The Only Happy Poem

its not the only happy poem *really bad fake puppy face*

actually. this is really good. and honestly, i didnt think you had it in you. i thought you could only rhyme words with fuck and blood lol.
i'm so proud =} my little boy all grown up and happy <3

Okay, well, I'm going to take an old comment of mine and apply it to this: this could be expanded on. The poem is highly linear and doesn't seem to have much to it considering layers, but elaboration of just what you mean with the things you say is called for in some parts- particularly in the final two lines. The final two lines of the poem do not seem to transition well from the rest of it- it's as if you added them in simply to sustain the rhyme without it having any real meaning besides just what it means by reading the poem linearly; the final two lines are weak in comparison to the rest of the poem. As for the rest of the poem, however, can be much more than it is- particularly the beginning, the start-off is fairly nice in painting a vivid image. My only issue is, however, that you wrote this poem to be cheerful, but for other people. You really shouldn't write for anyone but yourself, and not about anything but the things that you actually think, feel, and believe sincerely; otherwise the poem won't be anywhere nearly as effective as it could, which I think is the case with this one. Write your own thoughts/emotions/beliefs, but write in such a way as if someone else would read whatever you write, so the message in the poem nicely communicates to the reader. That's all I can say.

very good poem but tearsofrain is right. but such a wonderful poem

wow really beautiful poem....

Nice job .

Dude, jay, whos that quies person?

harsh comment.


I need points, so i came to you, because your writing is pretty much the only stuff i can read and connect with, aside from peter. And im glad i did, because this poem was incredible. Nice job, and you really should write more like this, it will make you feel good about yourself.

That really is one of the first bouts of happiness I've heard from you...