And I spell my name: d-e·c-e-i-v·e-r

It is torture but I grit my teeth and bare it . I lie to their faces daily, knowing I will ultimately pay the price. Covering my faults with false attributes and it fools them all; the ones who care for me, the ones who don’t, the ones who barely know me, and the ones who believe they do. In truth, the only one that knows the essence of my soul, is the one who will enforce my punishment when I reach the gates of heaven. I know the way to freedom. It is so close, so real, that I could grasp it in the palm of my hand. And yet I lack the courage to stretch my trembling arm out to clasp it. I can not shatter their image of me, so pure and so sweet. If I did so I would surely never regain their trust, their respect, predominantly; their love. To be hated is one of my greatest fears and in order to atone for my matchless sin I must suffer through it. But then again, I suffer every second that I keep this secret buried within me. So badly I want to cry and scream it out! Even as I end this writing, which was intended to inspire release, I’d still rather carry the weight of this burden, crushing the life from my body, than destroy their pedestal on which I sit, which in turn would demolish their hearts.

by czimblonde626
posted on 04/08/2008