A Night at the Opera (film) Quotes

A Night at the Opera (film) is a television show that debuted in 1970 . A Night at the Opera ended its run in 1970.

It features Irving Thalberg as producer, Herbert Stothart in charge of musical score, and Merritt B. Gerstad as head of cinematography.

A Night at the Opera (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of A Night at the Opera (film) is 93 minutes long. A Night at the Opera (film) is distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

The cast includes: Groucho Marx as Otis B. Driftwood, Margaret Dumont as Mrs. Claypool, Chico Marx as Fiorello, Robert Emmett O'Connor as Henderson, Walter Woolf King as Lassparri, Sig Ruman as Herbert Gottlieb, Allan Jones as Ricardo, and Kitty Carlisle as Rosa.

A Night at the Opera (film) Quotes

Groucho Marx as Otis B. Driftwood

• (Groucho Marx) "It's none of my business, but I think there's a brace of woodpeckers in the orchestra."

• (Groucho Marx) "Don't you know what duplicates are?"
• (Chico Marx) "Sure, those five kids up in Canada."

• (Groucho Marx) "Do you know America is waiting to hear him sing?"
• (Chico Marx) "Well, he can sing loud, but he can't sing that loud."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, I think I can get America to meet him halfway."

• (Groucho Marx) "Ladies and gentlemen -- I guess that takes in most of you --"

• (Groucho Marx) "I saw Mrs. Claypool first. Of course, her mother really saw her first but there's no point in bringing the Civil War into this."

• (Groucho Marx) "Now, it says, uh, "The party of the second part shall be known in this contract as the party of the second part.""
• (Chico Marx) "Well, I don't know about that --"
• (Groucho Marx) "Now what's the matter?"
• (Chico Marx) "I no like-a the second party, either."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, you should have come to the first party. We didn't get home 'til around four in the morning. I was blind for three days."

• (Groucho Marx) "Let me see that -- 9 dollars and 40 cents? This is an outrage."
• (Groucho Marx) "If I were you I wouldn't pay it."

• (Groucho Marx) "That woman? Do you know why I sat with her? Because she reminded me of you."
• (Margaret Dumont) "Really?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Of course, that's why I'm sitting here with you. Because you remind me of you. Your eyes, your throat, your lips. Everything about you reminds me of you. Except you. How do you account for that? If she figures that one out, she's good."

• (Groucho Marx) "You're willing to pay him a thousand dollars a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of Minnie the Moocher for 75 cents. And for a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie."

• (Unnamed) "Did you want a manicure?"
• (Groucho Marx) "No, come on in."

• (Groucho Marx) "It's all right, that's in every contract. That's what they call a sanity clause."
• (Chico Marx) "You can't fool me. There ain't no Santay Claus."

• (Groucho Marx) "Now pay particular attention to this first clause because it's most important. It says the, uh -- "The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part." How do you like that? That's pretty neat, eh?"
• (Chico Marx) "No, that's no good."
• (Groucho Marx) "What's the matter with it?"
• (Chico Marx) "I dunno. Let's hear it again."
• (Groucho Marx) "It says the, uh -- "The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part.""
• (Chico Marx) "That sounds a little better this time."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, it grows on you. Would you like to hear it once more?"
• (Chico Marx) "Er -- just the first part."
• (Groucho Marx) "What do you mean? The -- the party of the first part?"
• (Chico Marx) "No, the first part of the party of the first part."
• (Groucho Marx) "All right. It says the, uh, "The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract -- " look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?"

• (Groucho Marx) "Wouldn't it be simpler if you just had him stuffed?"
• (Chico Marx) "He's no olive."

• (Groucho Marx) "Now, uh, here are the contracts. You just put his name at the top and, uh, you sign his name at the bottom."
• (Groucho Marx) "There's no need of you reading that, because these are duplicates."
• (Chico Marx) "Yeah, duplicates. Duplicates, eh?"
• (Groucho Marx) "I say, they're duplicates."
• (Chico Marx) "Oh sure, is a duplicate."
• (Groucho Marx) "Don't you know what duplicates are?"
• (Chico Marx) "Sure, those five kids up in Canada."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, I wouldn't know about that; I haven't been in Canada in years. Well, go ahead and read it."
• (Chico Marx) "What does it say?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, go on and read it."
• (Chico Marx) "All right, you read it to me."
• (Groucho Marx) "All right, I'll read it to you. Can you hear?"
• (Chico Marx) "I haven't heard anything yet. You say anything?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, I haven't said anything worth hearing."
• (Chico Marx) "Well, that's why I didn't hear anything."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, that's why I didn't say anything."

