nothing

I slice away at myself trying to tear away my skin,
I want to see, I want to know what I hold within,
It must be more than just bones and blood,
I’d pull out all of my muscles to see, that is if I could,
I want to hold the knowledge of what makes me what I am,
What makes me different to every other slaughtered lamb?
Like sheep humans all follow the crowd,
The darkness inside the silver cloud,
I take my knife and cut deep into my flesh,
Freeing my blood that is so old and yet so fresh,
I leave scars as reminders of all that I’ve done,
Scars which I hide from the light of the sun,
I listen to my heart beat and know that I’m alone,
I’ve told you time and again that I want to be on my own,
Why won’t anyone listen to me anymore?
Am I that easy to ignore?
Why is everything so goddamn difficult today?
I don’t know how to act, what to think and what to say,
I’m going around in circles because no one gives me directions,
I’m pulling at my broken skin and still fearing for infection,
I think it’s my obsession and yet I do not seek help yet,
I think I want to see how much wisdom I can get,
So caught up in my whirlwind romance with my knife,
That I don’t see the images and words flitting past my life,
I put on my happy face in front of all my friends and family,
They don’t know that inside I’m hurting terribly,
But it doesn’t matter because I don’t want them involved,
I don’t want them to know how much I have evolved,
My knowledge and my power is mine alone to keep,
It torments me with hunger and then prevents me from sleep,
All of this sensation belongs to me not you, it’s mine,
Perhaps I’ll cut even deeper next time,
I’m clinging at the edge of my sanity and I’m about to fall,
Maybe I’ll give up and end it all
Alone again what can I say
Today was another meaningless day
Hate is all I see in his eyes
And wonder why its me who cries
Is it because I am so weak?
I grow weaker with every tear rolling down my cheek
Im only here to be pushed a round
Because I will take it with out making a sound
Will I once again be blamed or will you see
that everything is put on me
no one would care if I died today
And that’s all there is to say

by UrDReaMsArEmYNiGhtMaREs
posted on 09/25/2007