Poetry and Quotations

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Daily Show Quotes

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. We're getting a helicopter... soon.
Announcer

Guy with chin-stud and... top-of-nose thing, I think I'll miss you most of all.
Jon Stewart

France, c'mon girl, don't be an invader hater.
Jon Stewart

It's as though there's only two positions you can have - you're either for the war or against the troops.
Jon Stewart

Before we bring democracy to Iraq or even Afghanistan, it might be prudent to bring it to Florida. We don't have to bring regime change to the whole state. We can start in Pensacola and work our way down.
Jon Stewart

If you're a lesbian, why are you turning me on?
Stephen Colbert

point? All right, no, no, no, I kid, I kid. Cable's great, Jon Stewart, and you're great, and you have a great show... for me to poop on. I mean come on, having a show on cable, it's not like it's real, it's like sniffing your sister's ass.
Stephen Colbert

The judgment marks a key victory for the recording industry, in its aggressive battle against poor high school students and fun.
Jon Stewart, on the lawsuit against Napster

This is what happens when you take away Napster.
Jon Stewart, on the increase in college crime rates

Values like burning as much gas as you can so you can drive around an oval for hours.
Jon Stewart, on President Bush's speech about NASCAR promoting values

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