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Funny Quotations from How I Met Your Mother

"How I Met Your Mother" is a television sitcom about Ted Mosby and how he met the mother of his children. The series usually begins each episode in the future with Ted telling a story to his children. The story goes into a flashback to present day (or close to it) where Ted spends time with his friends on his quest to finding someone to marry.

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"How I Met Your Mother" is an instant classic. It has many great lines and quotations. Read some of these great hilarious quotes below.


Barney Stinson: Marshall Eriksen, suit up!
Marshall Eriksen: You said being single would be like a candy store.
Barney Stinson: I lied. Being single is like a post-apocalyptic wasteland where it's every man for himself. After nine years of captivity, that is my greatest lesson to you.
Ted: Five bucks says she still wants Marshall.
Robin Scherbatsky: You're on.
Ted: Five *American* bucks.
Robin Scherbatsky: Dammit!
Barney: I'm telling you, you should use the architect angle with the ladies...
Ted: First of all, I have a girlfriend. Second, the architect angle doesn't even work on her. And third, I can't imagine that working on anyone, ever.
Barney: That's 'cause you're always like,
[in a mopey, loser-ish voice]
Barney: 'Ted Mosby, architect'.
Robin Scherbatsky: Do you know how many times I could've cheated on him? Six... no, seven. And you know two of them, and they would surprise you.
Barney Stinson: The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her prey. You're watching them bounce, she's about to pounce.
Barney Stinson: C-? What are you talking about? I pulled an all-nighter.
Professor Lewis: You didn't budget your time well. You glossed over some of the most important points. And your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive.
Registrar: You are aware that this is not Las Vegas.
Robin Scherbatsky: Tell me about it. In Vegas casinos pump in oxygen. Here, most guests bring their own.
Barney Stinson: Ah, AC. Always in decline, never hitting bottom. It's good to be back, old friend.
Ted Mosby: [Seeing Robin eat cereal] That looks good. I'll have some of that.
Robin Scherbatsky: Sorry. No milk.
Ted Mosby: But I just saw a carton of milk in the fridge yesterday.
Robin Scherbatsky: It's empty.
Ted Mosby: Then throw it away.
Robin Scherbatsky: Can't. Trashcan's full.
Ted Mosby: So empty the trash.
Robin Scherbatsky: I would, but I'm eating cereal.
More TV show quotes
Next: I Love Lucy
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