Simplistic Pain

very good.

nice i like it but theres always someone who understands what your going through... i learned that the hard way

that is really good. the ryhmes are perfect. but i though it was funny that the first thing i saw when i looked at your poem was razor. lol anyway, the only thing is that i dont really understand the last line. other than that this poem is great. nice use of words and you made a very good mental image. i hope this comment helped at all. =P

Well, I wouldn't usually respond to a poem like this, because they tend to hit close to home, but since you asked for feedback, I'll see if I can help.

In the first line you might want to lose the comma.

In the second line you can remove the added syllables of the first "so". Then you might want to change "a knife" to "the knife".

While the wording of the third line might be what you feel, therapeutic is spelled wrong, but besides that, it's just to strange a word in the context of them poem. Also, I would consider changing the word razor to 'blade' because then it fits in with 'knife' earlier on.

In line four, I think you meant comfort(s). In general though, I don't really understand the line. I know what you were trying to say, but if you read it out loud, it doesn't really make any sense. I would suggest scratching the line completely, and writing something else in it's place.

In line five it looks like you're trying to say you're surrounded by people, but alone, and while I like how 'edge of it all' connects with knife or razor, it really doesn't connect with the first half of the line. You might consider reworking either the beginning or the end of the line.

Line six has some tense issues. Pain is overwhelming, but to the ground you 'will' fall. You might consider changing it to 'The pain overwhelms and to the ground I fall'.

While the last two lines work, they feel a bit forced. I really like what they're trying to say, but I wonder if you might play around with them and try and tighten up their flow.

I think the poem is a good start, and with a little more work, could be very good.

Also, I'm sorry in advance if I tried to help too much.

have i read this one?
it sounds familiar.
but i don't know.
it's amazing.
i love it

its great!
i can relate to this alot...
keep it up!

hmm...it's...different.....i like it, but i think i like your other way of writing better, it's a little easier to understand...but this isn't bad for a start on rhyming!....keep it up!...</3 angel

u may think that ur pain will never get better but one day it will. just let god be there for u. he will take care of u. he only says one of the three things no, yes, or wait. if its no then there is good reason. good poem but truly sad u feel the way u do.