Angel Eyes

interesting. nice poem.

This is somewhat interesting, but it's far too ambiguous or the diction needs to be improved enough in order to actually communicate something to the reader. Punctuation might also help this because you'd need to guide in how to read the poem as well as communicating a message. Punctuation does as much for a poem as the actual words that are used do. Some parts of the poem just deviate from the actual progress of the poem and seem to not make any sense at all: for example, "That the one and only/Bet you've never felt that lonely"- from "Bet.." that line seems to be a personal comment from you and it distracts the reader from what the poem is saying. It seems to not provide any sort of significance to the poem besides just keeping with the rhyme, and a poem doesn't need to have an aabb rhyme to be considered a poem anyway, so there are other ways to use rhyme. Also, I understand that this poem is short, but it could be far longer than it currently is. You need to elaborate on the metaphors you use in the poem, or simple diction. Like.. WHAT are these 'angel eyes'? How will some sound "make things right", if you're speaking about seeing 'angel eyes' in the first place? The concept here is interesting, but this poem does call for being pulled back, revised, and elaborated on. You're not limited to any specific number of words or lines, so let the ideas flow, but connect them appropriately to give meaning to the poem.