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Quotations from Californication

"Californication" airs on Showtime and stars David Duchovny as a troubled novelst that moves to California and suffers from writer's block and personal demons. The novelist has a problem saying "no" to bad habits, but still attempts to be a good family man. The series began on August 13, 2007.

The show has been nominated for several awards, including Emmy and Golden Globe nominations. "Californication" will last a total of six seasons. The quotes below contain graphic language.


Hank Moody: [looking in bathroom mirror] Nobody likes you, you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you fucking douche.
Hank Moody: What the fuck is that?
Bill Lewis: Oh, you like it? I could have bought a car instead.
Hank Moody: I think you should still buy the car and then run over whoever created that turd.
Hank Moody: Well, your breasts are obviously real... and... eh... you have an abundance of pubic hair, which is really nice and... eh... there's no evidence of vaginal rejuvenation. I'd say, aside from the fact that you worship a space alien, you just might be the most beautiful woman I've seen in a long, long time.
Hank Moody: [Charlie hugs Hank] Oh, big boy... are you crying?
Charlie Rumkle: A little.
Hank Moody: Jesus Christ.
Meredith: My baby.
Hank Moody: You have a baby with married guy? Holy fuck!
Meredith: No, my dog, Cat Stevens.
Hank Moody: You have a dog named Cat Stevens? Holy fuck!
Karen: What would you do if our little spawn actually became, like, a rock star?
Hank Moody: I would be really proud of her.
Karen: You would?
Hank Moody: And I would be there to help pump her stomach when she OD'd.
Hank Moody: What is your name, by the way?
Venice Beach Girl: Wouldn't you rather just fuck me and never know?
Hank Moody: Oh, fuck. Who says romance is dead?
Chloe Metz: Fuck me like I'm Al-Qaeda!
Hank Moody: I'm declaring Jihad on your pussy.
Charlie Runkle: Hank Moody. Ronny Praeger, the very gifted auteur behind Vaginatown.
Hank Moody: Oh, I'm honored, I'm a big fan. What is next for you? A Cockwork Orange or perhaps Twenty-sixty-nine: A Sit On My Face Odyssey?
Hank Moody: [explaining life to Lew] There is no life without love. None worth having anyway.
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