episodes.

Absolutely Fabulous: Quotes

• (Eddie) "Yeah I was gonna' make a-"
• (Eddie) "Testing. Testing. -Yeah I was gonna' make a speech, but I just can't be bothered anymore. I mean, this used to be like fun you know; yeah it used to be fun, but I'm getting bored of all the 'fun' bits now. You know, your endless bloody lunches and launches, you know, no-career celebrities and party desperates. And what for, huh? Some colony of crap tags and mags. Well I'm sorry there has to be a little more than that doesn't there?"
• (Eddie) "Hmmm? You know I had a speech, you know, my -- my integrated-projected-global-tele-network system bloody system-system. But you know, if that's what the worlds coming to I don't want to be in it. No I don't want that. I don't want to be in some sort of cyber-space-hypervirtual bloody reality. I don't want that- exchanging e-mails with some old age bloody hippies with more information at their fingertips than is safe to know about. I don't want that. What kind of reality is that, huh, you know, with a thirteen-amp plug on the end of it? Huh? Huh? -- That can be un-plugged like that? Come-on I'm going."
• (Eddie) "No I'm not going yet. No, you."
• (Eddie) "You, you, just sit there like your velcroed to some bloody add-man. You know those crap-head add-men over there, you know, those kings of bastardization that have just taken everything that was ever real and genuine and honest and original and attached it to a toilet cleaner. Whereas I, I -- Like a bird on a wire -- Like a drunk in a midnight choir -- I have tried in my way to be free."
• (Eddie) "Like a bird, on a wire."
• (Patsy) "Go for it Eddy."
• (Eddie) "-- Like a drunk in a midnight choir. I have tried in my way to be free."
• (Eddie) "Yeah you can laugh, but you know something- I don't want more choice I just want nicer things. And you, you can take that look off your face, sitting there with your -- with your wheels and AIDS and starvation. You know, skimming a neat profit of the whole of human misery. Labeling us all with this- with this global guilt. Well it may not be all great and good but it ain't that bad, so cheer up world it may never bloody happen."
• (Eddie) "Come on I'm going."

• (Patsy) "One whiff of a cocoa bean and our customers would fly like vampires before garlic. Jeremy's must remain a sterile oasis, free from street eaters and coffee carriers. Aseptic and razor-sharp as our customers' hipbones. These women shop for lunch. Labels are their only sustenance. Their skeleton legs in Manolos have worn trenches down the pavement of Sloane Street. Their arm sinews have just enough muscles left in their arm to lift up a credit card."

• (Eddie) "Is champers all right with you, Pats?"
• (Patsy) "Lovely, darling."
• (Eddie) "Should we finish off the beluga or should we have some smoked salmon nibbly things?"
• (Patsy) "Oh, whatever, sweetie."
• (Eddie) "All right, we'll finish off the beluga."

• (Saffie) "I didn't know you still had the shop."
• (Eddie) "Oh, still got it, darling, but it's not doing very well. The supply's dropped off. You know -- India's: had it, been there -- Africa's dried up completely now -- It's ridiculous -- Thank God for Grozny. Honestly. Well, darling, if it wasn't for that lovely little Russian army advancing, thrashing out all those gorgeous little heirlooms in my direction, I don't know what I'd do -- Oh, you should see, darling, in the shop I've got at the moment this fabulous little samovar with a little old woman still attached to it, sweetie. Clinging on for dear life. Having to lure her off with dry bread crumbs so that I could get a decent price --"

• (Eddie) "The word on the old grave marker, the words on your grave marker. What is that?"
• (Patsy) "Oh, your epitomb."
• (Eddie) "Your epitomb. What is it that you want on your epitomb?"
• (Patsy) "I want: "She was fantastic." -- "Patsy was here.""
• (Eddie) "No, darling, you can just have "Patsy Stone"."
• (Patsy) "Oh, Eddy, Eddy. Wait for this. Wait for this: "Eddy: Still no thinner.""
• (Eddie) "These are really funny. We could sell those."

• (Eddie) "Get ready for this, sweetie."

• (Eddie) "What do you see when you look in the mirror, darling?"
• (Patsy) "Me looking fabulous. What do you see?"
• (Eddie) "Yeah -- Just the room."

• (Eddie) "Sweetie."

• (Eddie) "What do you think of the kitchen, Pats?"
• (Patsy) "I think it's fabulous."
• (Saffie) "It isn't done yet."
• (Eddie) "No, sweetie. Maybe she's right. Maybe this IS fabulous."

• (Eddie) "What? This is all my stuff you're using?"
• (Gran) "What, dear?"
• (Eddie) "All this. This wheat powder -- what's -- This."
• (Gran) "Flour, dear?"
• (Eddie) "Flour. Yes. All this is mine, is it? I mean, I am now paying for old people to eat cake."

• (Bubble) "Ooo -- Bear with me, see, I am HOPELESS with names, faces and people."

• (Gran) "You're not eating, Patsy?"
• (Patsy) "No. Liquid lunch for me Mrs M."

• (Eddie) "All right, time for another little drinkie before we go?"
• (Saffie) "Where are you going?"
• (Eddie) "New York."
• (Saffie) "I didn't think they let people with convictions in."
• (Eddie) "Darling, it's not a conviction."
• (Patsy) "Just a firm belief."
• (Eddie) "Yes."

