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This Summer
Laying awake through starlit nights,
Oh what a scene of serenity this summer shows.
Warm air and laughter quell any fights,
As the bliss and love of summer flows.
But this year it's different somehow,
Even if this seems to be every summer's theme.
It seems to me, that right now,
I don’t need sleep to find my dreams.
by EhWell
posted on 06/24/2009
Oh what a scene of serenity this summer shows.
Warm air and laughter quell any fights,
As the bliss and love of summer flows.
But this year it's different somehow,
Even if this seems to be every summer's theme.
It seems to me, that right now,
I don’t need sleep to find my dreams.
by EhWell
posted on 06/24/2009
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Comments: 3
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Comment by Iggy: Jun 24, 2009 10:28 pm
Not bad, but personally I don't think it is great either. It does not have a very personal feel, nor does it have the clever aspect that your last poem did. You can do better.Comment by ForeverSearching: Jun 27, 2009 4:38 pm
I love that last line-
"I don't need sleep to find my dreams"
I think this poem seems a little forced but has a lot of potential.
Maybe try rewriting it while out on a rooftop on a warm summer night.
Or try to picture, down to every last detail you can recall, what inspired you to write in the first place.
Just an idea.
....I really love that last line...
I will probably change that to my quote for a while if its alright with you.
Comment by MyNAMEisBUBBLEICIOUS: Jun 25, 2009 3:05 pm
yeah you can do better but it is good.. your first one is better