Swimming

please comment!

First off, I want to say I like it. I think you can get more from it though.

I like the idea of building a sentence. Try going further with it and add a sentence at the end of each stanza that tells more.

Let me give a quick example.

Swimming
Swimming in the Sea
Swimming in the Sea of Despair
where sharks and low life swim.

Drowning
Drowning without concern
Drowning without the concern of others
where sharks and low life forage.

(dying and drowning are the same thing so I will move on to death)

Dead
Dead in the water
Dead in this watery lair
where sharks and low life feed.


I was never there.

well somehow i agree to google
but i like your way of writing
sometimes the short poems are much better
with few words they say so much
... good poem!!!

nice poem....could use some expanding on but it still is a gid poem

This poem makes me sad