• (Saffie) "You look like a haggis with pointed toes. A tight old bladder skin holding together some rotting offal."

• (Eddie) "I thought I told you to buy a laptop."
• (Bubble) "A lap -- top? Top?"
• (Eddie) "Get rid of it."
• (Bubble) "Oh. But I've grown so fond. And it's SO cute. And -- it's not just for life. It's for Christmas."

• (Patsy) "Take a holiday, darling. South of France."
• (Magda) "I don't do holidays. Everybody's a nobody in a bikini."

• (Gran) "Talking to yourself dear? That's the first sign of madness, you know."
• (Eddie) "Really? I thought it was talking to you."

• (Eddie) "Family? Family? God, I hope you're not inviting that bloody, bollocky, selfish, two-faced, chicken, bastard, pig-dog man are you?"

• (Patsy) "I'm not happy."

• (Eddie) "Patsy hasn't eaten since 1974."
• (Patsy) "There was that crisp."

• (Bubble) "Black matter is dragging us all towards eternal dalmatian -- And before long we will all be cloned and turned into sheep. So, to avoid this fate, I am being picked up by a spaceship that is hidden in the tail of an approaching comet."
• (Bubble) "That'll be them buzzing now."

• (Bubble) "I turned on the, ah, watchamacallit this morning. I want to say telephone. No, that's not right. You look at it."
• (Eddie) "Television?"
• (Bubble) "That's it."

• (Patsy) "I can get you a man."
• (Eddie) "Well, how?"
• (Patsy) "Pay."

• (Eddie) "Ooo, she's so cold, sweetie. I'll just bet she has her period in cubes."

• (Eddie) "La Croix, sweetie, La Croix."

• (Eddie) "They don't matter, do they, darling? -- Awards, Pats?"
• (Patsy) "Oh, Eddy. We've been here before."
• (Eddie) "It's just -- you know -- I WANT one. I don't just want one, darling, I NEED one. My career is on a toboggan run of failure at the moment -- I just need one. It's the only thing that seems to mean ANYthing these days -- I need one now before the menopause drags me into her gaping jaws. Before my creative hormonal oil-well dribbles to a halt. Before my bottom becomes just a patch-work quilt of monkey glands, darling."
• (Saffie) "But, Mom, menopause can be a very exhilarating and positive experience for a woman."
• (Eddie) "Oooh, yes. And the curse is a blessing and childbirth is painless. No. Unless that gaping hole on my mantle piece is filled pretty soon, darling, I might as well -- I might as well lick this light-switch and do us all a favour, darling --"

• (Patsy) "Welcome back, Marshall."

• (Patsy) "You piece of filth."

• (Eddie) "Had two husbands, one was too short, one was gay. Still, sweetie, if you want to know how to peck a dwarf on the cheek as he's walking out of the house to the disco in your dress, then I'm your girl."

• (Patsy) "It's fabulous, darling."

• (Patsy) "Miserable little turnip."

• (Saffie) "My life just flashed before my eyes."
• (Eddie) "What was it like? A Bergman film without the jokes?"

• (Saffie) "I am getting married."
• (Bo) "Hallellujah. Praise the Lord. Let's speak in tongues; boolooloolooloolooloo."

• (Saffie) "I'm sorry, mum, but I've never seen what it is that you actually do."
• (Eddie) "PRrr."
• (Saffie) "Yes, but --"
• (Eddie) "PR. I PR things. People. Places. Concepts --"
• (Patsy) "-- Lulu."
• (Eddie) "Lulu -- I make the fabulous -- I make the crap into credible. I make the dull into --"
• (Patsy) "-- Delicious."

• (Eddie) "Are you MAD?"

• (Eddie) "I want total sensory deprivation and back-up drugs."

• (Eddie) "Let the music lift you up, sweetie."

• (Patsy) "Oh you little BITCH TROLL FROM HELL."

• (Eddie) "I did tell you the facts of life, didn't I, sweetie?"
• (Saffie) "If you mean that time you sat on my bed and shook me awake at two in the morning, stoned out of your brain, and slurred into my ear 'By the way, sweetie, people have it off,' then yes, you told me the facts of life."

• (Patsy) "They want you filleted and splayed on the butcher's block so they can photograph all your organs for "Heat" magazine."

• (Saffie) "Mum, what is the problem? I have my life and you have yours. This is what you wanted."
• (Eddie) "I feel orphaned, you know."
• (Saffie) "What is the matter? Has the deal fallen through?"
• (Eddie) "No the deal. Not the deal. Not that. It's just --"
• (Saffie) "What?"
• (Eddie) "Well, darling, you have just sort of abandoned me in this sort of wilderness of potential greatness and fabulousness, haven't you? All my walls have gone "flop", "flop" -- I'm just like this kind of prisoner that's released -- RELEASED PRISONER, darling, that is walking out into the squinting sun. I mean, you've cast me adrift with no oars."
• (Saffie) "You have oars."
• (Eddie) "I haven't."
• (Saffie) "You have. You're just too lazy and fat to use them."

• (Patsy) "Be careful of wigs."

• (Bubble) "Don't ask me. I for sure don't know."

• (Eddie) "With any luck we'd get Roman Polanski interested in you."
• (Patsy) "She was never young enough for him."

• (Eddie) "I DON'T WANT MORE CHOICE, I JUST WANT NICER THINGS."

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