Breathing as I Break

(inhale)
I tense up as you turn and
walk off like nothing has
happened.
Like you didn’t just break me,
stab me,
hurt me,
kill me.
Like you don’t know that I’m crying,
drowning,
dying.
(exhale)
Pretend like you’re not still so beautiful.
Like your smile doesn’t
shine brighter than every single
star.
Pretend that your arm around her
doesn’t at all remind me of how warm it felt
around
me.
Like I don’t care,
don’t dream,
don’t wish,
don’t need.
(inhale)
I turn slowly now,
walk off,
step
by
step,
imagining that it’s just as easy for me to leave it all behind
as it was for you.
Except I can’t see straight anymore.
Except the air is so stale.
Except my whole body is shaking.
Except I’m hurting,
and you don’t care.
(exhale)
Erasing every single night
as if they weren’t my everything.
You weren’t my everything.
Forgetting how soft your lips are.
How strong your embrace is.
How your voice softens every hurt
and your laugh strengthens every hope.
Forgetting every dance,
kiss,
touch.
Oh God, forgetting every fucking breath.
(inhale)
I stop, stricken.
Turn back.
And collapse.
Isn’t it funny how promises die?
How tears fall?
How dreams cripple?
How you can destroy me
and I still
want
you
back?
(I can’t breathe)
My chest tightens.
My jaw clenches.
And I’m crying so hard that I can’t see
or think.
But I can’t think.
Can’t think about you.
Can’t think.
And it’s all flashing by,
until it hits a wall,
and shatters.
(inhale)
Stand up.
Walk off.
Forget, but I can’t.
Stop crying, but I won’t.
Move on, but I’d die.
Stay here, but I’m already dead.
(exhale)
I give in.

by fade
posted on 07/08/2008