Poetry and Quotations

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Hilarious Quotes

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Rodney Dangerfield

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres

I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.
George Bush

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
Woody Allen

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
Albert Einstein

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.
Paul Getty

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
David Letterman

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
Dan Rather

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
Jim Davis

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
Bill Vaughan

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