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Funny Quotes From History of the World: Part I

History of the World: Part I, actually, there is no part II, which is a reason why the title is funny. Anyway, this is a Mel Brooks film. It's hilarious, exactly like every other Brooks' film. He's truly a mastermind. This movie basically starts at the beginning of time and works its way up until present day. It shows the Romans, Greeks, Middle Ages, etc. It's fantastic and has many lines which will make you laugh.

Below you'll find some great humorous quotes from History of the World: Part I.

A quote from History of the World: Part I.
Comicus: The Christians are so poor...
Swiftus: How poor are they?
Comicus: Thank you. They are so poor... That they only have one God.
[drumbeat, everyone laughs]
Comicus: But we Romans are rich. We've got a lot of gods. We've got a god for everything. The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that's coming quickly.
Moses: The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen...
[drops one of the tablets]
Moses: Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!
Josephus: [pouring the Empress some wine] Say when.
Empress Nympho: [she looks him up and down] 8:30.
Mademoiselle Rimbaud: Your majesty, I was raised in a convent. I do not indulge in the pleasures of the flesh.
King Louis XVI: What do you mean you don't do it? Of course you do it. We all do it. We love to do it. I just did it and I'm ready to do it again. Don't tell you don't do it.
Judas: No. No. Leave us alone!
Comicus: All right, all right! Jesus!
Jesus: Yes.
Comicus: What?
Jesus: What?
Comicus: What?
Jesus: Yes.
Comicus: Jesus!
Jesus: Yes.
Comicus: What?
Jesus: What?
Comicus: You said what.
Jesus: Yes.
Comicus: Nothing.
Narrator: And of course, with the birth of the artist came the inevitable afterbirth - the critic.
Empress Nympho: Virgins, put on your "no entry" signs! We are about to confront... guys!
Oedipus: [walking around collecting donations] Give to Oedipus! Give to Oedipus! Hey Josephus!
Josephus: Hey, motherfucker!
Jacques: Don't cry, my dear. I may not have been born a king, I may not have lived like a king. But at least I can die like a king.
[He strides to the guillotine with dignity]
Executioner: Your Majesty, do you require a blindfold?
Jacques: None.
Executioner: Have you any last request?
Jacques: None.
Executioner: Test the guillotine!
[Another executioner triggers the guillotine; the blade comes down and chops the head off a wooden dummy]
Jacques: *Holy shit!* Uh, wait! Wait! Last request, I have a last request!
Executioner: What is your last request?
Jacques: Uh, novocaine.
[the executioners confer]
Executioner: There's no such thing known to medical science!
Jacques: I'll wait!
Auctioneer: Where are you from?
Josephus: Ethiopia
Auctioneer: What part?
Josephus: 125th Street.
More Mel Brooks Movie Quotes:
Blazing Saddles
Men in Tights
Young Frankenstein
More funny movie quotes