Funny Quotes from 40 Year Old Virgin - Page 2

[having his belly hair waxed]
Andy Stitzer: [yells] Yooooooooow, Kelly Clarkson!

Cal: You're gay, now?
David: No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate.
Cal: I think... I mean, that sounds gay. I just want you to know this is, like, the first conversation of, like, three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like, there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh, you know, I'm kinda gonna want to get back out there, but I think I like guys," and then there's the big, "Oh, I'm... I'm... I'm a gay guy now."

Nicky: You have really kind eyes, you know that?
Andy Stitzer: Thanks. Umm... your hat has sequins.

Andy Stitzer: Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it?

David: Dude, you look like a man-o-lantern.

Haziz: Do you know how I know you're gay? Because you are holding each other ever so gently.

Cal: You know what's a fun game? Take 3 Excedrin PM's and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. You always win, that's the best part about the game.

David: Hey, Paula.
Paula: Yeah?
David: I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. Uh, for the first time, today, I woke up, I came to the store, and I - I feel confident to say to you that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD - that you've been playing for two years straight - off, I'm going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain!
Paula: David, what do you suggest we play?
David: I don't care. Anything! I would rather - I would rather watch "Beautician And The Beast". I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours than have to listen to Michael McDonald. Nothin' against him, but if I hear "Yah Mo B There" one more time, I'm going to Yah Mo Burn This Place To The Ground.

Andy Stitzer: There were two sides to that billboard, and they both hurt equally.

Andy Stitzer: You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!

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