So Who Am I?

I am Anonymous.
I am fifteen years old.

I am a student, a sister, a daughter, a friend
And half of the time, I don’t know what people want of me.

I am confident of being self-conscious
But self-conscious of being confident.

I love to sing (as long as it’s in the shower)
I love to dance (as long as I’m in my room)
I love to draw (as long as no one will see it)
I love to write (as long as no one will read it)
I love to act (as long as no one’s watching)
I love to cry (as long as no one’s near)
I love to talk (as long as no one’s listening)
I love to scream (as long as no one can hear)

I wish I could figure out my place in
My family, my group of friends, my school.

I hope to find my place in this world.

I don’t understand why we cry for joy
Or live to die.

I adore life
Because there’s so much to see and do.
I hate life
Because it’s bound to end.

I take the bus just to watch people.
I’d rather be alone.

Even though my uncle passed away two years ago,
He’s still the one who inspires me most.

My life's been a downward spiral for the past five years.
It's like a nightmare that never ends.
Everyone's dying.
Will I be the last one left?

I have an obsession with eyes
Simply because they can tell you the most about someone.
I call them
“The Window” to someone’s soul.

I want a boyfriend just to know that someone cares for me.

I filled my room with cushions and pillows
My favourite spot is still behind the couch in the corner of my room.

I’m deadly afraid of clowns
I love the circus.

My life goal is to bring my Chucks around the world.

I laugh at how
Nobody is a pronoun
Anonymous can replace a name
Indescribable is an adjective
Undone is an adverb

My favourite character is Superman
But I don’t have a hero
At this point, I don’t think anyone could save me.

I have one reason to keep myself alive.
Kick cancer's ass.

Some think that I’m strong
Confident
…Myself.
I care too much what others think
I wish I could be how I want to be
When I want to be.

I hate when people compliment me
Saying that I’m not fat
No matter what, I’ll still think I am.

People say that I’m “emo”
Just because of the music I listen to.
They think I’m selfish
Because I won’t let them in.

They don’t know me.
They know nothing.
They don't that I'm constantly living the worst day ever
Or that I would die for my best friend in the blink of an eye.
They don’t know what’s going through my mind.

They don’t think the rumors torture me
Because I block them out.
They don’t think the whispers hurt
Because I pretend I hear nothing.
They don’t think the stares burn
Because I act like I don’t see them.

Whenever I get mad,
I write letters to people expressing how I feel.
I never send them
Because I can’t bring myself to hurt their feelings.

I lie awake at night
Wasting time
Thinking about how much of our life is wasted
Just by wasting time.

I don’t get how we can spend time sleeping
Right after saying that life is too short.
I’d rather stay up with friends.

My best friends are guys.
Life would be so much easier without them.
No love,
No fights,
No pressure.

One of my worst fears is darkness
It’s one of the only things that keeps me calm.
Music calms me too.

Without music, I probably would’ve gone crazy by now.
I couldn’t sing if my life depended on it
I’m in choir.

The most important thing in my life right now?
My friends.
We play, laugh, cry, fight, talk.
We live life to the fullest.
I know them better than myself.
They know me better than I do.

The thing I want most of right now are answers
The thing I have most of right now are doubts.

My name is Anonymous, and this is 2008.

I don't know who I am,
do you?

by anonymous
posted on 04/14/2008