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Funny Quotes From Monty Python's Life of Brian - Page 3

Reg: What Jesus blatantly fails to appreciate is that it's the meek who are the problem.
Mandy: Now, you listen here: 'e's not the Messiah, 'e's a very naughty boy! Now, go away!
Prisoner: Oh, what I wouldn't give to be spitted at in the face. I sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being spat at in the face.
Mandy: So you're astrologers,then? What is he?
Wise man: Pardon?
Mandy: What star sign is he?
Wise man: Er, Capricorn.
Mandy: And what are they like?
Wise man: Well, he is the son of God.
Mandy: And that's Capricorn, is it?
Brian: People, we should be struggling together.
PFJ member: [in a headlock] We are.
Brian: No, we should be rising up against the common enemy.
All: The Judean People's Front?
Brian: No, the Romans.
Mandy: Who are all those people?
Brian: A few friends, popped by for a second.
Mandy: Popped by? Swarmed by is more like it. There's a multitude out there.
Nisus Wettus: Crucifixion?
Mr. Cheeky: Ah, no. Freedom.
Nisus Wettus: What?
Mr. Cheeky: Eh, freedom for me. They said I hadn't done anything, so I can go free and live on an island somewhere.
Nisus Wettus: Oh, oh that´s jolly good well. Off you go then.
Mr. Cheeky: No, I'm only pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really!
Nisus Wettus: [laughing] Oh, I see, very good. Well...
Mr. Cheeky: Yes I know, out the door, one cross each, line on the left.
Stan: I want to have babies.
Reg: You want to have babies?!?!
Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg: But ... you can't HAVE babies!
Stan: Don't you oppress me!
Reg: I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus gonna gestate? You gonna keep it in a box?
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More Monty Python quotes:
Monty Python
Holy Grail
Flying Circus