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Funny Quotes From M*A*S*H - Page 2

[Everyone has just come out of a long OR session]
Margaret Houlihan: [angrily] You're dismissed.
Hawkeye Pierce: Thanks, Mother. We've gotta get up early, anyway, and fix MacArthur's hernia.
Henry: Radar, do you know what kind of wood this is?
Radar: Oak, sir?
Henry: Nope - it's oak.
General Barker: Nurse, is everyone in this outfit crazy?
Nurse: Everybody who's sane is, sir.
Henry: This is the army! No one can do the best they can!
Frank: I assure you, all goldbricking that went on here under Colonel Blake is going to stop. Under my command, life is going to be a different kettle of fish.
Radar: Are you sure your in the right branch of the service Sir?
Hawkeye: Edwina, may I kiss you?
Edwina: Is your mouth insured?
Margaret: You're drunk!
Henry: [slurring] That's a dirty lie. And I intend to press charges. The minute I'm sober.
Frank: I'll write you every day--faithfully.
Margaret: You promise?
Frank: Just like I do my wife.
Frank: Are you going over my head?
Hawkeye: No, just through the hole in it.
Hawkeye: You're out of uniform!
Nurse: Where?
Hawkeye: How about my tent in five minutes?
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