• (Groucho Marx) "It is my imagination, or is it getting crowded in here?"

• (Engineer's Assistant) "I'm the engineer's assistant."
• (Groucho Marx) "You know I had a premonition you were going to show up. The engineer's right there in the corner. You can chop your way right through."

• (Groucho Marx) "Could he sail tomorrow?"
• (Chico Marx) "You pay him enough money, he could sail yesterday."

• (Groucho Marx) "Was that a high C, or Vitamin D?"

• (Groucho Marx) "Have you got any milk-fed chickens?"
• (Unnamed) "Yes, sir."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, squeeze the milk out of one and bring me a glass."

• (Groucho Marx) "You see that spaghetti? Now, behind that spaghetti is none other than Herman Gottlieb, director of the New York Opera Company. Do you follow me?"
• (Margaret Dumont) "Yes."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well stop following me or I'll have you arrested."

• (Groucho Marx) "Say, I just remembered, I came back here looking for somebody. You don't know who it is, do you?"
• (Chico Marx) "It's a funny thing, it just slipped my mind."

• (Groucho Marx) "All right, I'll read it to you. Can you hear?"
• (Chico Marx) "I haven't heard anything yet. Did you say anything?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, I haven't said anything worth hearing."
• (Chico Marx) "Well, that's-a why I didn't hear anything."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, that's why I didn't say anything."

• (Groucho Marx) "Let's go in my room and talk the situation over."
• (Margaret Dumont) "What situation?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, er -- what situations have you got?"
• (Margaret Dumont) "I most certainly will not go to your room."
• (Groucho Marx) "OK, then I'll stay here."
• (Margaret Dumont) "All right, all right, all right. I'll come, but get out."
• (Groucho Marx) "Shall we say, uh, ten minutes?"
• (Margaret Dumont) "Yes, ten minutes, anything. But go."
• (Groucho Marx) "Because if you're not there in ten minutes, I'll be back here in eleven. With squeaky shoes on."

• (Groucho Marx) "You didn't happen to see my suit in there, did you?"
• (Chico Marx) "Yeah, it was taking up too much room, so we sold it."
• (Groucho Marx) "Did you get anything for it?"
• (Chico Marx) "Uh -- dollar forty."
• (Groucho Marx) "That's my suit all right."

• (Groucho Marx) "Do they allow tipping on the boat?"
• (Steward) "Yes, sir."
• (Groucho Marx) "Have you got two fives?"
• (Steward) "Yes, sir."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, then you won't need the ten cents I was gonna give you."

• (Groucho Marx) "Now we're getting somewhere."

• (Groucho Marx) "And now, on with the opera. Let joy be unconfined. Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor."

• (Groucho Marx) "Hello toots."
• (Margaret Dumont) "Well. What are you doing here? This is Mr. Gottlieb's box."
• (Groucho Marx) "He couldn't come, so he gave me his ticket. He couldn't get dressed, so he gave me his clothes."

• (Groucho Marx) "That's the fire escape. And, uh -- that's a table, and this is a room, and there's the door leading out, and I wish you'd use it, I -- I vant to be alone."
• (Robert Emmett O'Connor) "You'll be alone when I throw you in jail."
• (Groucho Marx) "Isn't there a song like that, Henderson?"

• (Unnamed) "Did you want your nails long or short?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Better make them short. It's getting pretty crowded in here."

• (Groucho Marx) "I have here an accident policy that will absolutely protect you no matter what happens. If you lose a leg, we'll help you look for it."

• (Groucho Marx) "Hey you. I told you to slow that nag down. On account of you I almost heard the opera."

• (Groucho Marx) "And eight pieces of French pasty."
• (Chico Marx) "With two hard-boiled eggs."
• (Groucho Marx) "And two hard-boiled eggs."
• (Groucho Marx) "Make that three hard-boiled eggs."

