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My Love

Your skin glows like a cherry, blossoms blossom like the jasmine in the purest hope of spring.
My heart follows your sweet voice and leaps like a dolphin at the whisper of your name.
The evening floats on a great robin wing.
I am comforted by your kindness that I carry into the twilight of my love and hold next to my heart.
I am filled with hope that I may dry your tears of sorrow.
As my tears fall from my face, it reminds me of your love.
In the quiet, I listen for the last noise of the day.
My heated legs leap from my shorts. I wait in the moonlight for my secret admirer so that we may be running as one, smile to smile, in search of the magnificient purple and mystical flower of love.

by America1
posted on 02/04/2008

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Comments: 3
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Comment by quies: Feb 5, 2008 4:54 am
The poem is very sweet. I, honestly, love the first line. The second line is nice, as well, though I don't care too much for the few middle lines. This is very nice material for something written in 5th grade, I'm impressed (and wish I had thought of writing something like the first line here myself). As far as my critique goes- the fact that the sentences are forced into one line a piece takes away from the poem a bit, but is after all really early and young work. As for the first line, if I could say anything to it, I would think of placing something after the comma and before "blossoms"- perhaps an "and" or something similar, but that isn't very necessary because the flow and metaphorical word choice used in the line compensates for that, at least in my opinion. I like it, nice job.
Comment by NicholasScott: Feb 5, 2008 7:58 pm
no way u wrote that in fifth grade... i have 2 see this on paper
Comment by HeartlessAngel: Feb 6, 2008 10:30 am
nice poem
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