It's Just Not Fair

Hmmm sorry about the typos in my last comment. I had to say something, I am really nit picky...

great work

I like it. The repetition in the beginning of each line is fits well. One thing that I felt worked really well, but at the same time was a down fall was your rhyme scheme. I really like the AAA BBB CCC... rhyme scheme, it isn't often scene and works pretty well, however, and maybe this is only my own opinion, but really that's part of a what a critique is, I feel like it would be better suited for a shorter poem. About half way through it started to feel worn out, and almost as if you were forcing the thyme sometimes (see the last line).

One final critique, and a compliment wrapped into one. I think it's great how the first stanza left me with the question. "Those all seem like good things, why would that not be fair?" Then the second stanza answered that question, it is saying you don't deserve this wonderful person, and it's not fair to the world, I like how you did that. However you then went on to talk about how it isn't fair that you'll miss this person so much, changing what isn't fair. I feel as though you should have picked one or the other and focused on that, the poem would seem much more fluid and just generally more polished.

All that being said, I like this poem. Honestly it isn't one of my favorites, but you definitely have talent and I like this poem, or I wouldn't bother critiquing it.

P.S. Regarding the time only being a month. It isn't actually stated in the poem, so strictly speaking about the poem I really don't think it matters, besides I know how it can be hard even if it's only a month, and I think that in and of itself says something about the relationship.

Now I'm off to read and write more poetry.
~John

Nice poem. But, honestly, a month isn't that long...

I agree, but each day drags on, and a week has felt like forever... Perhaps we are overdramatic, but what really matters besides how you feel anyway?

I love it!!! I miss you so much baby. I agree with ur comment. This last week has felt like a month within itself. GREAT POEM!!!