This is the part where I realize that i havent been living for the last 15 years

Do you realize how you get to me
the stupid little things you say
sometimes hurt more than the big ones
you think it's funny
but on the inside im crying
crying for you to stop
yet you don't even realize it
because I'm "too perfect" to say anything
i won't let you fall from grace
because of me and my stupid little habits
that eat away at me
they cry out
stop stop
but my lips stay sealed
and I let you beat up on me
and I pretend nothing is wrong
because I'm "too perfect" to say anything
and sometimes I cry myself to sleep
and cut my wrists
because I'm "too perfect" to say anything
each word you speak
antoher lash
another cut
another slap to the face of my dignity
and yet all you do is sit back in your chair
tilt your head back
drink in the posion
and spit it back in my face
and I just let you
because I'm "too perfect" to say anything
and although you find it all to be in jest
like it's okay for you to call me fat
or gay
or prude
or stupid
it hurts more than you can imadgine
so I just snap my hairtie
and cry it out
alone in my room
and pretend nothing is wrong
and tell everyone I'm Fine
even though I'm not
I just cant tell you
because I'm "too perfect" to say anything
and I put on my happy face
and smile and wave like there isn't blood on my hands
even though I try so hard to keep you from knowing
and keep to myself and never let you in
I can't
I have so little self esteem that your words
like daggers
cut through my mind
and burn into my hands
the fact that I just don't seem good enough for you
you just have to make another joke
to keep my in my place
where no one will know how sad
and how worn out I am
and how I cry for you to stop every night
it just never seems to end
and you keep on cutting deeper
and the wound never heals
and the scar you leave is in the shape of your name

by asdfyz
posted on 05/03/2008