what am i supposed to do now?

so again, im not really writing a poem....maybe i should find a blog site for people like me...i dont kno. but this is the best i can do for now.
okay you see,
this past week has been hell.
i have thought about so many things this week.
and, i find myself in the bathroom or my room alot,
just crying, well, more like sobbing really.
and i just cant help it.
everytime i am alone,
this happens.
and i dont kno if its because i just feel like no one wants me or loves me...
or what.
heres a sore subject for me...
i used to cut myself...okay...
and i havent done it for the past year and a half!
okay, so your probably thinking, good job, right?
but no.
its not.
b.c as much as i dont want to cut,
as much as i just want to be happy,
theres this little part of me,
that just aches and aches,
and part of me says,
just do it.
pick up that razor,
it will make you feel better.
now, i kno thats not the right way to handle things...
but when you are just so down and depressed,
that not only does your heart ache mentally,
but your whole body,
physically, aches and aches.
to the point,
where i dont even want to move,
because i am so sore.
i cant believe this is who i am.
now, no one really knos how i really am,
but me.
and well, you people reading this of course.
and im glad that some of you guys are here,
because its nice to hear that some people who dont even kno me,
actually care.
actually help me.
and i thank you all so much for that.
some of you might read the first line of this and go,
ohh here we go again...
another emo out there.
well, im not emo;
so get that outta your head.
has anyone ever looked you in the eyes,
and told you that everything you do is wrong.
that you are worthless?
that your never going to be normal?
that your fxcking crazy, and need to be put in a mental institution?
well, im in that place.
in not crazy.
am i worthless?, i dont kno that answer.
am i normal?
pshh, no where near it hunny.
am i always wrong?
possibly.
at least that how it feels to me.
i guess the point im trying to make is....
some of us,
just cant be normal.
some of us can never be right.
some of us, well, might be a little crazy....
but we are all idividuals...
we are all humans...
and i dont kno about you,
but i sure as hell would like to be treated like one...
not like a fucking dog,
who is told when to do this,
and when to do that.
who gets yelled at constantly.
i wanna be me, and only me.
does anyone kno what the hell im saying?
or did i just write this whole thing for nothing?
maybe...
you tell me.

<33 Haley Jill

by beautifulxhjfxdisaster
posted on 03/10/2008