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story of us
i remember the day when we first met
it was the day that ill never forget
i have been broken so many times
but you were there to put back the pieces in time
now, i feel like im living a dream, but when i woke up,
i saw you..
this is for real..
the story of us
ill forever remember
it will never be forgotten like a flaming amber.
for our story never ends
because its the beginning of another chapter
by karrla
posted on 02/09/2008
it was the day that ill never forget
i have been broken so many times
but you were there to put back the pieces in time
now, i feel like im living a dream, but when i woke up,
i saw you..
this is for real..
the story of us
ill forever remember
it will never be forgotten like a flaming amber.
for our story never ends
because its the beginning of another chapter
by karrla
posted on 02/09/2008
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Comments: 2
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Comment by quies: Feb 9, 2008 9:38 am
The sentiments in this poem are sweet and can be expanded upon. Such sentiments would require far more emphasis to evoke some sort of emotion. The topic is fine, and wonderful to write about, but do expand (because you seem to emphasise in the beginning that it's a story you'll never forget and then return to that statement all to quickly in the end). In the second stanza, line 9 - "amber" should be "ember". Interesting poem.Comment by loveme77: Feb 10, 2008 1:33 pm
I love this poem. Very good =)