• (Groucho Marx) "Two beers, bartender."
• (Chico Marx) "I'll take two beers, too."

• (Groucho Marx) "Boogie, boogie, boogie. How would you like to feel the way she looks?"

• (Groucho Marx) "Hey, have I got time to go back and pay my hotel bill?"
• (Ship Captain) "Sorry, too late."
• (Groucho Marx) "That suits me fine."

Walter Woolf King as Lassparri

• (Walter Woolf King) "Never in my life have I received such treatment. They threw an apple at me."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, watermelons are out of season."

• (Walter Woolf King) "What do you mean by humiliating me in front of all of those people? You're fired. Do you understand? You're fired."
• (Groucho Marx) "Hey, you big bully. What's the idea of hitting that little bully?"
• (Walter Woolf King) "Will you kindly let me handle my own affairs? Get out."

Chico Marx as Fiorello

• (Chico Marx) "Friends."
• (Groucho Marx) "Go fast. I can see a man with a rope out there."
• (Chico Marx) "How we happen to come to America is a great story, but I no tell that."

• (Chico Marx) "You got some mail for me?"
• (Unnamed) "Mail for you? You don't work here."
• (Chico Marx) "Well where am I gonna get my mail? I no work anyplace."

• (Chico Marx) "What'll I say?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Tell them you're not here."
• (Chico Marx) "Suppose they don't believe me?"
• (Groucho Marx) "They'll believe you when you start talking."

• (Chico Marx) "Ricardo, how do you feel?"
• (Allan Jones) "After a meal like that great. I could sing my head off. Cosi-Cosa. It's a wonderful word tra-la-la-la."

• (Chico Marx) "So now I tell you how we fly to America. The first time we started we got-a half way there when we run out a gasoline, and we gotta go back. Then I take-a twice as much gasoline. This time we're just about to land, maybe three feet, when what do you think: we run out of gasoline again. And-a back-a we go again to get-a more gas. This time I take-a plenty gas. Well, we get-a half way over, when what do you think happens: we forgot-a the airplane. So, we gotta sit down and we talk it over. Then I get-a the great idea. We no take-a gasoline, we no take-a the airplane. We take steamship, and that, friends, is how we fly across the ocean."

• (Chico Marx) "Wait a minute. Before he sings, you gotta sign a contract. And I get 10 percent."
• (Groucho Marx) "And I get 10 percent too."

• (Chico Marx) "Can you read?"
• (Groucho Marx) "I can read, but I can't see it."
• (Groucho Marx) "Don't seem to have it in focus here -- If my arms were a little longer, I could read it. You haven't got a baboon in your pocket, have you? Here, here, here we are, now I've got it. Now pay particular attention to this first clause, because it's most important. It says:"The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part." How do you like that? That's pretty neat, eh?"
• (Chico Marx) "No, that's no good."
• (Groucho Marx) "What's the matter with it?"
• (Chico Marx) "I don't know. Let's hear it again."
• (Groucho Marx) "It says "The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part.""
• (Chico Marx) "Well, it sounds a little better this time."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, it grows on you. Would you like to hear it once more?"
• (Chico Marx) "Well, just the first part."
• (Groucho Marx) "What do you mean, "The party of the first part"?"
• (Chico Marx) "No: the first part of "the party of the first part"."
• (Groucho Marx) "All right, it says: "The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract -- " Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?"
• (Chico Marx) "Yeah, it's-a too long, anyhow. Now what do we got left?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, I've got about a foot-and-a-half. Now it says here: "The party of the second part shall be known in this contract as the party of the second part.""
• (Chico Marx) "Well, I don't know about that."
• (Groucho Marx) "Now what's the matter?"
• (Chico Marx) "I no like-a the second party, either."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, you should have come to the first party. We didn't get home 'til around 4:00 in the morning. I was blind for three days."
• (Chico Marx) "Hey look: Why can't the first part of the second party be the second part of the first party? Then you got something."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, look, uh -- rather than go through all that again, what do you say?"
• (Chico Marx) "Fine."

