A good day gone bad

Enjoying the day until I felt
A startling thunder inside myself
Like a bolt of lightning I took off fast as I could
To make it in time, not sure if I would
Then when I got close with one giant leap
I flew threw the air landing my ass on the bulls eye of the toilet seat
Thankful I made it, I took in a deep breath
Then there was a bang at the door ,cuz I was being chased by the angel of death
I begun to sweat and my face turning red
I reached over and grabbed a cold rag to put on my forehead
I cried out help when it started to hurt
Someone tear up some sheets I think I'm giving birth
Then I couldn't breathe or speak a word
My muffled pulse was all that I heard
As stars were spinning around my head along with a whole flock of birds
Giving it all I had pushing out that humungous turd
The tears were falling from my eyes
As I was thinking this is such a awful way for a man to die
Scared and alone and not knowing what to do
Fighting for dear life as I was being torn in two
I just kept the seat in my grips and tried to hang on
I was becoming the new papa to a baby fat as quart bottle and four foot long
Then just as I thought I can't take no more
I awoke several hours later laying on the bathroom floor
Trying to stand struggling to my knees
Some one in the next room yells hurry up I need to use the restroom please
So I pulled the lever and jiggled the handle
I felt I should say goodbye as I stood there holding a candle
But just as I thought this nightmare was over, I couldn't believe it was happening before my eyes
Things only got worse as the water begun to rise
Within seconds it was out of control
I got splashed in the face as that humungous turd flipped out of bowl
Looking for high ground and no where to go
Out of pure panic I jumped out the window
I didnt want to face whoever was waiting was my biggest fear
All I was thinking was I got to get the hell out here

by SPAGACKULA
posted on 09/27/2009