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Spaceballs Quotes
Title Card:
Once upon a time warp...
Title Card:
In a galaxy very, very, very, very, far away there lived a ruthless race of beings known as... Spaceballs. - Chapter Eleven - The evil leaders of Planet Spaceball, having foolishly squandered their precious atmosphere, have devised a secret plan to take every breath of air away from theyr peace-loving neighbor, Planet Druidia. - Today is Princess Vespa's wedding day. Unbeknownst to the princess but knownst to us, danger lurks in the stars above... - If you can read this, you don't need glasses.
Bearded Lady:
I'm the Bearded Lady. Who are you, one of the freaks?
[Bearded Lady chest bumps Dark Helmet, gets in his escape rod and closes the door]
Dark Helmet:
Get out of my escape pod you bearded bitch!
Charlene, Marlene:
Hello, President Skroob.
President Skroob: [to Marlene]
Hello, Charlene.
Marlene:
I'm Marlene.
President Skroob: [to Charlene]
Hello, Marlene.
Charlene:
I'm Charlene.
President Skroob:
Chew your gum.
President Skroob: [enters after the interrogation of King Roland]
Well? Did it work? Where's the king?
Dark Helmet:
It worked, sir. We have the combination.
President Skroob:
Great. Now we can take every last breath of fresh air from planet Druidia. What's the combination?
Dark Helmet:
1 2 3 4 5.
President Skroob:
1 2 3 4 5? That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage! Prepare Spaceball 1 for immediate departure!
Dark Helmet:
Yes, sir!
President Skroob:
And change the combination on my luggage!
Lone Starr:
Who hasn't heard of Yogurt!
Princess Vespa:
Yogurt the Wise!
Dot Matrix:
Yogurt the All-Powerful!
Barf:
Yogurt the Magnificent!
Yogurt:
Please, please, don't make a fuss. I'm just plain Yogurt.
Barf: [reacting to the guards being shot by Princess Vespa]
HOLY SHIT!
Princess Vespa:
How was that?
Lone Starr:
Not bad.
Barf:
Not bad... for a girl.
Dot Matrix:
Hey that was pretty good for RAMBO!
Dark Helmet:
We were told to comb the desert so we're combing it.
[to two white henchmen with a giant comb]
Dark Helmet:
Found anything yet?
Henchmen:
Nothing sir!
[to two more white henchmen with a giant comb]
Dark Helmet:
How bout you?
Henchmen:
Not a thing sir!
[to two black henchmen with a giant pick]
Dark Helmet:
What about you guys?
Henchmen:
Man, we ain't found shit!
Dark Helmet: [breathes heavily, Darth Vader-style]
I can't breathe in this thing!
Captain of the Guard:
You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!
Dark Helmet:
Careful you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!
Laser Gunner:
Sorry sir! I'm doing my best!
Dark Helmet:
Who made that man a gunner?
Major Asshole:
I did sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet:
Who is he?
Colonel Sandurz:
He's an asshole sir.
Dark Helmet:
I know that! What's his name?
Colonel Sandurz:
That is his name sir. Asshole, Major Asshole!
Dark Helmet:
And his cousin?
Colonel Sandurz:
He's an asshole too sir. Gunner's mate First Class Philip Asshole!
Dark Helmet:
How many asholes do we have on this ship, anyway?
[Entire bridge crew stands up and raises a hand]
Entire Bridge Crew:
Yo!
Dark Helmet:
I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes!
[Dark Helmet pulls his face shield down]
Dark Helmet:
Keep firing, assholes!
Dark Helmet:
You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Let's see how well you handle it.
More Mel Brooks Movie Quotes
Blazing SaddlesHistory of the World: Part I
Men in Tights
Young Frankenstein
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