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Funny Quotations from The Andy Griffith Show

"The Andy Griffith Show" is a television sitcom that aired from October 3, 1960 to April 1, 1968 totalling 249 episodes over eight seasons. The series follows the life of Andy Griffith, a widowed sheriff of a small fictional community of Mayberry, North Carolina. As well, the story follows Andy's deputy, Barney Fife, his aunt and housekeeper, Aunt Bee, and his son, Opie. The series was well received and won numerous awards throughout its production. The TV Guide ranks "The Andy Griffith Show" as one of the top 10 shows of all time. There have been numerous spin-offs from the series, including Gomer Pyle, USMC and Mayberry RFD.

Below you'll find some humorous quotes from "The Andy Griffith Show".


Barney Fife: Man, we really packed it away, didn't we?
Andy Taylor: Yeah, boy.
Barney Fife: Fortunately, none of mine goes to fat. All goes to muscle.
Andy Taylor: Does, huh?
Barney Fife: It's a mark of us Fifes. Everything we eat goes to muscle.
[pats tummy]
Barney Fife: See there?
Barney Fife: Well, today's eight-year-olds are tomorrow's teenagers. I say this calls for action and now. Nip it in the bud. First sign of youngsters going wrong, you've got to nip it in the bud.
Andy Taylor: I'm going to have a talk with them. What else do you want me to do?
Barney Fife: Well, don't just mollycoddle them.
Andy Taylor: I won't.
Barney Fife: Nip it. You go read any book you ant on the subject of child discipline and you'll find every one of them is in favor of bud-nipping.
Barney Fife: If there's anything that upsets me, it's having people say I'm sensitive.
Andy Taylor: What are you doing?
Barney Fife: Gun-drawing practice, ten minutes every day. If I ever have to use this baby, I want to teach it to come to papa in a hurry.
Andy Taylor: When a man carries a gun all the time, the respect he thinks he's getting might really be fear. So I don't carry a gun because I don't want the people of Mayberry to fear a gun. I'd rather they respect me.
Otis Campbell: Every man needs a hobby.
Barney Fife: But, Otis; you ain't got a hobby!
Otis Campbell: I do have a hobby; drinkin'!
Andy Taylor: Opie! Time to come in, son.
Opie Taylor: Aw Pa, just a little while longer... please?
Andy Taylor: Well, OK.
[to Barney]
Andy Taylor: Daylight's precious when your a youngen'.
Andy Taylor: Well, I caught him earlier on a 10-17.
Barney Fife: Hat in a horse trough?
Andy Taylor: Yeah.
Barney Fife: Boy, giraffes are selfish.
Briscoe Darling: [Aunt Bee has hit Briscoe with a spoon] Ow! What'd you do that for?
Aunt Bee Taylor: No elbows on the table.
Briscoe Darling: [to Andy] That ain't fair; her hittin' first and explainin' the rules after.
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