• (Chico Marx) "I give this to Riccardo."
• (Sig Ruman) "-- sensation in New York."
• (Sig Ruman) "Pardon me, could you tell me where Signor Lassparri is?"
• (Chico Marx) "Sure, there's Lassparri,"
• (Sig Ruman) "Lassparri."
• (Groucho Marx) "Lassparri? Then whom did I sign?"
• (Chico Marx) "You signed Riccardo Baroni, that's-a my man."
• (Sig Ruman) "Signor Lassparri, what happened? Speak to me, it's me, it's Gottlieb. Speak to me, it's me, it's Gottlieb."
• (Sig Ruman) "Oh, what is this now?"
• (Groucho Marx) "How early the fruit is falling this season."

Sig Ruman as Herbert Gottlieb

• (Sig Ruman) "All of New York will be under your feet."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, there's plenty of room."

Robert Emmett O'Connor as Henderson

• (Robert Emmett O'Connor) "Say. Now, how did those two beds get together?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, you know how those things are, they breed like rabbits."

• (Robert Emmett O'Connor) "What is that bed doing there?"
• (Groucho Marx) "I don't see it doing anything."

• (Robert Emmett O'Connor) "Hey, who were you talking to?"
• (Groucho Marx) "I was talking to myself, and there's nothing you can do about it. I've had three of the best doctors in the East."

• (Robert Emmett O'Connor) "You live here all alone?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Yes. Just me and my memories. I'm practically a hermit."
• (Robert Emmett O'Connor) "Oh. A hermit. I notice the table's set for four."
• (Groucho Marx) "That's nothing; my alarm clock is set for eight. That doesn't prove a thing."

• (Robert Emmett O'Connor) "The last time I was in this room there were four beds here."
• (Groucho Marx) "Please. I'm not interested in your private life, Henderson."

• (Robert Emmett O'Connor) "What's a hermit doing with four beds?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, you see those first three beds?"
• (Robert Emmett O'Connor) "Yes."
• (Groucho Marx) "Last night, I counted five thousand sheep in those three beds, so I had to have another bed to sleep in. You wouldn't want me to sleep with the sheep, would you?"

Margaret Dumont as Mrs. Claypool

• (Unnamed) "The gentleman has not arrived yet?"
• (Margaret Dumont) "No, he has not."
• (Unnamed) "I'm afraid the dinner will be spoiled."
• (Groucho Marx) "What difference does it make? It's too late to dine now."
• (Groucho Marx) "Oh, boy?"
• (Unnamed) "Yes, ma'am?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Will you page Mr. Otis B. Driftwood, please? Mister Otis B. Driftwood."
• (Unnamed) "Paging Mr. Driftwood. Mr. Driftwood."
• (Unnamed) "Mr. Driftwood. Mr. Driftwood."
• (Groucho Marx) "Boy, would you do me a favor and stop yelling my name all over this restaurant? Do I go around yelling your name?"
• (Margaret Dumont) "Mr. Driftwood."
• (Groucho Marx) "Say, is your voice changing, or is somebody else paging me around here?"
• (Margaret Dumont) "Mr. Driftwood."
• (Groucho Marx) "Why, Mrs. Claypool, hello."
• (Margaret Dumont) "Mr. Driftwood, you invited me to dine with you at 7:00; it is now 8:00 and no dinner."
• (Groucho Marx) "What do you mean, no dinner? I just had one of the biggest meals I ever had in my life,and no thanks to you, either."
• (Margaret Dumont) "I've been sitting right here since 7:00."
• (Groucho Marx) "Yes, with your back to me. When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face; that's the price she has to pay."

• (Margaret Dumont) "If you had any real feeling for me you'd stop associating with the kind of riffraff I've seen you going around with."
• (Groucho Marx) "You mean Gottlieb?"
• (Margaret Dumont) "I mean those two uncouth men I saw you around the opera house with. I'm very grateful they're not on board the boat."
• (Groucho Marx) "Why, have they slipped off?"
• (Margaret Dumont) "Sit down."

Allan Jones as Ricardo

• (Allan Jones) "And what was it you wanted to see me about?"
• (Kitty Carlisle) "I suppose I sent for you?"
• (Allan Jones) "Well you meant to. Didn't she, Marie?"

• (Allan Jones) "But I will still remember the happiness we've known."

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