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Funny Quotations from MASH

MASH is a comedy-drama war film about a mobile army surgical hospital during the Korean War. Of course, due to its release date, it is really about the Vietnam War. The film follows the use of humor and other hijinks in order to keep the sanity during the horrors of war. Directed by Robert Altman. Starring Donald Sutherland, Elliott Gould, Tom Skerritt, Sally Kellerman, and Robert Duvall.

MASH was such a success as a film that it inspired one of the most popular television series in history, M*A*S*H. Read some humorous quotes from the movie below.


Hotlips O'Houlihan: I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of authority in the Army Medical Corps.
Father Mulcahy: He was drafted.
Colonel Blake: Hawkeye Pierce? I got a twix from headquarters about you... says you stole a jeep.
Hawkeye Pierce: No sir, no, I didn't steal it. No, it's right outside.
Hotlips O'Houlihan: Oh my God! They've shot him.
Colonel Blake: Hot Lips, you incredible nincompoop. It's the end of the quarter.
Colonel Blake: We have our slight periods here, but when the action starts, you'll get more work in 12 hours than a civili...
Hawkeye Pierce: How many nurses do we have on the base, sir?
Colonel Blake: Seventeen.
Hawkeye Pierce: How many will be on my...?
Colonel Blake: Four... than a civilian surgeon has in a month.
Hawkeye Pierce: Someone get that dirty old man out of this operating theater.
Colonel Blake: Get everything out of the Jeep...
Radar: Don't worry about the Jeep. I'll change the numbers.
Colonel Blake: ...Oh, and change the numbers on that Jeep.
Colonel Blake: [to Spearchucker Jones at the football practice] I had another idea. I think we should have some plays. You know, usually in football you have some organized plays.
Spearchucker: I took the liberty.
Colonel Blake: Oh, you have...
Spearchucker: I drew up about seven or eight plays. I figure that's about all this bunch can handle.
Colonel Blake: Oh, these are good. These are very good. Uh, what are these little arrows here?
P.A. Announcer: Attention. Attention. Friday night's movie will be The Glory Brigade. Rock'em sock'em kisses you never got. It's Uncle Sam's combat engineers charging side by side with Greek hand bags. Showing the world a new way to fight as they use bulldozers like bazookas, bayonnets like bazook - bullets. Starring Victor Mature. That is all.
Hawkeye Pierce: It's a good thing you have a nice body, nurse, otherwise they'd get rid of you quick.
Hotlips O'Houlihan: This isn't a hospital. It's an insane asylum. And it's your fault.
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