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124 Greatest Simpsons Quotations - Page 2

25. Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird," and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?
26. Chief Wiggum: Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city!
27. Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.
28. Homer: Bart, with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
29. Homer: You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity.
30. Smithers: Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns, Boo-urns."
31. Hans Moleman: I was saying "Boo-urns."
32. Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
33. Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of - and solution to - all life's problems.
34. Homer: "Could God microwave a burrito so hot that He Himself could not eat it?" Ned Flanders: (perplexed, cannot answer.)
35. Chief Wiggum: I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
36. Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
37. Homer: Save me, Jeebus.
38. Duffman: Duffman can't breathe! OH NO!
39. Grandpa Simpson: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
40. Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
41. Troy McClure: Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Some Confidence, Stupid!"
42. Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds...it makes ice.
43. Homer: Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
44. Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
45. Mr. Burns: I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
46. Kent Brockman: …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
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