The life of hell

aww.. wow. i love it!! keep writing

If you ever planned to make that into a song with a bit of editting, people will admire you.

The sentiments are there - kind of - and the poem seems legitimate. There is a misspelling: "deceive". Also, you should consider using apostrophes when appropriate. For example, you already use it for "you've/you're" but "there's" also requires an apostrophe... unless there's a reason you're excluding it for that word for some sort of effect. The main setback for this poem is that it's very haphazard and redundant. For example, it seems as if you mention falling into a "black pit" suddenly and with no connection to anything else you're saying - it makes the poem lose legitimacy because it seems as if you just include the word 'pit' to make your poem continue rhyming rather than having any real, cohesive thought to what you're saying. Also, you repeat something about it 'being her' throughout the poem over and over again, to the point where the idea gets redundant and boring. It's fine to mention it once or twice, or thrice if you feel it to need so much emphasis, but after that it gets to be just too much. Like, in the last stanza, you say "she's the one who had the cure..." and then "it was her". The last "it was her" is completely unnecessary because you already mention that she was the one IN THE SAME STANZA. Reiterating the point or idea is one thing, but simply repeating yourself for the sake of rhyming in a poem makes you look as if you really had no idea what you were trying to write, or had no true emotion when you wrote this, which then makes the poem seem nonsensical and not legitimate in what it says. I don't know how this would fare as a song, but the beat of the song would need to be REALLY good to distract from the redundancy of the lyrics - so I don't know how many people would actually admire you. Interest as a poem nonetheless, though.

mm i love this guy so much im going to make a poem just for him haha it ownz for you kid so yea your not going to like what i make...

I won't like it? I usually like all poetry regardless of the quality because I appreciate the sentiments in it, but we'll see. Go ahead, I'm eager to see it and give an honest critique. I'll be waiting.

you guys are pathetic..btw..this is meltedsnowman..just under a diff profile add me pls..and i liked the poem